Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 18

Lu Xun is in Angst Mode.

Taishi Ci: Snap out of it, man- there are only seven episodes left! We have to get back to Wu!

After a brief spot of HORSE, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei report in to Liu Bei.

Liu Bei: What do you mean, you were unable to defeat the Pleasure Rangers? What are you, mindless underlings?

Zhuge Liang: Do not fear, my Lord; this week’s plan will surely succeed, because instead of attacking well protected main characters, we are going after some mid-bosses from Wei.

Liu Bei: Excellent- and if you could perhaps bring back their severed Swords for me, as I seem to have lost mine.

Zhuge Liang: Now get to it- it’s time for Liu Bei and I to have wild Pleasure in the garden.

A jealous Guan Yu and Zhang Fei leave.

Zhang Fei: What the hell is going on between those two? Liu Bei never sleeps with us anymore- I’m so frustrated!

Guan Yu: The only thing we can do now is indulge in a Flashback Mode.

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei think back to the days when they were just generics- until a fateful meeting with Liu Bei elevated them to the status of named characters.

Guan Yu: If not for Liu Bei, we would have remained random generics forever!

Zhang Fei: Even so, are our named character powers enough to stand against Wei?

In order to ensure that it is, Guan Yu has another session with the Lord’s Sphere.

Guan Yu: No matter what the damage to my mind and body, I must saturate myself with HARD GAY energy!

Zhang Fei does the same. Meanwhile, the Wei army marches on Shu, trampling flowers as they go.

Liu Bei: It’s a shame that they want to kill my people and all, but did they have to step on the flowers? That’s just going too far! Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, go and teach them a lesson!

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei activate their HARD GAY auras and fly off (no, seriously, I don’t even need to make this up anymore). They use HARD GAY energy to knock down the Wei generics. In response, Cao Ren and Xu Zhu activate their own HARD GAY power.

Cao Ren: Damn, there’s no beating these guys- they’ve completely given in to their animal instincts!

Since all their generic cannon fodder troops have died, Cao Ren and Xu Zhu beat a hasty retreat.

Liu Bei: Hooray, hooray, genocide today!

Guan Yu: These generics aren’t enough! I need more HARD GAY!

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei try to sate their unnatural desires by turning on each other. Liu Bei runs over to stop them.

Liu Bei: Guan Yu, Zhang Fei- you can’t die yet! We still have the last part of the series to go!

Their HARD GAY energy dissipates.

(Zhuge Liang: Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, you may still live, but Liu Bei’s heart is mine!)

Meanwhile, Lu Xun is running back to the action.

(Lu Xun: I can’t believe this episode passed without my doing anything!)

The other Pleasure Rangers stop him.

Taishi Ci: Think of the plot, man! I know there isn’t much of one, but we can’t mess it up by interfering where we’re not supposed to!

Lu Xun: Fine, I’ll trust in the writers.

To be continued…

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