Utawarerumono parody episode 25


Hakuoro here. Although I have finally managed to add Kuuya to my harem, it is a bittersweet victory. No matter how successful I am with my harem, the demands of my monstrous HARD GAY side refuse to disappear, and I worry that it will soon jeopardise everything that I have worked for…

Urotorii and Hakuoro are talking.

Hakuoro: If we’re to combat Mutsumi, I need to know about HARD YURI.

Urotorii: Hakuoro-sama, leave HARD YURI matters to me. The important thing is that we get Kamyu back. Mutsumi should be conveniently waiting for us in Onkamiyakumai- all we need to do is go to her and fight a boss battle.

The nest day, Benawi and Oboro have a duel in the HARD GAY training area. Dorii, Guraa and Kurou watch.

Benawi: You are getting better, but you are not a worthy match for my skills yet.

Hakuoro comes over to have a private talk with Oboro.

Hakuoro: Oboro, if something happens to me, I want you to lead everyone.

(Hakuoro: Benawi is more suited to the role, but he would make me look bad if he was openly in charge.)

Later, Hakuoro goes to see Kuuya, whose mind has reverted to a mental age of about eighteen months.

(Hakuoro: This is an empty victory indeed- I would rather have the mind of a woman in the body of a child than the other way around.)

(Sakuya: Kuuya only remembers Hakuoro now- she will never want to be HARD YURI with me again.)

That night, Oboro sits by Yuzuha’s bedside and considers Hakuoro’s words.

(Oboro: Although there are many better suited to the job, he wants me to lead everyone! I’ve almost come to terms with being HARD GAY, but this reopens the chance of my taking over the harem. Perhaps I should turn BI and get the best of both worlds.)

Meanwhile, Aruruu and Eruruu come to see Hakuoro.

Eruruu: Hakuoro-san, you can’t possibly fight this battle alone. Let us come with you- I can heal, and Aruruu has high defence.

(Hakuoro: As always, I hate putting the harem in danger, but they have a point. My stats are low.)

The next morning, Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu ride out. They are joined by all the other available playable characters.

Touka: Hakuoro-dono, we have not levelled up our stats to be left behind now.

The party reaches Onkamiyamukai with surprisingly little difficulty. Urotorii leads them to an underground room.

Urotorii: This is a previously unmentioned area which I just happen to know how to open. Let’s go inside.

Urotorii opens the way, and a room filled with slimes is revealed. Mutsumi emerges from behind the slimes.

Mutsumi: I’ll just hover up here whilst you fight those monsters.

Kurou: Slimes? Aren’t they usually the sort of monster you fight at the beginning of the game?

Hakuoro: We don’t have time for the usual procedure. I’m going ahead.

Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu run past the slimes and reach a door.

Hakuoro: What do we do now?

The ring plaited into Eruruu’s hair starts glowing, and the door opens.

Eruruu: So, my hair ring was actually a plot device!

(Hakuoro: What’s happening? I think I’m entering Flashback Mode!)

We return to the past era of Iceman and Mizushima.

Mizushima: Iceman, they are planning to freeze you again. If you want to ensure the start of the furry world you desire, you and Mikoto must escape to the surface with the other furries our lab has created.

Iceman and Mikoto go out to the surface, but in the lab, other furries (Mutsumi included) await.

Back in the present, Hakuoro, Eruruu and Aruruu enter Mutsumi’s boss room. Eruruu and Aruruu are swiftly knocked out of the combat zone, leaving Hakuoro to dodge Mutsumi’s energy blasts.

Mutsumi: I will not let you interfere with my vision of a HARD YURI world!

Hakuoro: I don’t want to fight you- I might lose!

As Mutsumi prepares to fire a finishing blast, Aruruu shields Hakuoro.

Hakuoro: Kamyu, remember your place in my harem! You should be by my side along with the others!

Mutsumi is clearly conflicted, but even as she struggles, Dii arrives.

Dii: Mutsumi, you must not waver in the face of harem. Our HARD GAY vision must come to pass.

Hakuoro: Never- harem is the true path!

Dii: Harem? Where you bind underage girls and force them to your will? Is that really the best future for the world?

Eruruu: Stop! I may be a member of Hakuoro’s harem, but I am free to indulge in HARD YURI as well! Both sides can coexist.

Dii: Oh, well that’s different, then. All I really wanted was to sleep with you, Hakuoro, but we’re running out of time so I guess I’ve lost. Go and enjoy your harem.

(Hakuoro: HARD GAY? With Dii? I have to admit, I am intrigued.)

Hakuoro: Since instant changes of heart are all the rage these days, then I’m afraid I’ve changed my mind. Eruruu, I am going to release you from the harem whilst I see my HARD GAY impulses through to their natural conclusion.

Eruruu: Hakuoro, wait!

(Eruruu: All my hard work, all that tea I made- he’s rendered it all pointless!)

Hakuoro transforms into his monster form.

Monster Hakuoro: Do you think that even you can satisfy this form, Dii?

Dii: You fool- you know that I am the most HARD GAY man in this entire series!

Dii transforms into his own monstrous form.

Monster Dii: Let the HARD GAY commence!

Meanwhile, back in the first room, everyone else is still battling the slimes.

Kurou: Why do I feel that the plot has been moving forward without us?

As the room begins to collapse, they all run outside. They watch as the two HARD GAY monsters smash their way out through the roof.

Touka: You mean after all that, Hakuoro-dono was really HARD GAY?

How will the HARD GAY showdown end- and what will the harem think now that they know Hakuoro’s true inclinations? Find out next time, in the exciting conclusion! (I can’t guarantee that it will actually be exciting.)

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