Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 5

Thor confronts Third and punches him in the face.

Third: How could you do that to my beautiful face? There’ll be a bruise there now.

Thor: I didn’t want a Try! I haven’t levelled up enough to face Top yet!

Third: Levelling up is overrated. If you can’t do it now, you’ll ruin the whole plot.

Thor: If it’s so important to the plot, why don’t you fight Top?

Third: I told you; I can’t be anything other than a Third. Anyway, I didn’t just create this situation to be a manipulative bastard; I believe that your main character powers will be vital in the struggle to become Jyu Oh.

Tiz: I agree- only Thor can do it.

Rada: But what about the match? Top is at a much higher level than Thor.

Third: That’s where cheating comes in- or as I prefer to call it, ‘evening the odds’.

Third takes Thor to look around the arena he will be fighting in.

Third: Remember, we don’t want the fight to end too quickly, or the episode will run short. Just run around for a bit and let Third get the upper hand, then lure him to this conveniently placed blind spot in preparation for a cut scene that will turn the match around.

Later, Thor and Tiz go outside.

Thor: No matter what Third says, I can’t help but worry. I’ve hardly had any time to level up.

Tiz: Thor, what happened to all that main character arrogance? Top is actually the weakest of the ‘Big Four’, so you have a marginally higher chance of beating him than any of the others- especially as you studied martial arts in PE.

Leaves start falling from the Musa plants.

Tiz: This is Leaf Fall. Soon it will be time for the mating season, then Chimera’s long night of darkness and evil will begin.

The long-awaited Try finally begins. Thor and Top enter the arena.


Top: I’m not going to kill you quickly, boy; instead, I shall delay and talk a lot in order to give you a chance to make a comeback- not that that ever happens when the hero faces a minor villain.

Whilst Top and Thor stand still and wait for the ATBs to fill, Third dons a trench coat and watches from a hidden storeroom.

Third: Ah, deus ex machina, my favourite role.

Third starts assembling a sniper rifle.


(Third: With this coat and rifle, my looks are only enhanced.)

Finally, the actual fight begins.

Top: Running Charge! Rraaargh!

Thor: Swift Evasion!

Top: Second Charge! I’m coming towards you, so just stand still and let me cut you down!

Top keeps swinging his sword at Thor, who continues to dodge.

Top: Damn, your Evasion stat is pretty high.

(Thor: My stamina won’t hold, and a single hit from him could wipe out my HP, but I have to keep going until his anger bar is maxed out.)

Top: Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! I won’t be just a minor supporting character!


Thor keeps dodging until Top’s anger bar is at maximum, before switching to Attack Mode.

Top: Sword Swing #501!

Thor: Ankle attack!

Thor directs a kick towards Top’s ankle and knocks him over.

Thor: Equip Beam Knife!

Thor activates his beam knife, and starts to think about getting to the blind spot. Top: Back attack!

Top slices open Thor’s right shoulder.

(Top: Since he is the main character, I suppose I had better not target any vital areas.)

Top: Did you think I was the sort of villain who would just stand motionlessly whilst you made your plans? I’m not that stupid!

(Thor: Damn, I underestimated him.)

Thor falls to the ground.

Tiz: Thor, get up! Severe blood loss is nothing to a main character!

(Thor: She’s right.)

Thor struggles to his feet and starts staggering towards the blind spot.

Top: I could easily finish you off now, but instead I’ll stand here and laugh maniacally! Hahahahaha!

Thor makes it to the blind spot and collapse. Top finally advances on him.

(Thor: Third, where are you? I thought you were going to help me cheat!)

Just as Thor loses hope, Third fires a bullet that distracts Top.

(Third: I should leave actually killing Top up to the main character.)

Realising his chance, Thor suddenly dispels the effects of his injury and stabs Top with his beam knife. The crowd cheer as Top falls, for he was less important than the main character.

Unfortunately, the match has taken its toll on Thor, who collapses from blood loss. He is taken to his bedroom.

Rada: His blood loss was severe; I don’t even know if he can survive the night.

Tiz: Of course he’ll survive! To a main character, this is nothing more than a light scratch!

Rada: I’m sorry, but his pulse is gone.

Third: He needs CPR; let me do it!

Tiz: He my husband, so I should do it.

(Third: Damn, I was hoping for some HARD GAY. Oh well, I can still get on top of him.)


Third pushes on Thor’s chest whilst Tiz breathes into his mouth and Chen checks his pulse.

Third: You can’t die yet, Thor! We still have six episodes to go!


Chen: His pulse is back!

Tiz: He won’t die…the series can continue!

Later, Third stares outside. Chen comes to see him.

Chen: I have to go back for my HARD YURI with Ilza.

Third: Good luck.

Chen: I can see you care a great deal about Thor, but I want you to know that, HARD GAY or not, I’m going to nominate you again next mating season.

Chen leaves.

(Third: Night is coming. Soon it will get cold and we’ll all have to stop dressing in such skimpy clothes.)

Some time later, Thor wakes up to find Tiz watching over him. Third enters.

Thor: Why are you both wearing coats now?

Tiz: Night fell while you were sleeping. Cycling shorts won’t cut it in this weather.

Outside in the blizzard, Kevin and Zagi (now a Top) look at Ochre Ring.

Zagi: It looks like the first arc is over. Soon it will be time for me to attack Ochre Ring.

To be continued…

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