Ginga Densetsu Weed parody: episode four

The new dogs introduce themselves.

Jerome: Guess what, it’s the usual “that cliffhanger wasn’t quite what you thought it was” opening to the episode. We aren’t your enemies; in fact, we’re here to explain the situation. Enter Exposition Mode!

Screen dissolves to flashback. Chrono Trigger battle music plays.

Jerome: Anyway, to cut a long story short, that monster dog was an experimental specimen that turned on the humans- and we’re the squad of dogs trained to take it down. You know, the squad that usually gets massacred trying to do its job, leaving it up to the enraged main character to finish off the monster. I’m sure you’ve all seen the movies- or would have if you weren’t wild dogs.

Weed: Great! We’ll go with you and help you finish off the monster.

Jerome: Sorry, kid, you know how it goes- I refuse and run off to do my job, then you follow and either impress or annoy me enough to let you help.

Jerome and his squad run off. Weed and the others follow, only to be brought up short by a large ravine.

Jerome: Okay kid, time to prove your skills as a main character.

Smith: To add extra fuel to the fire, I’ll just mention that this is the cliff dogs had to jump to prove themselves as Ohu soldiers. Your father would have jumped it too.

Spurred on, Weed jumps the cliff using his main character powers. The other dogs follow- even GB, Mel and three-legged Smith.

Jerome: Impressive- I guess I have no choice but to accept you. Okay, kid, see that ugly-looking mound of earth over there? That’s where the monster is hiding, and even though in theory we didn’t know we’d have your help, we need you to go in and lure him out. The rest of the squad will wait at the entrance to bring the monster down, whilst your friends sit over there on ‘standby’ and do nothing.

Weed: All, right, I’ll do it!

Jerome: Oh, and by the way, since you didn’t figure this out last episode; the monster’s skin is too tough to break through, so you’ll have to attack the conspicuous but previously unmentioned skinless area around his left front leg. Expendable character Noss will be going with you.

Noss and Weed go into the mound.

Noss: Now, as long as we’re careful, there’s nothing to worry about.

Noss is promptly attacked and killed by the monster. His body is tossed outside.

Weed: That does it! Now I’m really mad!

Weed starts attacking the monster. Meanwhile, outside-

Smith: I can’t let the main character endanger himself when my picture isn’t even in the opening credits. Time to go and die like a man, er, dog.

Smith reaches the battle just at the critical point where Weed is getting owned.

Smith: Monster, your opponent is me! Fighting spirit on!

Smith starts burning with a DBZ-like aura.

Weed: Smith!

Smith: Listen carefully kid, this is the point where I, as your mentor, sacrifice my life to defeat this monster and save you. I’m proud of you, go find your father, tell him I died well, got all that?

Weed: Thanks, Smith!

Smith attacks the monster and somehow creates the sort of landslide that never, ever kills the bad guy. Weed and the others dig his body out.

GB: Smith, now that you’re dead I’ll add extra weight to your demise by randomly mentioning that you got separated from Sakura whilst trying to save me.

Jerome: GB, since you are in the opening credits you must now become a true warrior. I’m in the credits too so I’ll surely be joining you.

Meanwhile, under the fallen rocks and earth, something is stirring. Will Smith’s sacrifice have turned out to be in vain when the monster emerges from the wreckage practically unscathed? Our preview says- hell yeah!

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