Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 14


Lu Xun awakens from a dream to find himself naked in bed.

(Lu Xun: What is this? Did someone violate me whilst I was sleeping?)

Meanwhile, other named characters gather around Zhou Yu’s corpse.

(Gan Ning: My lord, why did you have to deprive me of everything but CORPSE with you?)

Lu Meng places Zhou Yu’s Flute on his body.

Lu Meng: This was Zhou Yu’s weapon, which he used to bring Pleasure to many.

Gan Ning: It may have only been a Flute, but it was worthier than many Swords.

Whilst Zhou Yu’s many lovers gather outside to pay their respects, the main characters continue their conversation.

Ling Tong: This is bad- if one named OP character can die, then none of us are safe!

Lu Xun arrives.

Lu Xun: I’m sorry- it’s because I can’t die that someone else had to.

Taishi Ci arrives.

Taishi Ci: Lu Xun, come with me- a little Axe will take your mind off your worries.

Taishi Ci takes Lu Xun to a meeting of elder advisors.

Huang Gai: We must guard the Lord’s Cube- without Zhou Yu, it is the most HARD GAY thing we have!

Zhou Tai: Yet without his tactical advice, how will we hold group sessions?

Taishi Ci pushes Lu Xun towards the advisors, somehow causing the Lord’s Cube to fly up in the air and land in Lu Xun’s hands.

Huang Gai: What do you think you’re doing? Just because you’re a main character, you can’t expect to hog all the HARD GAY for yourself!

Zhang Zhao: Damn right! I refuse to be pushed aside just because my design isn’t much better than that of a generic!

Lu Meng appears.

Lu Meng: You know, why don’t we hear what Sun Quan has to say? He is our lord, after all.

Sun Quan is actually out in the garden, tending to his flowers.

Sun Quan: Hmm, I really stop people would stop bothering me with trivial affairs of state- these gardens need attention!

Sun Quan meets up with Lu Xun and the others.

Sun Quan: I hate to say it, but Lu Xun is the main character- and so he should look after the Lord’s Cube.

Meanwhile, Gan Ning is having Hyper Self Pleasure up on the roof when Ling Tong arrives.

Ling Tong: Hey Gan Ning, what are you doing up here?

Gan Ning: Oh, erm, I was just surrendering it to the wind.

Ling Tong: Surrendering what?

Gan Ning: You know- that.

Ling Tong: Oh, I see- but isn’t that Zhou Yu’s Flute you’re holding?

Gan Ning: He was the best partner I ever had- it’s only right that I should keep his Flute.

Ling Tong: I think Lu Meng wanted to have a go on it, but I guess you deserve it more. Oh, and by the way, forget about that whole killing my father thing- you’re such a good lover that it doesn’t really matter.

That evening, Ling Tong, Lu Meng and Zhuge Jin are the only ones at dinner.

Ling Tong: I wonder when Aniki will be ready for HARD GAY with me again.

Zhuge Jin: Me too- tonight’s session was underwhelming.

Lu Meng: If that’s how you feel, you can make do with Hyper Self Pleasure next time.

Zhuge Jin: Ooh, someone’s getting frustrated.

Lu Meng: What do you expect? I haven’t had much Axe from Taishi Ci lately.

Lu Xun remains holed up in his room all night, thinking about Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang.

(Lu Xun: Zhou Yu warned me that I might become consumed by desire- was he trying to say that HARD GAY is a bad thing?)

Early next morning, Lu Xun goes out, only to be stopped by Zhuge Jin.

Zhuge Jin: Good morning, Lu Xun- are you ready for some HARD GAY now?

Lu Xun: Actually, I am…

(Zhuge Jin: At last!)

Lu Xun: …so if you could tell me where Zhuge Liang is, I’d be grateful.

(Zhuge Jin: What!?)

Zhuge Jin: Sorry, I can’t help you.

Lu Xun: Oh well, I’ll just go and look for him myself.

Zhuge Jin: You know, Zhuge Liang is very convincing with his promises of showing you a Sword bigger than any you’ve seen before, but there are people right here who are ready and willing to give you the real deal.

Lu Xun: I’m sorry, but I must know if Zhou Yu ever saw my master’s Sword.

Lu Xun walks away.

In the garden, Lu Su strokes his Knife and thinks of Zhuge Liang.

Lu Su: Zhuge Liang, you are truly beautiful, and it is thanks to you that Wu now has the HARD GAY power of the Sovereign’s Seal- but sadly, no one here knows how to truly use it.

At their HARD GAY hideout, Liu Bei berates Zhang Fei for killing a bird.

Liu Bei: Why did you kill it? It was only a tiny bird!

Zhang Fei: But it might have hurt you! Haven’t you played Legend of Dragoon?

Later, Zhou Yu’s funeral is held.

Sun Quan: Brother, I hope you and Zhou Yu are happy together in heaven.

Meanwhile, Lu Xun and Gan Ning have slipped off together.

Lu Xun: I know I can’t replace Zhou Yu, but if I can give you HARD GAY in compensation, I will.

Gan Ning: I don’t want you- just hand over the Lord’s Cube!

Gan Ning forces himself on Lu Xun and takes the Lord’s Cube.

Gan Ning: This thing is too HARD GAY for any man to own! I must throw it away so that we can spend another twelve episodes searching for it!

Gan Ning falls backwards off the bridge, but Lu Xun grabs him.

Lu Xun: Don’t die, Gan Ning! We need you for the Pleasure Rangers!

They fall off together just as the other Rangers arrive. Taishi Ci grabs them.

Taishi Ci: Ridiculous Strength!

Somehow Taishi Ci pulls them back onto the bridge.

Taishi Ci: I know Zhou Yu was a good lover, but this is ridiculous! Stop thinking of him and concentrate on the living!

Everyone goes to pay their respects to Zhou Yu’s grave.

To be continued…