Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 4

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Orleans and Saint-Germain watch as Callon is whipped.

Orleans: Since I am evil, I must punish my underlings accordingly.

Saint-Germain: Unfortunately, we don’t seem to have any other named underlings so we’ll have to send him out again. Callon, I will now raise your stats to level two.

Callon is levelled up.

Meanwhile, the King and Duke Broglie talk to d’Eon and the others.

Louis: D’Eon, I can’t say that everything you have done so far has been for the best, but since you are the main character, I’ll let it slide.

Broglie: D’Eon, your sister was most likely killed by the evil Russians. Now take up your destined role as main character and become a member of the special HARD GAY organisation- the King’s Secret.

D’Eon accepts his destiny.

Louis: Well then, I’ll just go and take a nap off screen until the story needs me again.

Later, the Four Musketeers talk about recent events.

Durand: So you see, I wasn’t evil at all- I was just testing you to see if you were HARD GAY enough to join the secret organisation.

D’Eon: I see. Well, there is no turning back now.

Durand: I think the first order of business should be to capture the evil Russian.

Robin: First, though, we should all visit Queen Marie- she always has important plot-related information to impart.

At Versailles, Madame de Pompadour is lecturing to her underlings when Marie’s entourage arrives.

Marie: Pompadour, you may be the King’s mistress, but never forget that I am still the Queen. Don’t cut into my screen time.

Meanwhile, the Four Musketeers wait for Marie.

Durand: I think I’ll give this a miss and start looking for the evil Russian. I’m not really comfortable around women.

Robin: Durand, why do you always have to mess up the plot like this? Besides, if you now, I won’t warm your bed tonight.

Durand: Oh, very well then- I’ll stay.

Marie arrives and takes d’Eon, Durand and Teillagory to her room.

Marie: D’Eon, I can see that you are not quite ready to fully embrace your new ability to turn into a woman.

D’Eon: I have long desired to become a woman, but I did not realise it would involve such passion and fury that I can barely remember what happens in that form.

Marie: I’m afraid this is a natural consequence of your suppression of your hidden desires. If you don’t let them out, the situation will only get worse.

That evening, the Four Musketeers spy on Voronzoff, the evil Russian. Durand and Teillagory follow him to a bar.

Teillagory: I knew you were interested in me, but to take me out on a date already is quite forward.

Durand: I’m sorry, Teillagory, but for our mission to succeed we must not openly talk of HARD GAY. Let’s pretend we’re interested in the barmaids instead.

Outside, Robin and d’Eon watch as Durand and Teillagory drink.

Robin: I’m impressed at how easily they are able to feign an interest in women…d’Eon, are you listening?

D’Eon: I’m sorry, but I must angst, for I cannot control Lia’s violent passions. What if becoming a woman wasn’t the right thing to do after all?

Robin: It may seem hard to control now, but with practice, you will become a skilled master of both genders. You should consider yourself lucky to have this opportunity.

Voronzoff and his women leave the bar. The Four Musketeers follow a short way behind.

(D’Eon: I’m sure he’s too evil and Russian to notice that we are conspicuously following him.)

The group splits up. Durand and Teillagory watch Voronzoff and the women get into a carriage.

Durand: The plot says we shouldn’t take him in just yet. Let’s just randomly run through the streets until we find his carriage again.

Meanwhile, d’Eon comes face to face with Callon.

Callon: I am back for round two of our boss battle! Now I will draw my sword and slowly walk towards you whilst reciting poetry!

D’Eon: No, your poetry burns my ears and makes me want to let Lia out!

D’Eon struggles to stop Lia from emerging as Callon backs him into a corner. Durand and Teillagory find Voronzoff’s carriage, but only the women remain. They have been transformed into HARD YURI Gargoyles.

Durand: There isn’t time for a fight right now, so I’ll just quickly grab your necklaces.

Robin catches up with Voronzoff and aims his pistol at the evil Russian.

Robin: Stop!

Voronzoff keeps on running. Robin fails to shoot him, and waits long enough for him to get away before chasing after him.

(Robin: Why am I so useless? Is there something I’m not doing right?)

D’Eon is faring badly against Callon.

Callon: Is this the best you can do? You don’t deserve to be a main character!

D’Eon: Semi-female Lipstick Mode!

Lia exerts some control over d’Eon’s body and slices Callon’s hand off just before he can deliver a killing blow.

Callon: Aagh! Why do I continually have to suffer such pain and humiliation?

Lia stabs Callon in the shoulder.

Callon: I may be running out of HP, but I am only a minor boss! You will have to face many more enemies after me!

Callon dies.

The next day, Orleans, Saint-Germain and Voronzoff hold a meeting.

Voronzoff: Well, Callon is dead, and since I don’t want to be the next underling of evil to get killed, I should go back to mother Russia.

Orleans: That wasn’t what we agreed upon! If I don’t have any underlings, I might be endangered myself!

Saint-Germain: Don’t worry, sir- when have you ever seen generic villains such as ourselves fall to the heroes?

Saint-Germain and Voronzoff leave Orleans to have a temper tantrum on his own.

Saint-Germain: He just doesn’t realise that he is only a minor boss himself.

To be continued…

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4 Responses to Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 4

  1. rdrake says:

    Hahaha…choke…
    How did you get this, or did you do it yourself?
    *Goes off to find a safer place to laugh head off.*

  2. Karura says:

    I have a team of worker monkeys churning out blog posts for me day and night 😉

    Actually I write all these myself whilst rewatching the episode, so it’s the same scenes that are in the episode (minus a few) but with ‘retooled’ dialogue and some insights into what the characters are really thinking.

  3. Sonicbug says:

    These are hilarious. There aren’t very many people out there even blogging about this show, and you outdo them all.

  4. necromancer says:

    I agree with Sonicbug. Who wants to read a blog post recapping an ep of something you probably watched about what actually happened?

Comments are closed.