Romeo X Juliet parody episode 3

Conrad: When the Capulets were murdered, every family that served them was slaughtered without exception…well, except for the remarkably large number of survivors here. We have all sworn to serve you, and I even have this sword you can equip to increase your ATK by 2.

(Juliet: Wow, my ATK will be doubled!)

Whilst Juliet enters the angst phase of remembering her past, Shakespeare’s mother comes to visit Conrad.

Conrad: I’m sorry for making you come out here for Pleasure, but none of the main characters are giving me any.

Mother: Ah, it is no problem, for I have to visit my son anyway- I’m trying to get him to follow in my footsteps of looking like a member of the opposite sex.

Meanwhile, Cordelia talks to Juliet, who is in bed with a fever.

Juliet: I must get up- the plot says I have to meet Romeo!

Cordelia: Do not meet him again- those noblemen have strange tastes, like HORSE!

(Juliet: But I’d rather try HORSE than the cross-dressing and group sessions you lot force on me.)

At the Iris Garden, Romeo has HORSE whilst waiting for Juliet.

Romeo: No, Cielo, we must wait for Juliet! …Oh, okay, just once…

At the Keep, Montague sits in his chair and sips wine with Mercutio and his father Titus.

Montague: The common people are just like to grapes to be plucked and crushed! I can’t tell you much I hate those arrogant upstart grapes!

Montague crushes a grape and lets the juice drip into his wine.

(Montague: There must be a faster way of making wine.)

Romeo arrives, late as usual.

Romeo: Sorry I’m late.

Montague gets up and slaps him.

Montague: How many times must I tell you not to keep me waiting for HARD GAY? Stand me up again and I’ll crush you like a grape!

As everyone goes home, Montague talks to Mercutio.

Montague: What are you still doing here, Mercutio?

Mercutio: Ah, just waiting to service my father.

(Mercutio: I hate giving HARD GAY to the old man- I’d much rather be in Romeo’s place.)

Montague: Ah, I see. Would you mind keeping an eye on Romeo for me? Report back if he says anything anti-HARD GAY.

Mercutio: Yes, sir.

(Mercutio: This could be the key to screen time!)

Montague goes down to visit the life tree, Escalus.

Montague: Escalus, as long as we have you, there will be no shortage of WOOD!

The next day, Romeo has HORSE over the city before going to visit his mother.

Portia: Ah, Romeo, out having HORSE again? Shouldn’t you be at home servicing your father?

Romeo: I’m sick of giving HARD GAY to the old man.

Portia: I’m sorry I left you at the Keep all those years ago, but tending to these flowers was far more important than looking after my only child.

In town, the doctor is apprehended by generic soldiers for having links to the Red Whirlwind.

Generic Soldier: We’re sick of the Red Whirlwind recovering all his HP by visiting you! In order to establish how oppressed and miserable you all are, I must arrest you!

The doctor is arrested and subjected to violent HARD GAY.

Doctor: It doesn’t matter what you do to me, it doesn’t change the fact that I am more important than you generics!

Juliet: Red Whirlwind Mode! Dramatic Entrance!

Juliet rescues the doctor from the Level One Soldiers, but ends up getting cornered on the roof.

Romeo: Deus ex machina! HORSE landing!

(Romeo: Hmm, this Red Whirlwind person looks vaguely familiar, but his stats are low. I’d better give him some EXP).

Romeo takes a sword and pretends to fight Juliet.

Romeo: This is just a tutorial battle- in a moment, we can escape by falling out of bounds.

Juliet, Romeo and the doctor all fall off the roof into the canal below. They wash up in a conveniently deserted alley.

Juliet: I don’t know why, but I have the odd impression that I only ever complete a mission when someone rescues me.

Doctor: Oh, by the way, he’s Montague’s son.

Romeo: That’s right. See you later.

Romeo leaves.

(Juliet: He is? Enter Angst Mode!)

To be continued…

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