Utawarerumono parody: episode 1

My name is Hakuoro (or at least, it will be after next episode), and I have a shameful secret. I was driven out of my hometown after an incident involving certain…adult materials, and have since been forced to wear a mask that completely obscures my identity from even my closest friends. Nonetheless, even though I have been forced to flee and start a new life elsewhere, I will continue to work towards my dream- the creation of the ultimate harem…

Hakuoro wakes up in Eruruu’s house.

(Hakuoro: The plan is working perfectly- already I have made contact with a girl!)

Eruruu: Hello, we found you in the forest and since you looked like a main character, we thought it was best to bring you home. Do you remember anything about yourself?

(Hakuoro: I can’t let her know about my sordid past, especially as the police may still be looking for me.)

Hakuoro: I’m afraid it’s all a blur. Do you live with your family?

Eruruu: Our father died, so my little sister and I live with Grandma Tusukuru.

(Hakuoro: This is perfect- just one old woman standing between me and not one, but two lovely young ladies!)

Eruruu takes Hakuoro around the village. They meet up with Teoro and Sopoku.

(Hakuoro: Sopoku would be a worthy addition to my harem, but I must integrate with the villagers for the sake of the long-term plan.)

Later on, Nuwangi arrives in the village, with his hand in his pocket. He approaches Eruruu.


Nuwangi: Eruruu, I’m back from the hospital! The operation was a success- I have a brand new wang! Surely you must want to marry me now.

Hakuoro: Get away from her, she’s mine! Er, I mean, she shouldn’t be forced into anything!

Nuwangi: How dare you stand up to me! I’m just going to ride off now and return later!

Nuwangi goes off to “wangst” in the forest.

Cut to a village meeting.

Tusukuru: Everyone, we are in trouble. Mutikapa, the female King of the Forest, has been angered, perhaps because Nuwangi trashed her shrine.

(Hakuoro: This is perfect! I can use this incident to gain the trust and respect of the villagers.)

Hakuoro: I have been here for less than an episode, but fear not, I will handle this problem.

That night, the Mutikapa attacks and kills a generic nameless child. Can our hero defeat the mighty beast? Find out on the next exciting episode of Utawarerumono!

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