Allison and Will follow the kidnapper’s aircraft.
Wil: Won’t they see us?
Allison: Don’t worry- main character power is rendering us invisible and inaudible.
They fly on and cross the border- only to get shot at.
Wil: Hey, what happened to main character power?
Allison: It’s okay, everything’s going to plan! I’m just pretending to spin out of control to throw them off our trail! Now I’m just pretending that we’re plummeting towards the ground! Now I’ll pretend to crash!
The plane crashes.
Allison: Well, at least we came away unharmed.
Allison and Wil sit in the woods and eat rations.
Allison: Hey, this is just like the picnics we used to have.
Wil: I don’t remember us ever sitting in a foreign wood in the middle of the night.
Allison: Ah, the good old days- we’ve been friends forever, haven’t we? Long enough for us to discover our true feelings for each other.
Wil: Yes, our true feelings- of firm friendship.
As morning magically arrives within moments, Allison and Wil spot a fawn, but when they approach it, the mother deer attacks, kicking Wil in the head.
(Allison: Thank god Wil’s so thick-headed- there shouldn’t be any lasting damage.)
Wil: Uh, I feel like I’ve lost 20 IQ points. Also, my legs feel a bit weak- would you mind carrying me all day today?
Allison duly carries Wil until they find the Mysterious Convenient House in the Middle of Nowhere.
Allison: That’s main character power at work!
A woman, Travas Radia, emerges and they go indoors.
Travas: Kicked in the head by a deer, you say? Who are you, anyway?
(Allison: I see no reason not to trust this random woman who lives in the middle of nowhere.)
Allison: I’m Allison Whittington from the air force, and this is my childhood friend Wilhelm Schulz! We’re trying to rescue a kidnapped old man and find a legendary secret treasure!
Travas: Whatever- I didn’t ask for you life story. Oh, and by the way, I automatically hate all soldiers, but since it wouldn’t be sporting to do it tonight, I’ll turn you into the police tomorrow.
Somehow it once again automatically becomes evening.
Allison: Oh well, since there’s only a bed for you, Wil, I guess I’ll have to sleep outside on the stony earth, with only slugs and pebbles for company.
Wil: Hmm? Oh, that gives me an idea!
Wil: Why don’t we share a bed-
Wil: -just like good friends should?
The next morning, Wil gets up early.
Travas: You two- you’re main characters, aren’t you?
Wil: That’s right.
Travas: In that case, let me get screen time by telling you my life story. You see, my two boys were killed in the war, so I live here in the middle of nowhere in case fighting breaks out again- that way, I, an elderly woman, can rush straight to the front lines and cut a swathe of destruction through the ranks of highly trained enemy soldiers. Anyway, enough of that- let’s have breakfast.
Allison comes back.
Wil: Hey Allison, let’s go and find the treasure- I’m sure it exists.
Travas: Wait a minute- what treasure?
Wil: A magical treasure that will automatically end the war, of course!
Travas: Oh, why didn’t you say? Here, take my sons’ uniforms as a disguise- they’re on size fits all! Oh, and this gun too- I need to clear all this old army junk out of the house.
Wil: Thank you very much.
Travia: Oh no, it’s me who should be thanking you- just by coming into my lives for one night, you’ve made me realise that I’ve wasted the last decade hating the Roxche army. I feel so much better now!
Allison and Wil head off on their way.
To be continued…