Utawarerumono parody episode 13


Hakuoro here. Thanks to the winning combination of a strong harem and my tactical expertise, the forces of Kuccha Keccha have suffered their first blow. Whilst I continue to concentrate my efforts on adding Touka to my harem, however, I have to admit that I have begun to feel worried- what if Orikakan’s accusations about my past really are related to those unfortunate incidents that led me to don this mask in the first place?

Touka returns to Orikakan’s camp.

Orikakan: You made it back from that ravine, Touka-dono.

Touka: I’m a playable character- such a little tumble couldn’t even scratch me.

Meanwhile, Hakuoro works on his harem scrolls whilst Benawi reports on the state of the Kuccha Keccha conflict.

(Benawi: I wish he’d look up from his harem scrolls and listen to important information about his own country.)

(Hakuoro: I wish he’d handle the war by himself and let me get on with writing down Karura’s measurements.)

Benawi leaves. A short while later, Eruruu brings some sake to Hakuoro; Karura spots her.

Karura: Ah, are you bringing that to me so that we share a night of HARD YURI?

Eruruu: I’m sorry, Karura, but I can only bring drinks to Hakuoro-san. Unless…you’d like to join us as a threesome?

Karura: Hmm, I think I’ll give it a miss. Have a good night.

Eruruu takes the drink into Hakuoro’s room. He pours himself a generous helping.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san, I think it’s time to go to bed, if you know what I mean.

Hakuoro: Not yet, I must drink some more to get myself in the mood.

(Hakuoro: Eruruu is being very forward tonight- the time is ripe to reel her in with some angst.)

Hakuoro pretends to be worried about his lost memories; Eruruu comforts him.

(Hakuoro: Works every time.)

The next morning, the HARD GAY division cannot find either Eruruu or Hakuoro. Karura and Urotorii share knowing glances.

Karura: Even though we trained her in HARD YURI, it seems she still has other desires.

Outside, Aruruu is riding Mukkuru whilst Hakuoro and Eruruu watch.

(Hakuoro: Since that damned tiger is here, I must make do with only Eruruu.)

(Eruruu: Whilst Mukkuru distracts Aruruu, I can have Hakuoro to myself.)

Finally, Hakuoro spots an opening to join Aruruu and Mukkuru.

(Hakuoro: I never considered actually sampling the tiger myself, but I tire of Eruruu now.)

Poor Eruruu is left to watch as Hakuoro, Aruruu and Mukkuru enjoy themselves.

It is not long before the Kuccha Keccha forces resume their attack. The named warriors are called to fight.

Benawi: Each of us, even Kurou, is worth many generics! We must fight on the front lines!

Hakuoro: Mukkuru, you have high defence- guard the front gate.

At the castle, Kamyu wants to sneak off and join the battle- Urotorii and Munto do not approve.

Kamyu: But sister, we were playable in the game! Why can’t we fight now?

Urotorii: Kamyu, there are only a limited amount of characters that can be used per battle, and we weren’t chosen.

Meanwhile, on the battle, the two sides stand staring at each other.

Benawi: Our advance guards have not returned.

(Hakuoro: Never mind, they were only generics.)

Hakuoro: Okay, everyone, battle start!

The Woptar-mounted forces charge towards each other. Generics begin slashing half-heartedly at their opponents. Touka and Orikakan head straight for the named characters.

Touka: Generics are unimportant! This battle will be decided by main characters!

Touka heads for Dorii and Guraa, but Kurou blocks her.

Kurou: If you want some ‘swordplay’ with my HARD GAY buddies, you’ll have to get through me first!

Touka: Don’t make me laugh- you’re only one step above a generic!

Kurou: Perhaps, but I’m Woptar-mounted by default, which gives me the edge over someone who usually fights on foot!

Meanwhile, Hakuoro stands back and watches the battle. Orikakan charges at him.

Orikakan: Stop standing back there just to protect your HP!

Touka: Orikakan-dono, be careful! You know your own HP isn’t that high either!

Touka tries to chase after Orikakan and Hakuoro, but Benawi, Oboro, Kurou and Karura surround her.

Benawi: No matter how much your stats have been pumped for the anime, you can’t get past all of us.

Hakuoro and Orikakan are magically teleported to a green field for a few rounds of battle, before reaching the bottom of a rocky cliff.

Orikakan: So you want Touka for your harem, do you, Rak Shine? Well, I’m not giving her up so easily!

Hakuoro: We can talk about that later. I actually lured you here for a little private chat- I need to find out how much you really know about my past crimes.

Orikakan: Rak Shine!

Orikakan attacks, but ends up at Hakuoro’s mercy.

Hakuoro: I may have moderate stats, but a mid-boss like you is still easy. Now, let’s end our little talk.

Orikakan begins laughing.

Orikakan: It was all your fault, you know. I had a great career back in Rivendell, hanging out with Legolas and the other elves, but then you came along with your alcohol and drugs, and now look at me! My looks are gone, my career is shot, and it’s all thanks to you!

Hakuoro: No, you don’t understand, that wasn’t me! I’m just a child molester on the run from the law!

Orikakan: What are you going to say next? That it was some other guy in a mask that ruined me?

Hakuoro briefly takes on another a form.

Hakuoro: Why would I bother with a petty two-shot character like you? You’re note even my type!

Orikakan: You…you really are the molester…

Orikakan backs away, only to be shot through the neck with an arrow. Hakuoro looks up to see Niwe.

Niwe: Gwakakakakaka! I went to all this trouble to provoke your anger, for I long to be HARD GAY with a passionate, hot-blooded man like yourself!

Touka arrives just as Niwe finishes his speech and rides away.

(Touka: I guess this is it- time to give in and join Hakuoro’s harem.)

Niwe rides away with a winged man, Dii.

Niwe: What do you think, Dii? He certainly looks worthy of sharing in our HARD GAY nights.


(Dii: It just isn’t fair. Why do I have so little dialogue?)

Whilst Hakuoro rides back home to check up on the harem, Niwe mobilises his army.

Niwe: Gwakakakakaka! Gwakakakakaka! Gwakakakakaka!

(Niwe: Gwakakakakaka! Gwakakakakaka! Gwakakakakaka!)

Can Hakuoro and his harem hope to stand against Niwe and the painful grating of his annoying laugh? Find out next time.

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1 Response to Utawarerumono parody episode 13

  1. Eruruu says:

    *Blushes* Hakuoro-san

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