Tuesday Rumble: June 17th

Crest/Banner of the Stars: the game

Can’t get enough of the Seikai universe? Then why not take control of it yourself, as the commander of the Abh Fleet? With Abh forces at your command, planets to conquer, resources to mine and the United Mankind to defeat, there’s plenty to do in this sci-fi tactical simulation. Go online and challenge other empires, or play against the computer and ensure peace in the galaxy. Commission the building of customised attack squadrons, keep planetary populations happy or just run roughshod over their wishes and risk rebellion- the power is in your hands!

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters

Sensei: Class, I don’t have a lesson plan today, so I’m just going to improvise. Everyone, get out your text books and start studying.

Chiri: Wait, you can’t do that- everything has to be done just right. Start by calling the register, then have us get our textbooks out and read!

Sensei: But it’s improvisation! It doesn’t matter how I do it.

Chiri: Even improvisation needs to have rules or everything will end up in chaos!

Sensei: Zetsubou shita! The society that imposes rules on improvisation has left me in despair!

• Strict rules for improvisation in Indian music.
• Lessons required for ‘freestyle’ dancing.
• Ad-libbing actors still having to be aware of what they’re saying.
• Unable to use any old lie when making an excuse.
• Examiners still looking for specific things after allowing students to write about whatever they want.

Wagaya no Oinari-sama 6

“…having HARD YURI.”

“Pretending to be a HARD YURI expert when I’m just as much of a beginner.”

“Are you trying to say she’s really a man?”

Yes, because we Westerners are known for just getting naked anywhere and everywhere.

What is this, Pokemon?

Toshokan Sensou 7

“Are you worthy of glimpsing my Zhuge Liang?”

Fruit sighted!

“I don’t know- get me to a bathroom quick!”

The Jintarou Kyle Show

Kyle: Hello and welcome to another edition of the Jintarou Kyle Show! This week’s topic is “Forced to pilot a giant robot…even though I’m only in junior high!” So let’s have our first guest on the show- Shinji Ikari!

Shinji emerges and sit down.

Kyle: Shinji, am I right in thinking that you were asked to pilot a giant robot at the age of only fourteen?

Shinji: That’s right- my dad asked me to do it.

Kyle: So, at an age where most boys are worrying about girls, sports and hanging out with their mates, your own father is pressuring you to get inside a giant robot and fight? That’s disgraceful!

Shinji: Well, I wanted my dad to notice me- I didn’t know how else to get his attention.

Kyle: That sounds like a cry for help to me- so let’s get Gendou Ikari on the show!

Gendou enters as the audience boos.

Kyle: Gendou, is it true that you made your own son go out and fight for the future of humanity?

Gendou: That’s right- I did it, and I’d do it again.

Kyle: Well, I think it’s disgraceful! You told our researchers that you didn’t even want to spend time with the boy- that you’d rather let him live alone than come and stay with you. This is a fourteen year old boy crying out for your love and attention, and you have just pushed him aside!

The audience claps and cheers.

Shinji: No, it’s really not all that bad- I have Misato…

Kyle: The poor boy is even too scared to confront you about it! Shall I tell you what he said to our researchers? He said that he feels too worthless and scared to even want to commit suicide!

Gendou: I-I had no idea. Son, you never told me this!

Kyle: This boy needs his father. I never said it was going to be easy to rebuild your relationship, but our show psychologist can help you work through your issues. Ladies and gentlemen- Shinji and Gendou!

Shinji and Gendou get up and leave the stage together.

Kyle: Next on the show we’ll be talking to Ayato Kamina, who was forced to leave the only life he’d ever known and live on a remote island as the pilot of the RahXephon. Stay tuned, because that’s coming after the break.

Anime Big Brother

The housemates have entered the Big Brother house, but how are they doing? Let’s check up on them.

Morning

Watanuki is the first up- he starts cooking everyone breakfast.

Doumeki: Don’t forget to make those spring rolls I like!

Watanuki: Shut up! I don’t do everything for you! Oh, if only Himawari-chan was here!

Everyone comes down for breakfast, but Horo and Kuu-chan start arguing over who gets the last apple.

Kuu-chan: Hands off that apple!

Horo: No fox is going to tell Horo the Wise what to do!

Lawrence: I have a business proposition- why don’t you split the apple 50-50?

Horo: You’re such a softie- can’t you see that with people like her you have to drive a hard bargain? I demand at least 70% of the apple!

Heat: If you guys don’t shut up, I’ll devour both of you!

(Lelouch: I could command them to shut up, but I must not waste my Geass on such a trivial thing.)

After the first day of ups and downs, our housemates are called in to talk to Big Brother.

Big Brother: So, Wil, how’s it going?

Wil: Well, things aren’t too bad, but I feel like Allison is trying to tell me something- this morning I found her in my bed with all her clothes stripped off! I don’t know what that’s all about.

Next, Big Brother has some sad news for Aoki.

Big Brother: Aoki, we have some sad news for you- your father has just died.

Aoki: Oh. Oh well, back to the house- I’m on dinner duty tonight.

Readers, you decide! Who should be evicted? Who should enter the house to take their place? Suggestions below.

This Week in Anime

Kogarashi presents new “Apple A Day” initiative.

I feel like I’m watching The Jewellery Channel. Oh, and did you know that amethyst is derived from the Greek word ‘amethystos’, meaning ‘not drunken’, because it was believed that wearing amethyst could stop you from getting drunk*? (*don’t try this at home).

Helth brand cigarettes, for a healthier cigarette.

“Such extremes of Hyper Self Pleasure!”

“Pears! Get your pears here!”

“Mmm, delicious!”

“Weaklings- can’t even hold their pears.”

“Damn, that guy is eyeing up my pears.”

“Gwakaka, he left his pears unguarded! Now’s my chance!”

If you didn’t fancy that amethyst earring, how about this oval cut loose sapphire?

I’m sorry, but of all filler weapons, this has to be one of the most stupid.

“We know that monkeys are traditionally regarded as banana lovers, but we have many other fruit to offer.”

Satoru pays for the latest session of phone sex.

The pears return- with apples on their side!

Flash Game Review: Lego Indiana Jones

Forget the disappointment of the film and try a demo of the best thing to come out of the Indy franchise- Lego Indiana Jones. This four level Flash game lets you control Indy for some side-scrolling action- hover the cursor over coins and treasure to pick them up, and click on flashing red hazards in time to dodge, jump over or otherwise avoid them. It sounds simple enough, but it actually requires decent reflexes and good timing- although luckily it’s addictive enough to make you want to complete trying until the level is mastered. After all, you have to clear levels 1-2 just to get the point where you can have Lego Indy ride on a cute Lego horse!

Harem of the week: Klein (Atelier Iris)

He may have seemed like a straightforward alchemist, but beneath it all, Klein had an eye for the ladies- after all, he could always wow them with his ‘staff’.

Harem

Lita: The female lead and main love interest- a strong-willed tsundere with a unique secret.

Norn: a youthful catgirl with a pure and innocent love for Klein.

Viola: apathetic proprietor of the local magic store- can Klein make her care about life again?

Blair: A proud young woman who opens a bakery after falling on hard times.

Hute and Villa: A pair of forward and outspoken sisters.

Arlin: A male party member who enjoys practising ‘swordplay’ with Klein.