Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 21

Lu Xun tends to Guan Yu, who fortunately is back in human form.

Guan Yu: Don’t you hate me? I mean, it was my turning into a horse monster that tipped this series over the edge into complete and utter ridiculousness.

Lu Xun: I shouldn’t worry, it was heading that way from the start. We shouldn’t blame ourselves when the writers are the ones at fault!

Meanwhile, Liu Bei is having a tantrum.

Liu Bei: Why am I being cast as the villain in this series? Everyone knows I’m righteous and good!

Upon seeing this, Zhang Fei realises that he must save Guan Yu by using the power of the Lord’s Sphere.

Zhang Fei: HARD GAY energy, flow into me- even if I end up turning into a ridiculous monster it will be worth it!

Zhuge Liang watches as Zhang Fei zooms off into the distance.

Zhuge Liang: Alas, any lover not worthy of my charms must be gotten rid of in this way. Zhao Yun, here is another dose of the mighty aphrodisiac that turned Guan Yu into a raging HORSE- use it as you wish.

Zhao Yun: But won’t the viewers become disillusioned if we use exactly the same trick twice in a row?

Zhuge Liang: Use it, boy, and I will show you why they nicknamed me “Huge Wang”.

Zhao Yun eagerly departs. Meanwhile, the Pleasure Rangers are preparing for Zhang Fei’s inevitable arrival.

Lu Meng: Guan Yu, your fate has been decided.

Guan Yu: Am I to be executed?

Lu Meng: Our Lord wishes to see you- if you can Pleasure him sufficiently, you may yet be spared.

Lu Meng and Lu Xun take Guan Yu outside to see Sun Quan.

Lu Xun: Lord Sun Quan is an amazing person- outwardly he seems so weak, and yet he is like an animal in the bedroom.

Sun Quan: Lu Meng, now that you’ve dragged Guan Yu all the way out to see me, you can reveal his fate.

Lu Meng: Guan Yu, you have been sentenced to punishment by Harvest Moon! You must take control of this barren, lifeless earth and transform it into a working farm within three years!

Guan Yu: I must protest! Who needs something useless like a farm when we could turn this into a massive flower garden of no practical use?

Sun Quan: Ah, let me just explain the teensy flaws in that argument. You see, people can’t eat flowers.

Guan Yu: Hmm, I guess you do have a point.

Guan Yu thinks back to when he met Zhang Fei and they fought over a watermelon the latter had stolen until Liu Bei broke up the fight.

Liu Bei: See how food causes fighting? We should abolish food in favour of flowers, which are peaceful and beautiful.

Back in the present…

Guan Yu: Just where exactly did we go wrong? I can’t seem to pinpoint the exact moment.

After half an episode, Zhang Fei finally reaches the Wu stronghold.

Gan Ning: Ranger Orange! Flare Arrow!

Ling Tong: Ranger Blue! Frontal assault!

Zhuge Jin: Ranger Green! Claw Swipe!

Zhang Fei: Counterattack! Energy Shield!

Zhang Fei easily deflects their attacks.

Lu Xun: You might be able to hold your own against supporting characters, but let’s see how you do against the lead! Ranger Red, power up!

Lu Xun and Zhang Fei commence battle.

Guan Yu: Sun Quan, I thank you for the Harvest Moon offer, but I must decline- for only I can save Zhang Fei from these raging HARD GAY impulses.

Zhang Fei throws his ‘balls’ at Lu Xun, but Guan Yu arrives in time to intercept them. The two ‘brothers’ engage in intense HARD GAY.

Guan Yu: Brother, for your sake I will quench your insatiable desires by giving my life in one last session of HARD GAY!

Guan Yu dies bringing Zhang Fei back to normal.

Zhang Fei: Guan Yu!!!!

Lu Xun: Angst Mode! I’m in despair!

Zhang Fei: This is all Zhuge Liang’s fault! There are some forms of HARD GAY that man was never meant to know about!

Zhao Yun appears from nowhere.

Zhao Yun: We’ll see about that! Open wide!

Zhao Yun forces the aphrodisiac on Zhang Fei. In another room, the Pleasure Rangers wait for him.

Lu Xun: Lu Meng, did you plan to recruit Zhang Fei from the start?

Lu Meng: Not really, but when I saw the size of his Sword, I knew he would be a great addition to the group.

Zhang Fei enters.

Ling Tong: About time- we’ve all been waiting for you to service us.

Unfortunately, the aphrodisiac has turned him into a sex-starved beast.

Lu Xun: Why? Why did you take drugs when we could have had great HARD GAY without them?

Zhang Fei: I didn’t want to- AAAGGHHH!!!!

Zhang Fei resists the power of the aphrodisiac and ends up turning into purple sparkles.

Lu Xun: Not again! I’m in despair!

Back at the Shu palace, Zhuge Liang informs Liu Bei of recent events.

Zhuge Liang: Well, it looks like Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are dead- it’s just you and me now, my Lord.

To be continued…

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