Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 18

Masahiro is working at the Onmyou dorms.

Masahiro: This sort of thing is really boring and unworthy of a main character- especially one who’s just reached Level Seven.

Yoshimasa summons Masahiro.

Yoshimasa: Masahiro, there’s something I have to tell you- your previously unmentioned older brother Narichika has returned from the city and has started asking for screen time. Could you go and visit him?

Meanwhile, Tenitsu and Suzaku talk to Akiko.

Akiko: So, Masahiro has a previously unmentioned older brother?

Suzaku; Actually, he has two brothers- and they both have wives and families of their own.

Akiko: They do? Wow, they must be really unimportant not to have been mentioned up until now.

Elsewhere, Narichika (Level Forty) and his family are being attacked by a baboon demon just as Masahiro arrives.

Masahiro: This must be why Father sent us- he knew that only someone of my skills could protect my brother!

Mokkun: I’m sorry, but if your brother is on the battlefield, I can’t join the active party. You’ll have to do this one alone.

Masahiro: What? I might get game over!

Narichika: Input spell command! Seal Evil!

Nairchika attacks the demon, but does minimal damage.

Narichika: Damn, I’m out of MP!

Masahiro: Don’t worry, Ani-ue, your weaker and less experienced younger brother is here! Input Spell Command- Repel Evil!

Mokkun: Back Row Support! Flame Cage!

The demon runs away.

Masahiro: Damn- if the enemy escapes then I don’t get any EXP!

Narichika: Brother, thanks for coming over so that I could get a bit of screen time- I even see you’ve levelled up a bit.

Masahiro: Yes- just ninety-two levels to go until I max out!

Masahiro returns home, but Mokkun goes off by himself.

(Mokkun: What if Masahiro decides he doesn’t want HARD GAY with me now that his brother is back?)

Spirit Summon Kouchin appears.

Kouchin: What’s up, Touda?

Mokkun: Wow, this must be the first line you’ve spoken this whole series!

Kouchin: I’m not bitter about my lack of screen time; after all, I’ve been busy with other projects, like playing Chen in Jyu-Oh-Sei.

(Kouchin: Damn that director! He promised me a good role this time!)

Meanwhile, Masahiro reports to Seimei.

Masahiro: It’s not fair! Mokkun made me go in the front row for this battle!

Seimei: Well, you are the main character, and that was the sort of generic enemy that should die in one hit. Don’t blame others for your lack of levelling up.

Kouchin appears.

Masahiro: Who’s that? Is she another previously unmentioned family member?

Seimei: That’s Kouchin, one of the Spirit Summons. Since she hasn’t had any screen time so far, I’m adding her to your active party. Now, go out there and fight that baboon whilst I stay here and do nothing.

The party takes Kurumanosuke into town to search for the baboon. They catch up with it just as it returns to Narichika’s house.

Mokkun: That’s it- I’m going to the back row!

Rikugou: Block attack!

Narichika: Stun!

Masahiro: Input Spell Command! Energy Seal!

They attack the baboon, but it sustains minimal damage and summons three smaller baboons to the field. Meanwhile, the second squad of Mokkun and Kouchin encounter more small baboons.

Kouchin: Equip Sais! Mokkun, you’d better go and protect the child!

Mokkun: But the reason I’ve been skulking around is because I hate children! They pull my fur and tail!

The battle continues, but the lead baboon breaks into the house and steals Narichika’s baby daughter Kohime.

Mokkun: Guren Mode! Damn, this is all because I stood around whinging and doing nothing- but now I will get the kid back!

Mokkun goes after the baboon, and is soon joined Kouchin and Masahiro.

Masahiro: I must make sure to get the EXP when the baboon goes down- it could take me all the way to Level Eight!

Guren: Flame Snakes!

The baboon dodges the attack, but drops Kohime, forcing Guren to equip her.

Guren: Damn, every time I equip a baby my stats go down by 20%! Flaming Dragons!

Guren defeats the baboon.

Guren: Now, someone unequip this baby from me!

Masahiro takes Kohime.

Masahiro: You shouldn’t hate children, Mokkun- see, they’re really quite cute.

Kouchin: Don’t worry about him- he’s just upset because they’re never as cute as you were.

The next day, Masahiro and Mokkun walk home whilst Byakko, Taiin, Genbu and Kouchin observe.

Byakko: I wonder what the point of this episode was.

Genbu: Beats me.

Masahiro: Hey, do you guys want to eat mochi with us?

Taiin: Yay, screentime!

Taiin, Byakko and Genbu run off to join Masahiro.

Seiryu: Pah, those guys will do anything for even a spot of attention from the main characters, but I won’t stop at anything less than a promotion to major character!

To be continued…

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