Everyone has been patiently waiting in the throne room since last episode.
Romeo: Juliet, I now declare that you are Grand Duchess of Neo Verona. Use your main character power to save the people whilst I go back to the village to continue my Harvest Moon dreams.
Generics cheer as the Capulet banner is raised.
Generics: Hooray! This will probably make little difference to our inoffensive, generic lives, but let’s cheer anyway!
(Cordelia: This must mean the series is coming to an end soon! I’m so glad!)
Whilst everyone rejoices, Romeo visits his father’s corpse.
Romeo: Father, you need never force young men to have HARD GAY with you again.
Romeo: Who’s there?
Tybalt: Romeo, I am your brother! …Ahem, sorry about that. Anyway, I’m just here to ask what your screen time plans are for the next couple of episodes- you know, just in case there was anyone close to you who you’d like to give some attention to.
(Tybalt: Come on- take the hint and give me something important to do onscreen.)
Romeo: Well, you know, I really love Harvest Moon so I’m going to give all my screen time to Juliet whilst I go and farm. But if you want something to do, why don’t you go and give HORSE to the siblings of a minor character named Petruchio?
Tybalt: You idiot! I want a proper plot role, not wasting my HORSE on generics! And besides, don’t you even know that Juliet is going to become WOOD?
Romeo: WOOD? That’s an awful ending- I must stop her!
Whilst tremors shake the Keep, Tybalt and Romeo run to find Juliet.
Romeo: Why did this have to be a falling rocks level? Those are so 2006!
A convenient hole in the floor separates Romeo and Tybalt, ensuring that only Romeo can progress.
Tybalt: Damn, even the plot is telling me that I haven’t got an important role! Go on ahead, Romeo!
Romeo continues onwards and catches up with Juliet.
Romeo: Juliet, why didn’t you tell me about this whole WOOD thing? I turned STRAIGHT for you!
Juliet: Stay away- this is my plotline!
Romeo: The title of the show is Romeo X Juliet- we both have equal importance in plot matters!
Juliet: Romeo, don’t you understand? This is the point where I pretend not to love you so that you’ll leave me alone!
Romeo: I know that, but I still have to go after you or the director will get mad at me!
Juliet: You idiot- it’s the director who wants me to become WOOD!
Romeo: Maybe he’s just saying that so that you’ll do the opposite- you know, reverse psychology!
Juliet: I can’t take that chance!
Romeo and Juliet draw their swords and start fighting.
(Juliet: I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this- I’m still Level One!)
(Romeo: Why did I let myself get drawn into this? Now she’ll find out that I’m only Level One!)
As they fight, Juliet is overwhelmed by the power of flashbacks and ends up dropping her sword. Romeo briefly kisses her, before Escalus rises up, destroying much of the cavern and separating the couple just as Conrad, Curio, Francisco and Tybalt fly down.
Ophelia: There is no escape from the power of WOOD!
Juliet’s armour bursts open and she sprouts wings.
Juliet: Romeo, save me from the WOOD!
Tybalt: Romeo, much as I hate to admit it, you are the main character. Take up your sword and save her whilst we all stand around doing nothing.
Romeo: Got it.
Romeo runs after Juliet.
Ophelia: Stay back, boy- she’s mine now!
Ophelia kisses Juliet.
To be continued…