How I became ‘perverted’
Maintaining a reputation can be difficult sometimes- one minute you’ve convinced everyone you’re as sweet and innocent as they come, the next you’ve gained a reputation for being a bit of a pervert. The latter isn’t true, of course, but how could such a misunderstanding have come about?
- “I only played that eroge because I was curious after watching the anime adaptation!”
- “I only acquired those game CGs because I like the character designs!”
- “I only read that yaoi manga because it had an interesting sounding title!”
- “These pictures of couples and naked women are just references for my drawing!”
- “I’m only looking at this adult doujin because someone sent it to me!”
- “I know this anime has adult scenes, but I’m watching it for its historical/dramatic/romantic elements!”
I just played that adult game because it had SRPG elements! I just downloaded those naked women because they looked beautiful! I’m just reading this yaoi manga because I liked the title!
Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters
Sensei is at his desk, but nothing is happening.
Chiri: Sensei, the bell has rung- you should be taking class!
Sensei: There will be no class today! I must finally depart this mortal coil!
Sensei gets out a noose.
Sensei: Last night, I had a marvellous idea- something that would become my life’s work! But when I woke up this morning, I had forgotten it! There’s no point in living anymore!
Kafka: But Sensei, when we forget things, it’s just to make room for new things!
Sensei: Zetsubou shita! This world where great ideas can so easily be forgotten has left me in despair!
- Ideas you think of whilst falling asleep that are forgotten in the morning because you forgot to write them down.
- Forgetting everything you revise when you get into the exam.
- Forgetting a perfect pitch in front of potential investors.
- Freezing up in the middle of a play or recital.
- Unsaved documents lost in a computer crash.
- Priceless works lost to fire or flood.
- Geniuses dying of malnutrition because they forgot to eat.
Ryu receives some HARD GAY encouragement…
…along with a confession.
“I can get much more aroused than that!”
“A truly Zhuge Liang!”
“Don’t act so surprised- I told you I was large!”
Yoh discovers the joys of fetishism.
A perfect HARD GAY moment.
“I need to study those HARD GAY techniques!”
“Ryu, I’m just not into you.”
“You’re not doing it right!”
Len tries to deny any confusion over sexuality.
“Even if you’re not experienced with HARD GAY, we’ll see how it goes.”
“Man or woman, it’s all the same to you.”
Welcome to our regular feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. Nyanko-sensei is a contract expert who made his fortune in the supernatural business, and whose sharp observations and ruthless manner make him a formidable businessman. Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?
Entering the Den this week is Fai D. Flowright, an entrepreneur with an intriguing concept based around discoveries made whilst travelling.
Fai: Hello, my name is Fai, and I’m here to represent Tsubasa Enterprises. We are looking for investment in the procurement and sale of our product, the Sakura Feather. Made of pure memory, these feathers represent an amazing new power source, one that is both renewable and eco-friendly.
Mr Tibbs: When you say procurement, does that mean you aren’t actually making these?
Fai: Well, not as such, no- we just collect them.
Nyanko-sensei: And how hard is it to collect them?
Fai: It’s not without its challenges- but it’s well worth the effort. They make amazing power sources.
Cardinal: Hmm, I do have the manpower to see to their collection, but I have several questions. First, what’s to stop other people from collecting and selling the same product? Do you have an exclusivity contracts?
Fai: Well, I’m travelling with the heroes, so we always get the feathers.
Mikoto: Always? Bear in mind that we have had Fei Wong Reed in here, who I believe you may be familiar with.
Fai: Okay, there have been one or two exceptions, but we do have the monopoly on the market.
Cardinal: Fair enough, but even so, there must be a finite amount of feathers. I’m very wary of investing in a company whose worth will one day just drop to zero- unless of course you have a contingency plan?
Nyanko-sensei: Now wait a minute, I can see some potential here. Is there any way you could research or take control of actual feather production?
Fai: Erm, I…I honestly don’t know.
Aria: Punyu. [Making feathers is obviously going to cost someone their memories. I’m not comfortable with that, and so I’m out.]
Cardinal: To be honest, as you are, you are not investable. If you can find a way to maintain the exclusivity of your product and the longevity of your business, we’d be interested, but as it is, it’s not something that can be scaled to the levels we’re looking at. I think I speak for all of us when I say- I’m out.
Although most of the Dragons were interested in the product, flaws in the business model have discouraged the Dragons, leaving Fai to go home without the investment he was hoping for.
Scenes we’d like to see
Lines you’d never hear in Star Trek
“Captain, there’s a major disaster affecting the Federation- but another starship has taken care of it so we won’t be needed.”
“Everything is as it seems on this idyllic alien planet- let’s enjoy an entire episode of doing nothing.”
“Captain, I’m not going down to the planet with you- this red shirt means I’d be doomed!”
“You know what, Spock, I really can’t be bothered to save the galaxy today- let’s just leave it.”
“Cap’n, the engines are down, the dilithium crystals are shot, and there’s no way I can fix it! I’m goin’ home for the day!”
“The invading aliens don’t seem to be at all interested in Earth! They’re targeting one of the many other planets in the Federation!”
“Does anyone have a map of this place? I seem to be lost on Deck Five.”
“These alien pleasure women are an illogical nightmare, Captain- I’m completely
and utterly sexually exhausted.”
“People of Earth, we have come to share our knowledge and wisdom with you- and there is absolutely no catch! No really, this time you can trust us!”
This Week in Anime
The sight of so many lemons in anime is unprecedented.
But they won’t give up their secrets easily.
And, if given the chance, they will fight back.
HARD GAY- just say no.
When so many fruits come together, something is bound to happen…
…and indeed, within moments a fight has broken out.
“Just because fruits appear all the time in anime, there’s no need to shove it down our throats!”
“I thought everyone liked putting some ‘banana’ in their mouth.”
“Aagh, someone’s having DOG in here!”
“I feel strangely aroused.”
“No one was ever meant to see DOG!”
“Oranges and whites, get your oranges and whites here!”
“I’ll take an orange- I don’t know what whites are.”
“Smile for the camera, orange!”
That fruit basket from earlier somehow jumps series to end up here.
“Oh my god, he’s having WATERMELON!”
“Destroy this abomination at once!”
“Akagi will be along soon.”
Game World Tour: Mana Khemia
Welcome to a world where your dreams of attending a school of alchemy can finally be realised! At the dedicate Al Revis Academy, you will spend three years on campus, learning alchemic synthesis, combat training and survival skills. Unfortunately, you will not be allowed to leave campus from the time you arrive until the time you graduate, but if you do well enough in your studies, you will have plenty of free time to explore and make new friends. Just be warned- slack off in your studies and you’ll get put in detention! So don’t delay, apply to Al-Revis Academy today!
Mini-rant: Why is it always character A’s fault when character B is a complete and utter a-hole? Is it a reflection on Japanese culture?
Forgive the length of the title, but upon watching Antique Bakery episode 8, I was struck by something- how many times in anime have we seen a character complain about someone acting rudely or indifferently towards them, only to be told it’s their fault? Now, whilst I appreciate that interaction is a two-way thing, and that both sides may not be completely blameless, when we see a character acting deplorably, isn’t it the fault of that particular character? Is it merely indicative of the values of politeness, respect, obedience and so forth in Japanese culture that mean we should take it as our own fault when people treat us badly? Shouldn’t we just call them out for being the assholes that they are?
Take Leon in Kaleido Star, for example- he went as far as dropping his partner, and then Sora and May get the blame for not being trusting enough. Personally, I don’t blame them for being wary if he’s going to take it into his head to do something like that.
Harem of the week: Vayne (Mana Khemia)
A quiet and sometimes weak-willed character, Vayne started out pretty indifferent to the world, but still somehow managed to amass girls around him
Jess: The main girl, classmate and the first one to befriend Vayne when he comes to Al-Revis Academy. Suffers from a mysterious sickness.
Nikki: An outspoken catgirl with super strength and the desire to marry lots of husbands and bear lots of children.
Pamela: A ghost who resides in the school library, Pamela is whimsical and easily distracted.
Anna: A pre-teen master of swords, she is an impeccable samurai but sometimes misinterprets social situations due to her overly serious nature.