Through fourteen episodes of suffering, it has come to my attention that .hack//Roots isn’t much good, or, to be brutally honest, it is a tedious pile of crap. In that vein, I have upheld my resolution not to watch any more of the series, however, to ease the pain of those who are, I shall use screencaps from each episode to tell an original, and hopefully much improved, version of the story.
Bereft of the Twilight Brigade, Tabby wonders if Yu-gi-oh would provide a sustainable income.
In the end, Tabby settles on a more lucrative career as a travelling performer, and recruits Wool and Cashmere to her cause.
Meanwhile, Kuhn consults Phyllo on the best way to make his big comeback to the entertainment scene.
Tabby’s group rehearses for their first performance, but something is missing is from their act.
On Phyllo’s advice, Kuhn decides to lend his skills to Tabby’s group.
Kuhn immediately sets a harsh training regime to make sure everyone is on top form for their debut.
Despite his efforts, the first rehearsal is a disaster.
Afflicted with an Ahn mushi, Kuhn wonders if they can possibly be ready in time.
The big day arrives; the general mood is upbeat but tense.
A guest performer is called onstage for the first stunt.
Cashmere and Wool initiate the move.
The act comes off perfectly to great audience acclaim.
Relieved at how well things went off, Kuhn challenges Tabby to a friendly Yu-gi-oh match.
Taihaku decides it is time for some renovations.
“Does my face look big in this?”
Pai wonders if raising the dead could raise her profile.
Phyllo and Tabby catch up with Haseo as he throws up after his latest drug binge.