Utawarerumono parody: episode 4

Hakuoro here. I have located a potential third member of my harem- a sick, blind girl known as Yuzuha. Although her health is frail, I am confident that the healing skills of Tusukuru and dear Eruruu will keep her alive for the foreseeable future. Before I can claim her for her own, however, I must convince her brother Oboro to cede control of his harem- perhaps by awakening his latent HARD GAY inclinations…

Sasante and Nuwangi arrive in the village and ask about Oboro. Nuwangi still has his hand in his pocket.

Sasante: You must tell me where Oboro is- I need a strong young man to service me.

Hakuoro: We cannot betray a playable character like Oboro to a mere mid-boss like you!

Sasante: Shut up and cower in fear at my fat fugliness!

Tusukuru: We shall never bow down to someone as hideous as you!

Sasante gets angry; Aruruu tries to defend her grandmother but only provokes retaliation from Sasante’s guards. Tusukuru is injured.

Later, Aruruu and Eruruu tend to their dying grandmother.

(Hakuoro: The old woman has helped my cause, but now at last she shall be out of the way, and Aru and Eru will be securely in my hands.)

Hakuoro: You can die in peace, grandmother, knowing that I will take care of everything.

Once Tusukuru has passed on, Hakuoro goes to see Oboro.

Oboro: Grandma is dead? This is all my fault- how can I make amends?

Hakuoro: There is only one thing you can do- hand over your harem to me.

Oboro: Yes, yes, I’ll do that! You can have Yuzuha, Dorii and Guraa!

Hakuoro: You can keep Dorii and Guraa, I only need females.

Having handed over his harem, Oboro decides to strike at Sasante and Nuwangi. Unfortunately, he gets caught.

Sasante: Good to see you, Oboro. As a man of two swords, you should be able to satisfy me tonight.

Meanwhile, back at the village, Teoro and the others decide to make Hakuoro a village elder.

Teoro: We have barely known you for five minutes, but who better to lead this village than the main character himself?

(Hakuoro: Thanks to the stupidity of these generic villagers, my plan is coming together perfectly.)

Hakuoro: I am honoured to accept this position.

Dorii and Guraa arrive.

Dorii/Guraa: Hakuoro-sama, when we went to our lord’s bedroom for our nightly games, he was missing! He must have been captured on his mission to attack Nuwangi and Sasante- you have to help us rescue him!

(Hakuoro: I suppose having Oboro alive will keep dearest Yuzuha happy, and I don’t like the way Nuwangi looks at my Eru.)

Hakuoro: Oboro is already a dear friend of mine- of course we must rescue him.

Hakuoro leads the villagers on a quest to rescue Oboro. Whilst they fight outside Sasante’s keep, Benawi goes to visit Oboro in the dungeon.

Benawi: Ah, Oboro, I see you’re all ready for some bondage games.

Oboro: Go away, I’m just not in the mood!

Benawi cuts Oboro loose.

Benawi: Earning your respect and love is more important than my job, so I’ll set you free. Please repay my kindness some day.

Benawi’s subordinate, Kurou, arrives.

Benawi: I’m done here, Kurou, let’s leave this place.

Kurou: What about our night together, Captain? You promised!

Benawi: I may have found a new man, Kurou.

Benawi and Kurou leave. Oboro escapes, kills some hapless generic soldiers, and meets up with Hakuoro and Teoro. They make their way to Sasante and Nuwangi.

Hakuoro: Sasante, you are too fat and fugly to live!

Hakuoro kills Sasante. Nuwangi runs away.

After the battle, Hakuoro surveys the damage.

(Hakuoro: Did I do the right thing by starting a war and putting my women in danger? No, I must not have doubts now- this is the only way to expand my harem.)

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