Utawarerumono parody episode 14


Hakuoro here. After ascertaining that the crimes of “Rak Shine” did not match with mine, I was about to conclude my dealings with Orikakan when Emperor Niwe put an arrow through his neck. It is clear that I must confront Niwe and erase his annoying laugh from the face of the planet, but first, I must formally induct Touka into my harem…

Touka is brought before Hakuoro.

Touka: I am ready to accept whatever judgement you have decided upon.

Hakuoro: I would like you to join my harem. As a gesture of good faith, please take your sword.

(Hakuoro: I will give you my ‘sword’ later.)

Touka takes the sword.

Touka: If that is your decision, I would rather die!

Touka tries to slit her throat, but Hakuoro stops her.

(Hakuoro: I thought this would be an easy conquest, but perhaps I was mistaken.)

Hakuoro: There’s no need to go that far. We can take things slowly, if you’d like. In fact, here’s a gift to get things rolling- Orikakan’s body.

Touka seems impressed by the gift, but before matters can progress, a soldier reports in.

Soldier: Shikeripetim are attacking.

(Hakuoro: Damn, and just as I was getting somewhere with Touka.)

Hakuoro: Okay then, let’s move out- HARD GAY division, you go first.

The Shikeripetim forces proceed through a ravine, only to be confronted by Oboro. They are about to attack when Dorii and Guraa’s archer divisions attacks. Oboro follows up with a sword strike that kills one generic.

Guraa: Be careful, young master, you don’t want to damage your ‘sword’!

Shikeripetim soldier: Named characters are attacking! We’d better run away!

Elsewhere, Karura and Kurou are fighting off other Shikeripetim divisions.

(Karura: The strange animation style in this episode is making me look even drunker than I actually am.)

At Niwe’s palace, Niwe watches his prisoners fight before conferring with Dii.

Niwe: None of the men brought here look like they can satisfy me- I think we must concentrate all our efforts on Hakuoro if we want some decent HARD GAY.


(Dii: I want to speak! Why do I have no lines!?)

(Niwe: Gwakakaka!!! Gwakakakakaka!!!)

At Hakuoro’s castle, the named characters debate over what to do.

Hakuoro: Shikeripetim is many times larger and more powerful than us, so we cannot decide this on generics alone. The only way to handle this war is through cutscenes and named character battles.

That night, Hakuoro is agonising over the future when Eruruu comes to visit him.

Hakuoro: Eruruu, is what I am doing right? Why can’t I be happy with the harem I have instead of always wanting to expand?

(Eruruu: He doesn’t even bother to consider my feelings anymore, I am just part of the furniture.)

Eruruu: I will always be by your side, Hakuoro-san.

Starting the next day, the named characters begin using slightly complex tactics to defeat the numerous Shikeripetim generics. One such strategy involves luring a woptar unit into a bog and then firing arrows at them. Ten to twenty arrows are fired…

Dorii: Magical Arrow Multiplication Mode!

Hundreds of arrows rain down on the enemy.

Meanwhile, Niwe goes down to check his well-stocked dungeon. He meets up with Dii.

Niwe: Dii, I see you’ve collected many men here for your researches, but remember, it is quality that counts, not quantity. I don’t need one hundred weak men to warm my bed, I just need one strong one.


The next day, Niwe instructs his forces to march.

Niwe: Since I am evil, I must instruct you to kill and burn everything you see!

The Shikeripetim forces move out. Back at Hakuoro’s castle, he holds another meeting.

Hakuoro: The time has finally come- we must pit our generics against theirs in a pointless battle, whilst the strongest named characters come with me to fight Niwe.

(Hakuoro: I don’t like risking any member of my harem, but Karura has a high strength stat and Eruruu is needed for healing.)

The named characters head into battle and begin slaughtering enemy generics. At one point, Guraa is injured, but Oboro steps in to defend him.

Oboro: In the name of the HARD GAY brotherhood, I will protect you!

In short order, Touka also joins the battle.

(Hakuoro: Could this mean she wants to become a full time member of the harem?)

Touka: Hakuoro-sama, I was not ready to join you earlier, but now I have officially severed my ties with Orikakan-dono. I request permission to join your harem.

Hakuoro: Permission granted.

As Touka dispatches the last of the enemy, Eruruu’s attention is diverted by the sound of a child crying in a burning house. She runs inside.

(Hakuoro: No, Eruruu, you must not risk yourself! Who will bring me tea if you are hurt?)

Inside the house, the child’s mother is trapped under a beam. Eruruu is trying to free her.

(Hakuoro: This nameless woman does not seem harem worthy, but I must look kindly in front of Eruruu.)

Unfortunately, the burning house is about to collapse.

(Hakuoro: On second thought, my safety should always come first. I’ll just save this child to keep my approval rating high.)

Hakuoro whisks Eruruu and the child out of the house just as it is consumed by fire.

After the battle, Hakuoro plans his strategy.

Hakuoro: HARD GAY division, I want you to handle the main battle- Karura, Touka and I will head straight for Niwe.

(Hakuoro: The situation isn’t ideal, but I need to spend some quality time with my newest harem members.)

The next day, the army heads out. Can Hakuoro and his harem defeat Niwe, or is our hero doomed to become the Shikeripetim emperor’s HARD GAY love slave? Find out next time.

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