Extracts from the Book of HARD GAY: Koutetsu Sangokushi
Part I: Wu
Lu Xun: The main character, young, good-looking and virile. Having been taught by the great Zhuge Liang himself, he knows of many techniques, but he doesn’t seem to take the hint when approached by potential lovers.
Sun Ce: A rough and powerful lover, his skills are enhanced by the Lord’s Cube.
Sun Quan: A gentle, effeminate lover- prefers to be submissive.
Taishi Ci: Another rough and direct lover, prefers to use Axe. Not for those who prefer a man with a bit of finesse.
Ling Tong: An enthusiastic if not especially skilled partner, recommended only as a last resort if you can’t get anyone else.
Ling Cao: A solid and knowledgeable lover.
Lu Meng: Although he seems tentative and shy in the bedroom, Lu Meng shows some worthy Spear work once he loosens up. Beware when seducing him, as Taishi Ci considers himself to have first claim.
Zhang Zhao: An older advisor, experienced but not a particularly worthy lover.
Huang Gai: Another older lover; lack of action may have made him rusty, but with the right man his talents will blossom once again.
Gan Ning: Zhou Yu’s bitch; know for his tendency to devote himself to a single master. Show him some new techniques, and he will be putty in your hand.
Zhou Yu: One of the most HARD GAY men of the age, his Flute skills are second to none. Known for choosing his lovers carefully, he refuses to be anything other than dominant, and will not accept that there is anyone larger than him. Proceed with caution to avoid bruising his ego.
Zhou Tai: Quite possibly the long lost brother of Kanbe from Samurai 7; another older lover who is solid yet out of practice.
Zhuge Jin: A dominant lover who is skilled in the ways of Claw and Thread. Sleep with him if you wish, but be aware that he will manipulate his lovers in all sorts of way in return for Pleasure.
Lu Su: Although young and enthusiastic, Lu Su has only a Dagger and so may not prove the most satisfying experience in the bedroom. He also has the embarrassing tendency to shout out “Zhuge Liang!” no matter who he is sleeping with.
Join us next week for parts 2-3, covering Wei and Shu!
This Week in Anime
Forget Big Brother- Pizza Hut is always watching you.
“Come to me, you big stallion!”
“Is this enough fruit for you?”
“Oh no, a yellow thing is kissing a grape!”
“Now let’s all eat some fruit!”
“Hey, when’s Akagi going to show up?”
“Fast food- you are hereby placed under arrest by the healthy fruit federation!”
“Now, Lu Xun, let me demonstrate the correct hold for the tango.”
Anime World Tour: Dennou Coil
Welcome to a future where virtual reality is literally everywhere! For a small investment in a pair of special glasses, you can see and interact with a virtual overlay of the real world. Invest in a cute cyber pet, send e-mails and phone calls to your friends and generally enjoy this next step of the internet, all for a reasonable price! Please note, however, use of illegal hacking items and encodes is strongly discouraged, whilst we would like to dispel any alarm caused by false rumours of dangerous obsolete spaces and virus programs. Rest assured that if you do see anything out of the ordinary, those in authority already know about it and will be working to correct the problem.
Mini-editorial: Recovering the spark of the early days
Veteran anime fans, join me for a moment in remembering the times when anime was new and exciting. In those times, just the sight of anime style designs was a noteworthy event, and there was something almost magical about the vast and largely unexplored world of anime- one which surely must contain the series we’d always hoped for and dreamed of in its depths.
Unfortunately, as time passes and one becomes more familiar with both anime and manga, that initial spark inevitably tends to wear away. Anime is commonplace, even overabundant, to the point where one becomes finicky, critical and less likely to try any old series that comes their way. Old series that were once cherished are now deleted or sold, and the excitement of the early days seems entirely absent. Now, I’ve already discussed the “evolution” of a fan’s relationship with anime in previous Tuesday Rumbles, but one thing I haven’t touched on is how to recover- however briefly- the feelings of embarking on something new and exciting. And since waiting for an ultimate series like Dennou Coil to come along and re-energise the old enthusiasm is something of a hit and miss venture, alternate methods must be found.
Perhaps the best way to briefly feel the magic once again is simply to try something new within the vast boundaries of one’s hobby. Visit blogs and take note of the writers’ favourite anime and manga- especially if they are titles you’ve barely heard of. If anime doesn’t inspire you, move onto manga, and if even that won’t do, try some Japanese RPGs. It may only be a temporary measure to appease a jaded palette, but even the briefest return to those simple times when you didn’t know enough to argue about the deeper symbolism of ef or analyse the characters of SaiMono must be a welcome respite.
Harem of the week: Aoyagi Ritsuka (Loveless)
He lost his memory and worried that he wasn’t the real Ritsuka, but that didn’t stop him inadvertently charming all those around him.
Aoyagi Seimei: Ritsuka’s apparently deceased brother; seemed rather close to his younger sibling and is quoted as saying he needs only a world with himself and Ritsuka.
Agatsuma Soubi: Seimei’s Fighter, now passed onto Ritsuka- the seductive older man.
Yuiko: The optimistic if none too bright classmate.
Osamu: A side story character and childhood friend.
Shoko: Ritsuka’s psychologist, wishes she was younger so that she could be closer to Ritsuka.
Kio: Soubi’s friend- wishes Soubi would concentrate on him instead of chasing children.
Yayoi: Another classmate, he likes Yuiko even though she rejected him, and sees Ritsuka as a rival.
Amusing Search Terms
Nightmare Flames: Burn in heck!
FF7 Red XIII with tifa hentai: It disturbs me that I have a feeling I’ve seen something along these lines.
code geass hentai dougin: In the words of Google, “Did you mean code geass hentai doujin?”
how to keep yourself from being ideal in: I’m too perfect! Tell me how to act flawed!
manga diaper movie: This worries me.
how does harukanaru toki no naka de end?: Poorly.
friends forever(anime): We’ll be friends forever…wait, who are you?
blindfold anime episodes: Some episodes are better when watched whilst blindfolded, I find.
“Hello, my name is Gudvin, I like yours blog.”
Thank you, Gudvin.
It can many times get wearisome to extract the acceptable grannycinema data from the poor….”
The idea of “grannycinema” both perplexes and scares me.