Utawarerumono parody episode 11


Hakuoro here. Through a stroke of good luck, I have not only engaged Urotorii and Kamyu as full-time members of my harem, but have acquired the ultra-strong Karura, a worthy addition both on and off the battlefield. With such women on my side, I know that Tusukuru can stand up to anything, but even so, there are still spaces open in the royal harem…

Urotorii reports to Hakuoro (or rather to Benawi whilst Hakuoro sits on his throne) in the audience room.

Urotorii: Everything is going as planned.

Oboro: What’s going on, ani-ja?

Hakuoro: Although you were too unimportant to inform of this earlier, I have decided to forge alliances with the nearby countries so that they can act as cannon fodder against Niwe’s forces.

Kurou: I guess things will be boring for about two minutes, then.

Oboro: What are you saying? This gives us more time for HARD GAY!

Later, Hakuoro and the generic leaders gather together to formalise their alliance when Teoro disrupts the meeting.

Teoro: An-chan, the enemy is attacking already! They’ve managed to reach the castle with barely anyone noticing.

(Hakuoro: Hmm, perhaps it was a little tactically unsound to bring all my forces here and leave the rest of the country unattended.)

Hakuoro: Eruruu, your stats are too low to participate in this battle- go and make sure Aruruu and Yuzuha are safe. Oyaji-san, are you coming?

Teoro: I’m sorry, but I’m no longer playable.

Everyone else rushes outside. The named characters place themselves behind the front lines.

(Hakuoro: Let the generics fight and die first- that’s what I recruited them for.)

Whilst the battle proceeds, Teoro is resting against a pillar when he suddenly starts bleeding.

Teoro: Oh no, I looked perfectly fine a moment ago but now I’m suddenly bleeding to death. I think I’ll just talk to myself until I randomly expire.

Teoro sees a vision of his loved ones (or rather, the four named characters from his village) leading him to the afterlife.

Teoro: Farewell, cruel world, I am dying, dying!

Outside, the battle is over, but the last surviving enemy soldier suddenly rises up.

Soldier: I saved just enough energy to say this- it’s not over yet! Our mini-arc is just beginning!

Later, everyone is assembled around Teoro’s body.

(Hakuoro: Does anyone really care that Teoro is dead? I suppose I had pretend to in case the girls think I am heartless and cold.)

Hakuoro: Why didn’t he tell us that he was about to bleed to death?

Urotorii: It wasn’t your fault, none of us noticed his life-threatening wounds.

Kurou enters.

Kurou: Oh, by the way, all of Yamayura village was destroyed.

(Hakuoro: That village had served its purpose, and so I cannot bring myself to care, but it is a shame that I could not claim Sopoku.)

Aruruu is so upset over Teoro’s death that she has to be rendered unconscious using some special medicine.

(Hakuoro: I must procure some of this medicine for myself. It could come in handy when subduing reluctant partners.)

Later, Hakuoro confers with Benawi, Oboro and Kurou and learns that the attack force may have come from Kuccha Keccha.

(Hakuoro: Thank god I have Benawi to handle all that tedious geopolitical stuff.)

That evening, Karura offers to share a drink with Hakuoro.

(Hakuoro: Excellent, I shall build up my relationship points with Karura.)

Hakuoro: Why did those generics randomly show up and let themselves get slaughtered today?

Karura: Perhaps it has something to do with your past.

(Hakuoro: I thought I had paid off everyone involved in that case by now, not to mention hiring someone to destroy all the incriminating photos.)

Hakuoro: Oh, I, I can’t remember anything about what happened before episode one.

The next day, a generic arrives to report that Kuccha Keccha attacked his party.

Hakuoro: It is clear that their stats are too high for mere generics to deal with- Benawi, we must move out.

(Benawi: *sigh*, I suppose he wants me to make all the preparations.)

Benawi: I’ll make all the preparations, sir.

Hakuoro: Excellent. Be sure to mobilise the entire army, thus leaving the castle undefended.

The army moves out.

Aruruu: Daddy, you’re scary.

(Hakuoro: Oh no, am I losing relationship points with Aruruu?)

Before Hakuoro can contemplate this further, Mukkuru senses something, and the army comes to a halt. Some generics slide around to give the illusion of movement.

Benawi: I hadn’t noticed anything before, but now we’re surrounded!

The Kuccha Keccha forces appear, and generics from both sides slash half-heartedly at each other. Both sides seem evenly matched until Touka appears and slashes through Hakuoro’s generics.

Touka: I am Touka- a character important enough to declare her own name right from the start! Rak Shine, I must kill you.

Hakuoro: Are you talking to me? I thought Rak Shine was a brand of oven cleaner.

Touka tries to attack Hakuoro, but Karura blocks her.

(Hakuoro: Excellent, this is just what I acquired Karura for.)

The Kuccha Keccha leader, Orikakan, appears on the battlefield.

Orikakan: Touka, stop stealing the spotlight- I am the mid boss character here! Rak Shine, for the crimes you committed in past, I will kill you!

Can our hero evade this new evil? And does Orikakan really know about his past? Find out next time.

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