Antique Bakery parody episode 12 [end]

With the kidnapping case resolved, the police thank Tachibana.

Yoshioka: Thanks for everything you did, Tachibana- and don’t worry, we won’t reveal your name as a low-life collaborating snitch!

Udagawa: It’s just as well you got there when you did, because after the cake would have come death! That’s how meals usually go, isn’t it?

(Tachibana: Oh, shut up, you minor characters! When am I going to get closure? I’ve wasted eleven episodes of my life in a stupid cake shop just to catch these damned kidnappers!)

Tachibana returns to Antique, where the others are still waiting.

Ono: Tachibana, is it true that the series is ending?

Tachibana: Yes, but we have one episode left- so we should make the most of it.

Ono: So, how was the child?

Tachibana: Oh yeah, he was okay.

Everyone seems happy, and Chikage even cries tears of happiness.

Tachibana: Oh come on, who cares about that? It wasn’t like he was the one who kidnapped me!

Meanwhile, the Original Kidnapper™ is moving house and may never be caught.

Solicitor: Well, this completes the contract- do you know where you’re moving to?

Man: I know where I’m going- Hell.

Time passes, and Antique Bakery continues to go from strength to strength. Everyone lives happily ever after- except that there are 14 minutes still to fill. So instead, Tachibana wakes up one morning to find that Chikage has packed his bags.

Tachibana: What- what’s going on here?

Chikage: I must leave you now, young Master.

Tachibana: What- are you going away to train in the mountains?

Chikage: No, I’m just moving out to my own place. Now that you don’t need me to make your cocoa and hug you at night, I think it’s a bit HARD GAY for us to be living together.

Tachibana: When has that ever been a problem?

Chikage: I’m afraid it’s time for me to get my own place so I can bring home other men. Farewell- I may get in touch some time.

Tachibana: Well, this is the era of e-mail and mobile phones, so it won’t exactly be hard.

Chikage leaves, but that very night Tachibana has another nightmare.

(Tachibana: Damn, I keep having this dream that I’m trapped in a world where I run a HARD GAY bakery!)

The next day (or whenever), Eiji and Ono are in the kitchen.

Eiji: Hey, I was thinking it was about time for me to go to France to improve my skills. My French teacher is going back for a couple of weeks, so I can go with her.

Ono: Go with a woman? I don’t think that’s such a great idea.

Eiji: Oh, but her father runs a bakery.

(Ono: Hmm, Eiji could learn much at the skilled hands of another man like myself).

Ono: On second thought, you must go at once! Godspeed!

In the very next scene, Eiji is leaving for France.

Ono: I just hope I can make it through these weeks without Eiji. Chikage, when you get your new place you must invite me over at once!

Chikage: Of course! It will be near the shop, so we can always nip home at lunch break.

With Eiki gone and Chikage moving, the shop seems very empty.

Ono: Man, I could use some HARD GAY right now. Without Eiji around, it’s hard to get motivated to use my hands in the kitchen.

Tachibana: Well, I’m not about to let you sleep with me- but rest assured that we will be main characters together forever!

Although he has sold his house, the Original Kidnapper decides to buy one more cake from Antique. He chooses a large strawberry cake.

(Tachibana: Thank god for that- I felt uneasy with all those strawberries in the shop.)

As the Original Kidnapper walks very slowly away from the bakery, Tachibana has plenty of time to fall into a Flashback Mode about how the kidnapper let him go after the stabbing.

(Tachibana: I feel at peace now- the kidnapper let me go, and he probably didn’t rape me after all! I’ve been fearing HARD GAY for nothing!)

And so, life goes on. Was anything really achieved? Probably not. But for now, this is-

THE END.