Tuesday Rumble: October 2nd

The Higurashi Cookbook

With the numerous cookbooks and cooking shows on TV, it can be hard for novice chefs to know just where they should start. Worry no longer, however, for we have just the solution- in the form of the comprehensive and easy to use Higurashi Cookbook! And here on Tuesday Rumble, we have been given exclusive permission to reprint extracts from this, the newest contender on the culinary literature market.

• Now remember, when making snacks, be sure to push the needles in as far as they will go. The last thing you need is your hapless victims realising what they are about to bite into.
• Bitter-tasting poisons add a nice spice to the traditional bento box, and should be readily employed alongside more conventional sauces and flavourings.
• When preparing meat, be sure to use a nice, sharp cleaver. There’s nothing more rewarding than chopping it up into nice, small chunks. Also note that rare steak is in this season; the bloodier the better.
• The Oyashiro-sama platter requires extensive preparation, but once you get the knack of disembowelling the animal, you will be well on your way to preparing this most rare of delicacies.
• Don’t throw away those bits and pieces left over after a nice long torture session- toss them all into the pot and boil them all up for a tasty soup.

Pick up these and other handy food preparation tips in the Higurashi Cookbook- on sale now from all good retailers!

The Nice Boat Panel

Especially for this week’s Tuesday Rumble, we showed the ‘nice boat’ replacement for School Days 12 to a test audience, who were specifically told that this was the real final episode. Let’s see their reactions.

A: If you ask me, this was the best episode of the series, although I think the studio was quite bold to switch to entirely live action.

B: Yes, it certainly beats everything Gainax has come up with.

C: I don’t know about you guys, but I had a hard time making out the characters, who I assume were meant to be inside the boat.

B: What was that boat all about anyway? Was it meant to be a metaphor for something?

A: Of course it was! Couldn’t you see that it symbolised how the leads had thrown away their youthful innocence in favour of short-term gratification?

C: I thought it was a ferry taking Makoto across the Styx.

A: No, no, that’s way too obvious- you’ve got to look deeper.

B: Hey, you don’t think that this wasn’t actually the final episode of School Days, do you?

A: Don’t be stupid! This ending fits the series perfectly!

At this point, our panel is told the truth

A: Oh… [signs off]

B: Wow, the real ending has a nice boat too!

C: Which was the real ending again?

Sister of Wellber 8

“Give me HARD GAY!”

“Ah thank you, and what a worthy sword it is too.”

“It is completely alien to those of us who prefer men.”

“And now I suppose you want something in return for the HARD GAY.”

“Oh come on, we’ve had HARD GAY ever since we were children.”

“But since then, it’s been hard to find the time.”

“And now that you are carrying my child, you probably won’t want to do it too often.”

“You fool- my Sword is more than a match for yours even if I am pregnant!”

“Feel my Blade!”

“Oh yes, that’s good!”

“And now for the climax!”

“Ah yes, HARD GAY is truly for me- in fact, I hate women so much that I have started murdering them.”

Meanwhile, Tina is ready for some HARD YURI.

“Just get undressed already!”

“He fears that the Prince is overexerting himself, and that it may damage the baby.”

No mention of this series would be complete without a touch of HORSE.

Random Thoughts: Alphonse Elric

This week we talk to Al of Fullmetal Alchemist! Al, how did you feel when you landed your breakout role- and were then told that you’d be spending the series as a suit of armour?

Well, of course it wasn’t quite what I imagined, but sometimes you have to take a chance and work with what you’re given. I think it turned out well overall, and it’s certainly made me a household name, even if no one ever seems to buy my merchandise. I mean come on people, please at least get one of my die-cut key rings.

Did you ever think of using your uniqueness to your advantage to land roles in other series as a mech?

It’s funny that you should ask that, because I did go on Utawarerumono for a bit- I was Kuuya’s Avu Kamuu, and the guys from Lab 5 played Hien and Hau’s armours. You might have also spotted me on Busou Renkin, but I didn’t want to take too many roles because there’s always a danger of being typecast.

Ah yes, of course. Do you think you’ll ever go down the armour route again, or are you happy in your own body?

I’m very happy with my work as a suit of armour, but in my mind that’s over and done with now. I want to see what I can do with my own strength, instead of being picked because I happen to be large and metallic.

Did you ever think it was more than coincidence that come rain or shine, your blood seal never washed away?

I was worried about that at first, and because the producers wanted that emotion in my performance, they never really reassured me. I think it really honed my performance, but in retrospect I realise they wouldn’t let one of their stars get killed on set.

And finally, do you have any juicy secrets about Ed that you’d like to reveal to us?

Nii-san would kill me if I said anything!

This Week in Anime

“Friends, I am here to save you.”

“I know I suggested experimenting with Mallet, but this isn’t quite what I had in mind.”

“Tea!? I hate tea!”

Note the cross-shape on the cat’s face, a clear indication of a Mikoto-type.

“So anyway, like I was saying- these apples are nutritious and delicious!”

A new Fruit Alliance is formed.

Anime World Tour: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni

Welcome to Hinamizawa, a quiet 1980s village perfect for taking a relaxing break from the stress of modern city life! Enjoy the sights and sounds of this unique village, and stay for our annual Watanagashi festival, featuring good food, good fun and dancing from our own Furude Rika! Visit Hinamizawa now, and enjoy wholesome fun for everyone!

Please note: in most a scant handful of insignificant realities, there is a chance that you may get bloodily murdered by the psychotic residents. We are required by law to warn you of this, but in truth the risk is very real minimal and will most likely end in your death not affect your stay.

OST spotlight: Makai Kingdom

As I said yesterday, Makai Kingdom was bereft of the input of composer Tenpei Sato, but whilst this makes it weaker than the average NIS game soundtrack, it isn’t as bad as everyone makes out. Admittedly, there’s a lot of looping and stretches of filler tracks, but nonetheless the music manages to retain that quirky Netherworld atmosphere, and it even tosses in some catchy action themes along the way. It’s perfect music for easy background listening- not worthy of the bulk of your attention, but a nice accompaniment to whatever work you may be doing at the time.

Notable tracks: The Devil’s Entrance, Darkness Darkness, Alexander the God of Destruction, Makai Fusion, Quiet Tension

Mini-rant: Answering back to Answerman

Answerman has angried up my blood for a long time, but never before did I feel compelled to write about it- until today (or rather last week, but I ran out of time). He’s always been grumpy, grouchy and inclined to jump down the throats of people who dare to disagree with him and the Great ANN-ADV Alliance, but finally the balance has been tipped by ill-timed venturing onto the forums. Like a troll with the power and right to be there, Answerman moves between threads, ready to spread sarcastic comments wherever he goes. Now personally, I couldn’t care less whether not his opinion coincides with mine- what really gets on my wick, so to speak, is the way he so takes against anyone who doesn’t appreciate that he is right and all-knowing. Worse yet, whenever he writes a filler column revisiting old questions and answers, he routinely admits that he either lied or didn’t know what he was talking about- quite ironic for someone who puts himself on such a pedestal.

Anyway, for the good of all I tend not to read Answerman anymore, but I just had to write this self-indulgent little rant, and now let us imagine Answerman’s reply were he to read this-

“Oh whoop-de-do, I got flamed by some wannabe writer from an insignificant blog at the back end of the internet- I really will be losing sleep tonight! Go and get a life, sister- you don’t like me, deal with it. And don’t put words into my mouth, you aren’t the remotest bit funny.”

In Your Reflection

This week, we see a head-to-head between two black and white pairs of creatures- the Mokonas from Tsubasa/xxxHOliC and the Usas from Magical Pokan. Both are paired magical creatures with special abilities and a generally laid back attitude, although the Mokonas are somewhat more impressive in that they can talk, move items between dimensions and even have their own plushies.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: Romance of the Three Kingdoms Goes Hentai

december may romance: it’s not really the time of year for that.

anime expecting mother: erm, okay…

when did claymore go downhill: It was around about the OP, I feel.

garra and naruto making out: Sometimes you just have to laugh.

x parodies: For x, insert parody title here.

manga+face of emotion+rpg maker: It’s like some sort of bizarre word association.

lu xun x gan ning: Oh come on, Gan Ning is Zhou Yu’s bitch and everyone knows it.

anime watches girls: it does?

fat anime girls: all I can say is “hmm”

“ways of hard gay”: Yes, you must learn the ways.

Amusing Spam

“Jack…

Nice!…”

Yeah, Jack does do some good work.

“stimulate libido…

Locating the top women health info is not easy….”

It can’t be easy, or else you wouldn’t have ended up on an anime blog.

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It is legitimate that getting true info on this subject can be difficult….”

Damn those idiots!

“Eric…

In a recent study, researchers at Indiana University examined the behavior of men and women during a speed-dating session and came up with some not-so-surprising findings…”

Really? Tell me more!

“hair loss in young women…

It is so important that we in the younger generation and our children learn from first hand experiences..thanks again…..”

Yet we must also respect our wise balding elders.

“Work from home jobs…

”Real Work At Home Job That Pays $150 – $2,000 a day. …”

What is it- prostitution?

“Eric…

I like the way you have layed it down in this post thanks….”

Eric knows how to lay it down, he da man, brudda.

“games of free online sex anime…

The best online dating site Adult Dating Personals, live out your sexual fantasies and discover a new playmate online or adult swingers, whether you are looking for a one night stand, or casual sex encounters. http:…”

Hahaha…is all I have to say.

“poker chip sets cheap…

A great deal of the web sites that you will uncover dealing with this matter are very knowledgeable, while many are not….”

That just about covers it, then.