Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 2


Thor awakens in an unfamiliar room.

(Thor: If last episode was the opening cutscene, then this must be the first part of the RPG.)

The girl who saved him last episode, Tiz, enters.

Thor: Wow, a girl…since I spent most of my time with brother, I haven’t seen many females.

Tiz: I’m Tiz, Sun Ring’s Second and also your second party member. Right now we’re in Ochre Ring, though.

Thor: What about Rai?

Tiz: Oh, he wasn’t playable, so he’s dead.

(Thor: I want to believe her, but I have to see for myself.)

Thor: How can you say that without even checking for a corpse? Don’t you even know how many times anime characters who were supposed to be dead somehow come back to life? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have no idea where I am, so I’m just going to randomly wander around.

Thor wanders around the building until he reaches a hall that faces outside. He is approached by a man, Third. Tiz also arrives.

Tiz: Third, I hope you’re not doing anything to him- he is my husband, after all.

Thor: Husband? I get the feeling I missed a scene or two.

Third: Actually, it was decided whilst you were asleep. You see, women are in short supply on Chimera, so they take their pick of the men and the rest are left to be HARD GAY.

Tiz: It also keeps you safe from the Ochre Ring generics- isn’t that convenient?

Thor: I won’t go along with this! I’m the main character, so I should make all the important decisions of the series!

Third: Hmm, I bet you’re just upset because you wanted to be HARD GAY.

Thor: Shut up! Now I’m going to randomly run off again!

Thor wanders around again until he reaches an area filled with generics.

(Thor: Maybe I should stop running off when I don’t have a clue where to go; now I’m stuck here with these generics who have nothing better to do than sit around all day waiting for a main character to pas by.)

Generic: I’m so hungry…why do only named characters get to eat?

Some other generics approach.

Generic 2: What’s this- a little boy? Fancy some HARD GAY with me?

Thor: Get away from me- I’m the main character.

Generic 3: Everyone, start running, it’s a Try.

(Thor: Try? Are they playing rugby? Oh well, might as well go along and see what’s happening- it could be important to the plot.)

Thor meets up with Tiz at an arena where a generic is challenging Ochre Ring’s Top.

Tiz: This is a foreshadowing event in which a generic attempts to become leader of the Ring by defeating the existing Top. Naturally, he’ll fail, but it’ll show you how strong Top is in preparation for the day that you duel him.

The match begins, and the generic begins flailing wildly.

Top: You fool, you’re too generic to defeat me!

After a few clashes, Top throws his sword away.

Generic: Damn you! Now I’m going to run towards whilst grunting, giving you plenty of time to evade!

As the generic does so, Top vaults over him, grabs his head and smashes into the floor. The other generics cheer.

After the match, generics crowd around Top.

Generic: You’ll soon become Jyu-oh, Top.

Top: Hmm, I wish I could, but I’m not even in the OP.

Third brings Thor and Tiz to see Top.

Top: So, you’re the guy who beat Second. I have to admit you’re a lot better looking than he is.

Top smiles.

(Thor: What’s up with this guy- does he want HARD GAY?)

Top slaps Thor.

Top: That being said, Second was my HARD GAY lover, and you killed him. Since you’re a named character, I’ll let you stay here, but you don’t have the stamina to share my bed.

(Thor: Thank god for that.)

Third carries Thor back to his room.

Third: You might be the main character, but you really need to level up.

Third leaves to get some food.

Tiz: It’s good that you can stay here; we can be husband and wife together.

Thor: I told you that I haven’t agreed to that yet.

Tiz: Men can’t just refuse offers of marriage- do you want to be HARD GAY with those generics?

A Sun Ring girl, Rika, enters.

Rika: Tiz, what are you doing here? Chen is getting pretty annoyed.

Tiz: I’m sorry, Rika, but I’ve decided to abandon my Ring in favour of this guy I barely know.

Tiz leaves, whilst Thor enters Flashback Mode, to a time when he and Rai were about 9 years old.

Rai: Did you hear the marriage age has lowered again? In another five years or so, we might have wives.

Thor: I don’t think I’m ready for girls yet

Rai: Me neither, I’d rather just be HARD GAY with you, brother. Speaking of which, could you go and dump that girl over there for me?

Thor: Of course.

(Thor: How could that useless brother of mine have girls interested in him?)

Thor goes over to the girl.

Thor: I’m sorry, nameless girl, but I’m HARD GAY.

Back in the present…

(Thor: Ah, those were the good old days- well, except for the fact that I was stuck on a boring futuristic world with only my brother as company.)

Somehow, Thor is able to get outside, where he starts wandering away. Tiz catches up with him.

Tiz: Thor, you have to stop randomly wandering off! You can’t count on the plot to always protect you.

Thor: Shut up. I’m going to Dagger Pagoda to find a way off this planet.

Tiz: That’s a final boss location- you can’t go there in episode two.

Thor: If you won’t get out of my way, I’ll just jump into this swamp.

Thor jumps into the swamp and starts sinking.

(Thor: Each and every one of my actions is well thought and logical- I actually intended to get sucked down into this swamp.)

The ground starts bubbling and a giant plant emerges, throwing Thor and Tiz in the air.

Thor: Equip Beam Knife!

Thor drives the beam knife into the plant to slow his descent, whilst somehow being able to catch Tiz and hang onto her as well. Unfortunately, his wound reopens.

Tiz: Thor, you’re losing HP! Just let go of me- I’m a named character so I’ll probably survive anyway!

Thor: Just because I let my brother die doesn’t mean I’m going to make a habit of it!

Third appears on some kind of hover-sled to pick up Thor and Tiz.

Third: Deus ex machina on! Third to the rescue.

Thor is taken back to his room for the third time.

Third: Thor, you’d save us all a lot of time and effort if you’d just stay put.

Tiz: Thor, why did you save me?

Thor: Didn’t you say you were a playable character? I might need you later on.

Tiz rips off her necklace.

Tiz: In that case, I’ll give up my high ranking position in Sun Ring and just follow you around for the rest of the series!

To be continued…

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