Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 13

Ling Tong pays a visit to Sun Quan.

Ling Tong: I’m sorry to ask for HARD GAY at such short notice, Sun Quan.

Sun Quan: Ling Tong, you should know that I am always ready for HARD GAY with you.

Ling Tong: Sir, I’m afraid this will be the last HARD GAY we can have together for a while, for I feel my chances of screen time are better served by going after Aniki.

Sun Quan: I understand- you’re worried that he’ll dump you for Zhuge Liang if you don’t go with him, right?

Ling Tong: How do you feel about Zhuge Liang?

Sun Quan: He has yet to show me his mighty weapon, but I know him to be a skilled lover.

Later, Lu Xun is packing his belongings when Taishi Ci, Lu Meng, Gan Ning and Ling Tong arrive.

Taishi Ci: There’s no way we’re going to let you go off alone and get all the screen time. This is a job for all the Pleasure Rangers!

Meanwhile, Zhou Yu confers with his advisors.

Zhang Zhao: Hasn’t anyone considered how ridiculous it is letting six characters do the work of an entire military?

Zhou Yu: Correction- six named OP characters with implausible sentai powers.

Huang Gai: Alas, it seems that we are not destined for screen time, then.

The next day, Lu Xun is summoned to Sun Quan’s garden.

Sun Quan: Are you all right? You don’t look very well.

Lu Xun: I’m fine, I was just up all night having HARD GAY with the others. What did you want to talk about?

Sun Quan: Well, many of my villages are being razed and people are dying in their hundreds, but since they are mere generics, let’s talk about flowers instead! Flowers are the reason I desire peace, for nothing irks me more than when they get trampled.

Later, the Pleasure Rangers are gathered before Sun Quan.

Sun Quan: Pleasure Rangers, I name you the Six Steeds of Wu, for each of you is hung like a horse.

Ling Tong: Cool!

Sun Quan: Now, Pleasure Rangers, move out!

Zhou Yu appears, wearing a skirt.

Zhou Yu: I must come along too, for these young men will require an experienced hand to guide them.

(Lu Xun: Keep out of this! We don’t need you!)

The Pleasure Rangers head out by boat.

Lu Xun: We’ll see who’s better in the bedroom, Zhou Yu!

Later, the Pleasure Rangers have HARD GAY around a campfire, whilst Zhou Yu makes do with his own flute.

Lu Meng: Sounds like he’s having Hyper Self Pleasure.

Taishi Ci: That’s what a Flute is for, after all.

Gan Ning goes out to see Zhou Yu.

Gan Ning: I brought a blanket…I, er, thought we might be able to have Pleasure under it.

Zhou Yu: Gan Ning, you needn’t feel obligated to give me Pleasure- you are free to choose your own lovers.

Gan Ning: Then I choose you!

Zhou Yu: Very well, then I shall play my Flute especially for you.

The next day, Zhou Yu briefs the others.

Zhou Yu: There are three Wei camps, but since the seven of us are named characters, we shall attack the largest one- their generics can surely be no match for us.

Lu Xun: Actually, I was talking to the director last night, and he said that the Lord’s Cube was being held in a different camp.

Zhou Yu: Silence! We will do things my way!

Lu Xun: I am the main character, you know.

Lu Xun storms off in a childish tantrum.

Ling Tong: Aniki-

Lu Xun: Leave me alone!

That night, Lu Xun is absent from the HARD GAY.

Ling Tong: It isn’t like Aniki to miss HARD GAY.

Taishi Ci: Hmmph, leave him alone- he clearly doesn’t think we’re good enough anymore.

(Lu Xun: I won’t let Zhou Yu steal all my screentime with his ideas! I’ll retrieve the Lord’s Cube tonight, and have the best Hyper Self Pleasure ever!)

Lu Xun defeats some level one generics and enters the camp fortress, where he finds the Lord’s Cube.

Lu Xun: Yay, I found it! Nothing can possibly go wrong!

Cao Ren appears, enveloped in HARD GAY aura.

Cao Ren: Gwakaka, did you think things would go so smoothly when it’s only episode thirteen?

Lu Xun: What are you, some sort of mad clown?

Cao Ren: I am Cao Ren!

Lu Xun: Ranger Red, Transform!

Lu Xun turns into Ranger Red and starts battling Cao Ren. Meanwhile Zhou Yu enters Flashback Mode.

Sun Ce: So, what do you think of the power of the Lord’s Cube? Has my HARD GAY improved?

Zhou Yu: Yes, but it is so harsh and forceful now- it lacks its former finesse.

Back in the present, Lu Xun defeats Cao Ren.

Cao Ren: Finish me off!

Lu Xun: I can’t- I’m not allowed to kill historical figures!

Lu Xun picks up the Lord’s Cube, but Zhang Liao appears.

Zhang Liao: Did you think that there was only going to be one boss fight?

Lu Xun: Take my Sword!

Zhang Liao: With Pleasure.

The two have Pleasure Ranger HARD GAY.

Zhang Liao: Give me the Lord’s Cube! I need to enhance my HARD GAY!

Lu Xun: No way! I’m the main character!

Zhang Liao: Extremely Slow Attack!

Lu Xun: Inexplicable Destined Powers!

The HARD GAY aura around Lu Xun turns white and envelops Zhang Liao.

Zhou Yu: Such intense HARD GAY! From now on, no one is to have this sort of Pleasure without my participation and consent!

Just as Zhang Liao is about to defeat Lu Xun, Zhou Yu becomes Ranger Black and defends him.

Lu Xun: Stand back! I cannot be saved by a supporting character!

Zhou Yu: Shut up! I haven’t been getting any lately!

Zhou Yu defeats Zhang Liao, who retreats just as Ranger Black’s Lord’s Sphere is depleted.

Zhou Yu: Lu Xun, take the Lord’s Cube… I now see how inferior my HARD GAY is compared to everyone else’s.

Zhou Yu dies (probably).

Lu Xun: I hated you before, but now- ZHOU YUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued…

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3 Responses to Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 13

  1. Infiny says:

    Lu Xun: Take my Sword!
    Zhang Liao: With Pleasure.

  2. Infiny says:

    oh snaps, IM hearts don’t translate well, do they!? Well, you’re amazing, and that line was simply perfect. I cackled like a hyena I am D:

  3. Karura says:

    Thanks 🙂

    I don’t remember it happening in the old days, but WordPress likes to cut off all comments after any < because it thinks it’s an HTML tag. The workaround is to type & lt; (without the space).

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