Ginga Densetsu Weed parody: episode sixteen

Our intrepid heroes prepare to leave the ninja dogs’ resort.

Weed: We should leave all these puppies behind- I’m not even sure where we picked them up but they’ll only slow us down.

Teru: Please let us come with you, we’re ready to die for the cause even at our young age…not that you can be much older, Leader.

Weed: Paranoia Agent episode 8 and Mai-Otome aside, dying is easy. Living is the hard part, especially in a series like this where the life expectancy of lesser characters isn’t what you’d call lengthy. Your job is to stay here and avenge our deaths, if necessary.

Teru: Okay, we’ll stick with that plan instead.

Tesshin: Since I haven’t officially joined the party yet, I’d like to take this opportunity to sign up, along with 20 grey ninja dogs.

Play Suikoden “x has joined your party” wav.

Cut to Gajou. Evilz underlings are heading out to find females.

EVILZ brown dog: Come on, we need to find as many females as possible to ‘entertain’ Hougen, if you know what I mean.

EVILZ grey dog: You’ve got to be kidding- the male to female ratio in these mountains is about 400:1!

EVILZ brown dog: That’s why we’re off to raid the human settlements.

Little do they realise that Akame is spying on them. The God Mode dog reports back to Hook and the others.

Akame: As righteous dogs of justice, it is our duty to stop the exploitation of females. Hook, I know you’re just an exposition dog, but I’ll need you on my team. You too, Kurotora.

Mel: What about me? I’m sick of being overlooked because I’m small and of little use.

Akame: Mel, I have a different task for you- you need to go to Weed and tell him that Hougen is on the way to Gajou. Of course, by the time you get there he’ll probably have already found out, but it gives you something to do.

Mel sets off, but as he travels through the mountains, he hears Hougen’s offence force approaching.

Mel: Activate special ability- Snow Tunnelling! Thanks for teaching me that one offscreen, Akame.

Mel hides and watches Hougen’s forces pass by.

Cut to Weed’s party as they approach Hougen HQ. Given that it appears to be pretty much deserted, Weed and Tesshin go in for a closer look. Upon seeing the building where his father is supposedly being held, Weed cannot help but go inside.

Weed: Father! I know it’s only episode 16, but could I possibly be about to meet you at last?

Lector: Sorry, kid, the only ones in here are Thunder and I- remember us?

Weed: Why are you two on the side of evilz? I forgave you so that you could reconsider and find the love in your hearts!

Lector: That sort of thing doesn’t work with minor villains like us.

A brief tag team battle ensues: Lector+Thunder vs. Tesshin+Weed.

Weed: Meat cleaver swipe!

Weed picks up a meat cleaver in his mouth and uses it to defang Thunder.

Hougen’s guard come to investigate the disturbance, but are chased away by the rest of Weed’s forces.

Guard: We’re just minor nameless characters- we’d better run away before we get killed!

Weed’s forces surround Lector and Thunder.

Kyoushiro: This time, you’re just taking the piss- so don’t expect me to let you leave here alive!

Weed: Kyoushiro, no! I must enforce my pure and righteous ways and insist that we let them go again. Lector, Thunder, this time promise that you won’t commit any further acts of evilz.

Lector: Oh, of course not, you can trust us.

Kyoushiro: Weed, this is stupid- of course they’ll betray your trust again.

Jerome: Leave it, Kyoushiro, this is the way it has to be- and besides, I have plans of my own.

Lector and Thunder are released. They move out of sight of the party.

Meanwhile, Hougen arrives at Gajou. Genba greets him.

Genba: Welcome, brother, we’ve got everything you need inside this mound of earth.

Hougen: I hope that includes women- it’s been ages since I’ve had any.

Genba: We’re working on that.

Kamakiri: I may be on the side of evilz, but the thought of Hougen fathering offspring is not one that sits easy with me.

Cut back to Lector and Thunder.

Lector: Can you believe how gullible that Weed is? Let’s go and attack him again the next chance we get.

Jerome appears.

Jerome: I knew something like this would happen; that’s why I’m here to end this.

Lector: Ha, you may have signed up to the side of good but it looks like you’re no better than the two of us.

Jerome: There comes a time in the life of every pragmatic veteran when they must something their leader would disapprove of. Since we still have quite a few episodes to fill, this is my time.

Jerome kills Lector. Weed’s party hears Lector’s dying scream and comes over to investigate. They find Jerome with his teeth around Thunder’s neck.

Weed: Jerome, what are you doing? This isn’t the pure way of the side of the good.

Jerome: Sorry, Weed, but this is a necessary evil.

Jerome kills Thunder.

Weed: Jerome, how could you do such a thing? Get out of my sight- I’m striking your name off the stone tablet…at least for an episode or two.

Jerome: Understood. Farewell.

Jerome departs.

Kyoushiro: Weed, what the hell are you doing? He’s in the OP, and besides, I happen to agree with him.

Weed: Is it so wrong to want to resolve things peacefully? All this time I’ve been fighting for the cause of peace.

Kyoushiro: Fine, if that’s how you feel, I’m leaving too. Come on, brown subordinates.

Kyoushiro and his brown dogs leave and catch up with Jerome.

Kyoushiro: Jerome, we’ve decided to follow you- Weed is too soft a leader to be the hero of the 108 stars.

Jerome: I appreciate the sentiment, but Weed is the main character- his way is the right one. You and I are dogs of violence, but even though Weed’s final battle stats shall be greater than those of us all, he is a dog of peace and kindness. You must go back and maintain your place in the 108 stars, whilst I go on a side-quest to recruit more members, all the while contemplating the meaning of life.

The brown dogs live to fight another day.

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