Antique Bakery parody episode 4

Outside the bakery, Chigake thinks about Ono and gets a RAGING HARD-ON.

(Chikage: Ono, take me in your arms and let me the rich chocolate sauce to your creamy profiterole!)

At closing time, Tachibana calls Chikage in.

Chikage: What is it, young master?

Tachibana: Well, you know, it’s getting pretty late and I’m closing up shop soon…

Chikage: Are you propositioning me?

(Chikage: What to do, what to do- should I pick Ono or Tachibana?)

Tachibana: No, I just want to know if you plan on stalking me forever!

(Chikage: No, don’t send me away!)

(Ono: No, don’t send him away!)

Tachibana: In fact, why not come and work here? You’re in the OP anyway, so you can be my errand boy.

Chikage: Did you say whipping boy? I accept!

Tachibana: Hmm, your hand feels a bit warm. Have you been…?

Chikage: Having Hyper Self Pleasure over Ono? Of course not!

Tachibana: Okay then- you two, starting tomorrow, stick this guy in the corner of the kitchen.

(Ono: Stick it in? With Pleasure!)

Eiji: Isn’t he a bit big to go in the corner?

(Ono: He’s Zhuge? Even better!)

Tachibana: Please go easy on him.

(Ono: Okay, I won’t wear him out just yet.)

That night, Ono takes Chikage to the infamous gay bar of episode one.

Ono: Now listen up, officially this guy is STRAIGHT- and as far I’m concerned, that means I’m the only one who gets to turn him. Chikage, would you mind taking off your sunglasses?

Chikage: I, er, I can’t…

(Chikage: He mustn’t know that it’s only these sunglasses that suppress my inner HARD GAY!)

Ono: Oh, come on.

Ono takes off Chikage’s sunglasses. The HARD GAY levels in the bar increase a hundredfold.

(Barkeep: Damn, that’s one guy I wouldn’t mind for myself!)

Meanwhile, Tachibana has another nightmare Flashback Mode about the terrible night of the strawberries. His child self raises a knife to stab the evil strawberry, before he wakes up sweating.

(Tachibana: This phobia is getting worse! Soon I won’t even be able to look at a strawberry!)

Meanwhile, Ono is continuing to drool over Chikage.

Chikage: Ono, I really would like to spend the night with you-

(Ono: Jackpot!)

Chikage: -but the young master will need me to comfort him during the night. You understand, don’t you?

(Ono: NOOOOO!!!)

Ono: Well, in that case, if you wouldn’t mind just dropping me off at a hotel on the way…

Chikage takes Ono to a hotel room, where Ono immediately tries to seduce him.

(Ono: I must have this man!)

Chikage: I- I’m sorry! I can’t betray the young master! Farewell!

Chikage runs off.

Ono: Oh cruel fate, why must you mock me? Why do the two men I want most seem so committed to each other?

Chikage runs into Tachibana’s apartment.

Chikage: Young Master, forgive me! I’m ready for HARD GAY now!

Tachibana: Didn’t I tell you I hate HARD GAY?

The next day, everyone is back at work when a young man, Yacchan, arrives.

Yacchan: Yu-chan, is it true that you’ve been sleeping with other men?

Ono: Of course it is- I mean, I’m a main character and you’re just some random gay.

Yacchan: They say he was tall and handsome, just like this guy right here! Aagh, I knew it!

Ono: Oh, him- no, there’s nothing between me and Chikage.

(Ono: I must lie so that Tachibana doesn’t suspect a thing.)

(Chikage: Nothing between us? Is that how you think of me, Ono?)

Chikage starts crying and runs off.

Tachibana: Ono, how could you break Chikage’s heart like that? Go and apologise to him at once! He’ll be at my apartment, of course.

(Ono: This is bad- but at least Tachibana is becoming more receptive to the high levels of HARD GAY around here.)

Ono goes to visit Chikage at Tachibana’s apartment.

Ono: Wow, this is really close to the bakery- I never realised how easy it would be to have an affair.

Chikage: You didn’t mean it when you said there was nothing between us, did you? I thought we were destined to be together!

Ono: Chikage, I’m so sorry- of course I want HARD GAY with you! It’s just that I kind of picked you up on the rebound, and I want our relationship to be more than that!

Chikage: Ono!

Ono: Chikage!

They embrace.

Later, Chikage dresses in a waiter’s uniform.

Tachibana: I can’t leave Chikage in the kitchen with you, Ono- who knows what might happen? Instead, he’ll be serving cakes out front with me.

(Ono: Maybe it’s for the best- if we work too closely I’m bound to end up sleeping with Chikage instead of baking cakes.)

As customers start arriving, one of them turns out to be the detective who rescued young Tachibana from his kidnapper.

Detective: I’m so sorry- it’s all my fault that you ended up with a lifelong fear of strawberries!

Tachibana: It’s okay- I’ve learned to live with it. And since this cake shop reminds me of being forced to eat strawberry cake by my kidnapper, maybe it will help me work through my issues.

To be continued…

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4 Responses to Antique Bakery parody episode 4

  1. Haesslich says:

    See? Not so hard, especially when Ono utters lines like those. 😉

    Now look forward to episodes 6 and 7.. the latter for Tachibana getting shot down by a girl. You can probably do something good with that.

  2. issa-sa says:

    NOOO, not the evil strawberries!!
    Somehow these parodies could too easily be taken for the real episodes themselves…

  3. Karura says:

    Yeah, I should probably start calling them episode summaries rather than parodies 😉

    Strawberries have started showing up everywhere since this anime started airing…

  4. Loony says:

    that was awesome!!!!
    thank you for this wonderfull thing!

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