Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 23

Lu Xun has a Flashback Mode to the time when he first met Zhuge Liang in a black, featureless void.

Zhuge Liang: Poor little boy, all alone without even a backdrop, Come to me, and I will show you the ways of men- it will hurt at first, but in time I’m sure you’ll come to enjoy it.

Meanwhile, Liu Bei plays alone in the frozen wasteland.

Liu Bei: Playing with the frozen men, having so much fun- wait a minute, Lu Xun isn’t here! I can’t become the main character until I get rid of him!

Meanwhile, Lu Xun has run off with Sun Quan.

Lu Xun: Don’t worry, my Lord, in a few days we’re bound to find some nomads I can leave you with; then I can go and be heroic by myself.

Sun Quan: What can any man accomplish by himself? Does it not take two for Pleasure?

Lu Xun: Oh, don’t worry about me.

(Lu Xun: How can I even begin to explain about Hyper Self Pleasure?)

The Liu Bei dragon continues to search for Lu Xun, but only finds Zhao Yun.

Zhao Yun: Ah, my Lord, you look different somehow- have you changed your hairstyle?

Liu Bei: Fool! I’m looking for Lu Xun so that I can finish him off and become the main character.

Zhao Yun: Hmm, I believe Zhuge Liang is next in line for the post of main character.

Liu Bei: Then I’ll just have to find him too! And when I do, he can show me that mighty weapon he’s always boasting about!

Zhao Yun: So, you want to see him too.

Liu Bei: Of course! And then I will preserve his wondrous implement by encasing it in ice forever!

Liu Bei flies away.

Zhao Yun: Wow, turning into a dragon really hasn’t been good for his mental state. Doesn’t he know that Zhuge’s flaming passion would melt through any ice?

That night, Lu Xun and Sun Quan camp out under the stars.

(Sun Quan: He seems unwilling to initiate Pleasure. I must try to seduce him.)

Sun Quan gets Lu Xun’s attention by burning his hand.

Lu Xun: My Lord! You must be careful!

Sun Quan: Ah, fancy meeting you- do you come here often? Please, tell me more about yourself.

Lu Xun: There’s not much to tell, really- when I was young, Master took me in and taught me many things, such as how to cook and clean for him, and how to take Pleasure from behind.

(Sun Quan: Damn, why is he so obsessed with Zhuge Liang? It makes it almost impossible for another man to score with him!)

Sun Quan: Hmm, maybe you’d better get some sleep.

Lu Xun: But I’ll have bad dreams and the monster under the bed might get me!

Sun Quan starts stroking Lu Xun’s hair.

Sun Quan: Well then, I know some other things we can do in bed…

The next day, the couple start searching for food. Sun Quan picks a generic leaf.

Sun Quan: What about this tasty-looking leaf?

Lu Xun: Get serious- it’s a leaf.

Later, Lu Xun practises alone with his ‘sword’.

(Lu Xun: Master, once I leave Sun Quan, I shall finally see your mighty weapon and service it with my own two hands!)

Lu Xun is overcome by feelings of Pleasure for Zhuge Liang.

That night, Sun Quan tries to seduce Lu Xun again.

Sun Quan: Let’s look at the stars and see if we can find a constellation of two men, or perhaps a giant Sword.

(Sun Quan: Could my flirting be any more obvious?)

(Lu Xun: I never before realised…how much I love my master!)

The next day, they continue their journey.

Sun Quan: Oh, by the way, Lu Xun, I got you a present.

Lu Xun: You did? What is it?

Sun Quan: A tree- I planted it for you at our last campsite.

(Lu Xun: What an awful present- I was hoping for money or some saucy pictures.)

Lu Xun: Er, thank you.

Sun Quan: It’s a great gift, don’t you think, for whilst it is unlikely that the people of the future will remember us and make games and anime series loosely based on our lives, this generic tree will live on.

Finally, the couple reach a frozen plain.

Lu Xun: All right, looks like it’s time for us to part ways.

Sun Quan: You can’t just leave me here in the middle of nowhere!

Lu Xun: Oh, I’m sure some nomads will be along eventually- and besides, it’s almost the end of the episode.

Sun Quan: But I want you! Don’t leave me behind.

Lu Xun: Just because everyone else in this series is HARD GAY doesn’t mean that you have to force yourself to conform. I’ve always suspected you might secretly be STRAIGHT, or a woman.

(Sun Quan: What a cruel way to reject someone!)

The Liu Bei dragon suddenly appears.

To be continued…

One thought on “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 23

  1. “…is unlikely that the people of the future will remember us and make games and anime series loosely based on our lives”

    😀 You hit the nail on the spot

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