Chevalier Alternative 13

The Russia arc is over, and that means it is time for the Four Musketeers to head to the home of tea-drinking HARD GAY men, better known as England. There they meet with French Ambassador Guercy, a man fond of boasting about his ‘Zhuge Liang’ (huge wang). Can Guercy win them over with tales of his impressive manhood?

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D’Eon admits he has been having some doubts about HARD GAY.

Durand tells him to always have faith in his sword.

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England is a land of infinite HARD GAY possibilities- look how excited Teillagory is getting.

“You want my body, don’t you?”

No one is impressed when Robin starts relating his HARD GAY exploits.

Nonetheless, he and Teillagory cross swords at bedtime.

Left out of the HARD GAY, d’Eon has to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure.

Durand dreams of his lover Robespierre.

Upon awakening, Durand checks his watch to see how many hours, days and weeks it has been since he last slept with Robespierre.

Pompadour continues to formulate her plans for the eradication of HARD GAY.

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Deprived of d’Eon’s skills in the bedroom, Louis invites Broglie to join him for a night of passion.

Giuseppe is understandably interested in the book of HARD GAY techniques.

Unfortunately, he just cannot open it.

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Robespierre reveals that the book is just blank pages, since he has already absorbed the techniques into himself.

“Hello, my name is Guercy and my Zhuge Liang is this big!”

Having heard similar boasts before, the Four Musketeers remain sceptical.

“Here, put your hand down my trousers and feel for yourself”.

When Durand proves unresponsive, Guercy starts boasting about his Zhuge Liang to Teillagory.

“Here, if you just put your hands down my trousers, you can see for yourself.”

There is double disappointment for Guercy when Teillagory does not take up his invitation.

“Ah Robin, have I told you about my Zhuge Liang? It’s this big!”

“Here, if you just slip your hand down my trousers, you can feel it for yourself.”

“Get away from me, you pervert!”

Guercy’s feelings are hurt by the constant rejections.

Nonetheless, he quickly cheers up when he realises he has yet to tell d’Eon about his Zhuge Liang.

“Just place your hands down here and get a good feel.”

D’Eon is shocked when he realises Guercy was not exaggerating.

“All right then, now that I’ve given you all a free sample, who wants to go the whole way with me?”

The group considers whether or not to have HARD GAY with Guercy.

Whilst they ponder that all-important question, let’s take a commercial break to advertise Tetley’s, the tea of choice for the modern Englishman.

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When served by a traditional English maid, there is nothing like a refreshing cup of Tetley’s.

Buy a pack of Tetley’s today and you can get 240,000 teabags for the price of 192,000!

Three out of three HARD GAY Frenchmen agree that the taste of Tetley’s is the one thing they will remember about England.

Order within seven days and we’ll even throw in this silver spoon!

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Back to the main program, where Robin is getting a little overexcited.

Whilst Teillagory disapproves of Robin’s lack of control, d’Eon is amused.

Having decided to take up Guercy’s offer of HARD GAY, Durand checks the coffers to see if they have enough money to afford it.

“A pleasure doing business with you, sirs.”

Having paid the fee, the Four Musketeers wonder when they will be getting their HARD GAY.

“All in good time, my boys, all in good time. That was only the down payment, you know- you still owe me several more instalments before our contract is settled.”


“I can’t believe we were conned into this HARD GAY with Guercy deal.”

A HARD GAY gathering is held.

Robespierre is able at seducing both men and women.

In order to pay the debt he now owes to Guercy, d’Eon offers a glimpse of his own Zhuge Liang.


“Feast your eyes on this.”

“My God, that’s huge! You’re like a horse!”


“Could you let me have a closer look?”

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After seeing d’Eon’s Zhuge Liang, Guercy consents to an evening of wine and swords.

Guercy is shocked when d’Eon admits that he has a predilection for dressing up as a woman.

“Oh my!”

Scattered across the world are seven mystical gates to a realm of HARD GAY.

Robespierre decides to pass through the Rose Gate of England, but is disappointed to find no partners waiting beyond the threshold.

“Oh look, my gaydar just lit up.”

“Gwakaka, I am a minor force of evil!”

Dashwood sizes up Robespierre’s suitability as a HARD GAY partner.


“I know I shouldn’t dress this way, but it’s just so damn comfortable!”

“Your Majesty, have you heard about my Zhuge Liang? It’s this big!”

Wood’s arrival interrupts Guercy’s party piece.

“Ah, Wood, I was just telling His Majesty about my Zhuge Liang.”

“I have no interest in your Liang, Zhuge or otherwise.”

“Welcome back, everyone! Would you like to hear the one about my Zhuge Liang?”

“We’ve all heard that one before.”

Unfortunately, Durand, Robin and Teillagory are forced to sit through Guercy’s Zhuge Liang story.

A lack of Robespierre’s unique brand of HARD GAY is making Durand ever more frustrated.

D’Eon must again grapple with his shameful love of dressing up as a woman.

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3 Responses to Chevalier Alternative 13

  1. Necromancer says:

    After finally battling my way through so many screencaps (stupid internet) and LOLing many times, this has to be your best parody yet. I look forward to the next 😉

  2. DMJewelle says:

    Now I’m morbidly curious what the episode really WAS about. XD

  3. Pingback: Mai Otome Zwei: Episode 1 « Hopeless Sensei’s Anime Blog

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