Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 5


As the blue-white light causes the house to explode, pieces of wood fly everywhere.

Mokkun: Guren form!

Mokkun transforms into Guren in order to save Masahiro from that most dangerous of enemies- wood.

Guren: This will be the most dangerous enemy yet.

Masahiro: Yeah, I sense a lot of evil foreign demons.

As if on cue, the moon emerges from behind the clouds, revealing the presence of numerous evil foreign demons.

Demons: Foreign, evil…

Guren: You’re just minor random encounters- I can take you all on anytime! Flame Blast!

Guren destroys some of the attacking monsters.

Guren: Masahiro, you go and attack the ones with the lowest HP; that way you can gain a little EXP without endangering yourself.

Masahiro: That’s not enough- I need to reach Level Three!

Guren: Oh, okay then, I’ll just clear a path to the main boss.

Elsewhere, BanBan is reporting to his boss, Kyuuki (a giant bull), who crushes him underfoot.

Kyuuki: Pah, you were just a worthless one shot monster. Now it is time for me to tackle the heroes- and what could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile, Guren and Masahiro are still working their way through the generic foreign demons, but Masahiro’s stamina bar is empty.

Guren: I guess you’ve earned enough EXP here, so let’s just fly away like we could have done in the first place. And since your stamina is now depleted, let’s just head straight for the final boss.

Guren and Masahiro head towards Kyuuki and initiate a boss battle.

Kyuuki: Mwahaha, hand yourself over to me and let my evil but unspecified plans go forward! Now I shall transform into my second form!

Kyuuki transforms into a winged tiger form.

Masahiro: Wait a minute, you’re not supposed to transform until your HP is below 80%.

Kyuuki: To make up for it, I shall stand motionless whilst you two confer.

Guren: Ah, this must be Kyuuki, a type of monster who likes girls with long hair.

Masahiro: Just like Akiko, then, although let’s have a quick Flashback Mode to confirm it.

Kyuuki: Enough flashbacks! Let me show off my evil aura!

Guren: Such an aura is nothing to an OP hero such as myself! Just explain your motivations already.

Kyuuki: Ah, this is the moment I have been waiting for. You see, I was wounded by another demon, and forced to come here in search of new territory.

Guren: Wait a minute…you don’t have some kind of tragic tale that makes you more than a two-dimensional evil beast of the week?

Kyuuki: I’m afraid not. And now it is time for me to stand here and do nothing whilst I command my ineffectual minions to attack!

Kyuuki summons some Kimamau (monkeys) from Utawarerumono to ineffectually run around and occasionally attack. Guren and Masahiro are able to easily defeat the first wave, but the difficulty is on Very Hard and so more keep coming. Guren is soon overwhelmed.

Kyuuki: Gwahaha, standing here and doing nothing is the perfect way to capture your spiritual power and use it to heal my wound!

Masahiro: Telepathy mode on! Target Guren!

(Masahiro: I am now going to pointlessly create a distraction so that you can flee. In order to do so, I shall use the power of cut scene to enact an ability I haven’t learned yet.)

Guren: Masahiro, don’t!

Masahiro: Blessed Lightning! Target Kyuuki!

Kyuuki is struck with lightning.

Kyuuki: Mwahaha, that did about 3HP damage! Counterattack.

Kyuuki attacks and causes a spray of blood which is intended to leave us worried over the commercial break (because the hero always gets turned into a spray of blood in episode five).

As we see afterwards, of course, Guren is the one bleeding due to an attempt to shield Masahiro, rendering the distraction as pointless as predicted.

Kyuuki: I have just easily ripped your shoulder apart, so now I will stand back again and let the next way of Kimamau attack!

Guren: Flame Blast!

Guren fries some more Kimamau.

Masahiro: Guren, I went to all the trouble of creating a distraction, and you didn’t bother to use it!

Guren: Masahiro, I can’t let you die; not only are you the main character, but through you I have discovered the first stirrings of HARD GAY!


Masahiro: Guren…

Guren: It is true, and in order to explain, I must enter Flashback Mode. You see, for years everyone shunned me due to my poor costume and distinct lack of fashion sense, but when you were a boy, you accepted my appearance without flinching away in fear and revulsion. From then on, I swore to protect you, for where else would I find someone who would feel the same way?


Masahiro: I understand now, but you have to realise that if I let you die, there will be no one to defeat the monsters for me! Nonetheless, your words have given me the strength to futilely attack with my low level skills!

Masahiro moves forward, but even as he does, deus ex machina activates and four more OP characters appear to join the active party- blue-hair (onmyouji), spiky red hair, brown-hair and pigtails (shikigami).

Masahiro: Who are you?

Blue-Hair: I have come to defeat this monster and steal your EXP! Combo Attack!

The onmyouji and shikigami begin a frontal attack.

Masahiro: You may get all the EXP from this battle, but I will gain a few points by defeating the last few Kimamau!

Masahiro repels some Kimamau, but empties his stamina bar in the process.

Blue-Hair: Don’t interfere; I have Auto-Protect on anyway.

Kyuuki: Damn, you might actually defeat me! Escape Mode on!

Kyuuki escapes.

Blue-Hair: Full-Cure! Target Guren and Masahiro.

Blue-hair cures Guren and Masahiro before disappearing.

Guren: Revert to Mokkun form!

Masahiro and Mokkun go home. As Mokkun goes to confront Seimei, Masahiro follows him, only to meet Tenitsu, a blonde female Spirit Summon.

Tenitsu: Hello, I’m here to reassure viewers that the interesting characters will be returning.

Mokkun: Seimei, why did you send your spirit out and steal all our EXP? You’re already Level 99!

Seimei: I’m sorry, but the plot told me to do it; otherwise the lead might have died.

Pigtails, Brown-Hair and Spiky Red-Hair briefly appear.

Brown-Hair: We’ll be back in later episodes too.

Masahiro: I can’t believe it- upstaged by my own grandfather.

Seimei: If you don’t level up some more, it’s going to keep happening. You too, Guren.

Masahiro: Too right I’ll train! I’m going to show you that I’m the lead here!

To be continued…

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One Response to Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 5

  1. rey says:

    This was incredibly funny, and spot on too. I can’t wait for more!

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