Romeo X Juliet parody episode 18

Juliet and her allies hold a meeting.

Francisco: What we need to do is somehow assemble a previously unmentioned group of HORSE cavalry for an all-out attack.

Conrad: So what we need to do is start recruiting generics.

Francisco: Yes- it’s only episode 18, so we have plenty of time to make arrangements.

A delivery of apples arrives, but beneath the apples are a pile of swords.

Conrad: Damn, why did we have to go short on apples just so they could fit in these pointless swords?

Juliet: Are you sure we should do this? I mean, if we fight, we might kill people!

Curio: I shouldn’t worry- at your level, you won’t be killing anyone.

At the abandoned village, Romeo hoes at the ground.

(Romeo: This is harder than it looked in Harvest Moon.)

Giovanni enters a house, and finds a broken puppet.

(Giovanni: Wow, this will keep me occupied for hours.)

Some generic prisoners arrive back with food. Giovanni picks up an orange.

(Giovanni: This should get my Liang in working order again.)

Romeo goes down to the river to get water, only to bump into the old man from several episodes ago.

Old Man: What are you doing here? You need to get on with the plot!

Romeo: But I’m trying to recreate the Harvest Moon experience!

Old Man: Why didn’t you say so? Here, take this bag of seeds. Plant them in hoed soil, and water them every day.

Romeo goes back to the village.

Giovanni: Hey, Romeo, did you really mean for us to make a life here? This place is abandoned, lacking in resources and entirely boring for the audience!

Romeo: But- but- I got some seeds!

Giovanni: Why didn’t you say so? Let’s get to work at once!

Back at the summer house, Emilia and Juliet practise a play not unlike the real Romeo and Juliet.

Shakespeare: What do you think of my new play? Thanks to its pro-grape sentiments, I could never have written it in Neo Verona, but here it will stir the hearts of many who enjoy their sweet taste.

Francisco: Interesting- we can use this to further delay any trace of real plot.

By the next day, everyone is being roped in to help with the play.

Curio: What’s this? Why have I been cast as Shakespeare’s HARD GAY lover, with actual HARD GAY scenes?

Francisco: Oh come on, it won’t hurt- you and I have done it many times before.

Shakespeare: Please lend my Liang your hands, Curio.

After practising the play, Curio and Francisco get some alone time.

Curio: Francisco, I have seen you looking at women and I need to ask- out of HARD GAY or STRAIGHT, which would you choose?

Francisco: Curio, I’ve never been able to find the words to say it, but you are the one I love!

Curio: And all the time you were teasing me and telling me to go after women was just how to hide how you feel?

Francisco: Yes! I only ever learned Sword, and I was always worried that I wasn’t good enough for you!

Curio: Francisco, every man learns through Hyper Self Pleasure- we just make up the rest as we go along.

Whilst largely pointless preparations for the play are made, Curio and Francisco celebrate the fact that their relationship is now official and Juliet models for a shampoo advert.

After handing out flyers for the play, Juliet talks to Antonio and Curio.

Antonio: Juliet, Romeo is only in the next village! Why don’t you just leave Angst Mode behind and go see him?

Juliet: I can’t! I must milk this angst for as long as possible!

Curio: Oh, for heaven’s sake just go!

Juliet: You’re right- I should go and see Romeo at once!

Juliet and Curio take HORSES over to Romeo’s village, which has magically been transformed into a place of prosperity. They are met by Giovanni and some generics.

Juliet: Wow, what a fine village!

Generic: Yes, Romeo showed us the Harvest Moon way of doing things. Now, where is he?

Generic 2: Ah, he must be in the church- he’s always going up there for Hyper Self Pleasure.

Juliet goes to find Romeo.

Juliet: Stop that Hyper Self Pleasure at once, Romeo- it’s time for our dramatic reunion!

To be continued…

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