Pumpkin Scissors parody 16

With the Viagra crisis still ongoing, rumours of documents containing explicit diagrams of advanced HARD GAY techniques cause the army to mobilise in search of them. Can Section III save the day or will they too fall prey to wanting to see these new Pleasuring methods?

“What do you think of my facelift? Do I look like a proper evil boss now?”

“…evil bosses, aren’t we?”

“You are a mere mid-boss! Do not get ideas above your station!”

(“Damn him! Was all my screen time for nothing?”)

“Perhaps if I service him, I can get back into his good graces.”

“I would like to order some Flaming Pleasure.”

“The Pleasure I can provide is far more satisfying than his Flaming whatever!”

“I’ve given Viagra to needy people…”

“…and drawn a guide to advanced HARD GAY techniques!”

“Yes, yes, all very typical tasks for a mid-boss.”

“I want to be more than just a mid-boss!”

“Fine, then show me this new method of HARD GAY you’ve drawn.”

(“Hmm, how indecent!”)

“Now go and fulfil your role as a mid-boss! You are unworthy of anything more!”

“Damn you! I can go all the way to main villain!”

“Plot events might be happening somewhere!”

“We main characters cannot be left out of important developments!”

“*Sigh* I guess I won’t be getting any Flaming Pleasure, then.”

“Fine, have your damned Pleasure! Just don’t blame me when you get burned!”

“Thanks- this is going to be great!”

“But can you really match Liangs with this man?”

“My Liang is ready for him!”

“Once you taste my gun, you’ll want to give me something in return!”

“I will?”

“I want to be promoted to major boss!”

“You want to become a boss!?”

“And what about this Flaming Pleasure guy?”

“We should kill him too, or the boss won’t want Pleasure with us anymore!”

You can’t go for long without some mention of HORSE.

“I can see that these men are not worthy of your Flaming Pleasure.”

“My Pleasure is strong and refined!”

“My Pleasure is far more intense!”

“Just look at the length of my twin Liangs!”

“Sadly, my Pleasure is so intense that my partners rarely survive.”

“I’m sure you can see that you are neither skilled nor good-looking enough to become a major boss.”

“We cannot match his Pleasure!”

“I live only to service you!”

“Very well, I will pencil you in for my fortnightly Pleasure session.”

“I will Pleasure you as much as you want, sir!”

“Are these the infamous HARD GAY documents everyone’s been talking about?”

“I can’t say I really know anything about them myself.”

“…but we were given these handbooks on basic Pleasuring.”

“Here, let me take a look at that.”

“…a complete compendium of basic HARD GAY techniques!”

“Oreld, have you been having secret BI without us?”

“Sir, the massive Liangs of Section I have begun to stir.”

“Liangs so strong that they violate everyone they come into contact with.”

“Sorry, did you say something? I’m just reading up on a new technique.”

“Hey, was that tank always there?”

“We’re here for the HARD GAY documents!”

“Should we give these guys Gun?”

“Partner located.”

“HARD GAY complete.”

“No sign of those HARD GAY documents.”

“Hey, if you want Gun, try someone skilled- like me!”

“Who wants Flaming Pleasure?”

“This Pleasure is stronger than anything we’ve experienced before! We’d better step up our game if we want to match him!”

“The climax of this battle will soon be reached.”

“It’s the second half of the episode, and we’re finally here!”

“I need to plaster this wall!”

“…violating them with deadly HARD GAY!”

“People don’t want named characters when they can watch generics like us!”

“Let’s barge our way into the plot now!”

“Main characters to the rescue!”

“Dog, I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish, but this isn’t the way to go about it.”

“Oh my god! I just remembered I left the gas on!”

“Make sure that gas gets turned off.”

“In the meantime, I shall show these people that rough HARD GAY is not the answer!”

“Does she think that we won’t violate her just because she’s not eligible for HARD GAY?”

“It’s almost like we became main characters of some anime.”

“I may be a woman, but I still have my Sword!”

“We might need to be her deus ex machina.”

“Just let the plot handle that sort of thing.”

“She’s skilled in all types of Pleasure.”

“And if the soldiers want to initiate Gun, they will have to get permission from their superior- the brown dog.”

“It usually takes around an hour for the dog to bark out its decision.”

(“But can she really give them Sword for a whole hour?”)

(“Even a main character could tire under those circumstances.”)

“Hmm, this Sword is pretty good.”

“She’s pretty enthusiastic about giving it to us.”

Back at base, and Hunks is still engrossed in the book of HARD GAY techniques.

“Boss, can you stop reading that book? For one thing, the rest of us want a look!”

“There’s a lot of HARD GAY going on around here!”

“There is?”

“Hang on, I bookmarked some techniques for just such an occasion.”

It’s the night of the red moon, when prinnies are cleansed of their sins and reborn.


Plans are made to get ‘samples’ from either Hans or Randel, using traditional methods.

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