Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 9


Masahiro and Guren run to the next encounter area. As they get there, they are joined by Seiryu, Pigtails and Rikugou.

Masahiro: Thanks for joining my party, Seiryu- now I can hide behind you and earn some EXP.

Seiryu: You may be the main character, but whilst you are still Level Two, you do not even deserve to utter my name.

Masahiro: Whatever…just clear a path for me so that I can rescue Akiko and get all the credit.

Guren: Masahiro, just worrying about gaining EXP for now. Akiko is a named OP character, she won’t come to any harm.

Shun appears.

Shun: Gwakaka, that’s right! Let’s string out this pointless fight a little longer! Purple Arrows!

Masahiro: Hurry, Guren, my Defence stat is too low to withstand that attack!

Guren picks up Masahiro and dodges the attack.

Shun: Gwakaka, now cower in fear as I stand motionless and watch you attack my underlings!

Guren: Equip Spear of Flame!

Guren attacks and kills a minor demon, but Seiryu is not impressed.

Seiryu: What’s wrong, Guren? Is your stamina getting low?

Masahiro: I should fight too! Activate defensive barrier to defend against this small, low-level monster!

Masahiro repels the monster.

Masahiro: I’m better than I thought…Activate Defensive Tear! Target: Shun!

Shun: You fool! Ring Defender!

Masahiro’s attack is nullified.

Shun: Your attacks are useless against me! That’s why I must sit here and wait for you to get strong enough to defeat me!


Another minor demon targets Masahiro.

(Masahiro: Damn, there’s no way I can fight this. Where’s Guren?)

Rikugou: Spear Toss!

Rikugou defeats the demon.

Masahiro: Input Spell-

Seiryu shoves him out of the way.

Seiryu: Shut up and get into the back row where you belong. Honestly, I can’t believe a Level Two wimp like you is the main character!

Seiryu prepares an attack.

Seiryu: Jealousy and Lack of Screentime Attack!

Seiryu vaporises all the monsters.

Seiryu: See? That’s how a real main character would do it.

Masahiro: Seiryu, could you please stop picking on me? All I want to do is stand here in safety and target the boss with long range attacks whilst all of you protect me, okay? Now let’s try again- Input Spell Command!


Guren, Pigtails, Seiryu and Rikugou fight minor demons whilst Masahiro chants his spell.

Masahiro: Cast! White Light Arrow!

Masahiro fires his spell at Shun.

Shun: Ring Defender!

The spell is nullified and Masahiro takes damage.

Guren: Masahiro! Your HP is down to 12!

Seiryu: Like I said, that Level Two wimp is too useless to be the lead.

Guren: Watch it, Seiryu- only I am allowed to call Masahiro useless!

Guren rushes over to Masahiro, who seems to be falling unconscious.

Guren: Masahiro! Wake up, Masahiro! Oh no, he’s falling into Flashback Mode.

Masahiro remembers a time when he was young and Seimei was talking to him.

Young Masahiro: Grandfather, what should I do if the girl I like has been kidnapped by minor demons and I’m fighting to rescue her but I can’t cast a spell properly?

Seimei: Well, just in case that happens in the future, I’ll tell you what to do now.


Masahiro wakes up with his grandfather’s advice in mind.

Masahiro: Okay, everyone, just stand still and do nothing whilst I cast a lengthy summon spell! I summon Takaokami!

After a long summon animation, Takaokami (the Kifune dragon god) appears and incinerates the minor demons, Shun tries to fly away but is caught in the attack.


Masahiro collapses, his stamina bar empty.

Guren: See, Seiryu? He has the usual inexplicably high latent power of any lead character.

Masahiro stirs and runs over to Akiko.

Masahiro: Akiko, we made it just in time to rescue you! Isn’t that remarkably convenient?

Gaku arrives.

Gaku: Gwakaka…you may have defeated Shun, but did you forget about me? Commence Battle Phase 2! Purple Cutter!

Guren dodges.

Gaku: Purple Arrows!

Guren: Flame Defender!

Guren’s flames nullify Gaku’s attack and burn him.

Guren: Flaming Slice!

Gaku: Aaagh! Why does it hurt so much now when I was easily able to evade you just two episodes ago?

Whilst Gaku is easily defeated, Akiko stabs Masahiro. Meanwhile, Seimei finally finishes exorcising Keiko.

Seimei: Well, that conveniently kept me occupied for half the episode.

Back at the temple…

Masahiro: Delayed Reaction!

Masahiro falls backwards due to the stabbing.

Gaku: You fools! I may as well use the last of my life energy to explain that the girl was being controlled- just in case you hadn’t already figured it out!

Gaku vanishes.

(Guren: No, this can’t be right…if Masahiro dies, I might lose all my screentime!)



Guren breaks the sealing ring around his head as his flame powers consume everything around him. Seimei arrives.

Seimei: His pent-up frustration is being released…only my special brand of HARD GAY can calm him now.

As Seimei starts summoning his HARD GAY, Masahiro wakes up and pulls out the knife; despite the blood loss this causes, he somehow remains conscious.

Masahiro: Guren, you don’t have to get so upset…I’m still alive. We can still be HARD GAY together!

(Seimei: I don’t know whether to be happy or sad…my grandson is alive, but that means my chances of becoming the main character are slipping away.)

Masahiro: I cast Japanese Yew Scent!

Masahiro waves around the scent from the bag before passing out again. Meanwhile, Guren is trapped in an illusion of darkness.

(Guren: That’s right, this is how it is…my HARD GAY is so intense that I must stay away from everyone or risk destroying them.)


As the scent of Japanese yew penetrates the darkness, Guren sees Masahiro.

Masahiro: Guren, what are you doing here? You can’t be HARD GAY all by yourself.

Guren transforms back into Mokkun as Masahiro carries him out.

(Guren: I can’t seem to resist the will of the main character…but I must!)

Masahiro: Mokkun, you’re so warm and soft…


Mokkun worms his way out of Masahiro’s arms.

Mokkun: I’m not some plushie you can hug at night! I’m a fierce and cold existence whose intense HARD GAY hurts anyone who gets too close to me!

Masahiro: Don’t be silly, Mokkun, you’re soft and huggable! Besides, I’m the main character- your HARD GAY can’t possibly hurt me.

Back in the real world, the flames dissipate to reveal a sleeping Mokkun. Seimei moves over to Masahiro.

(Seimei: I’d better gain audience sympathy by pretending to sacrifice my life for Masahiro- if it fails, I can legitimately become the lead!)


Seimei: Energy transfer!

Seiryu: Seimei, you can’t!

Kifune God: Deus ex machina!

The dragon god that Masahiro summoned appears.

Kifune God: I am conveniently here to use my Heal All power to save Masahiro’s life and thus ensure that the series can continue.


(Seimei: Damn.)


The dragon god heals Masahiro before disappearing. Masahiro awakens.

Masahiro: My HP has been restored- and at long last I’ve earned enough EXP to reach Level Three! Don’t worry, though, Mokkun, I’ll keep you around until I reach at least Level Ten.


Seimei: Well, all’s well that ends well. Let’s get home to tie up all those annoying loose ends that are better handled offscreen.


In his lair, Kyuuki chews on a minor demon.

Kyuuki: So, Gaku and Shun were defeated, but no matter! Everything is going to plan!


The next day, Akiko apologises to Masahiro.

Akiko: I’m sorry for stabbing you, Masahiro.

Masahiro: Don’t worry about it- I’m the main character so I knew I would survive. Besides, it’s not your fault- it’s those evil foreign demons.shounen-onmyouji9o

Mokkun: Actually, it’s the fault of that useless Level Three onmyouji who came to rescue you whilst Seimei and more powerful Spirit Summons stood around and did nothing. Masahiro, you need a training arc.


Akiko: Ah, that reminds me…here, take this bag of scent, it might be as important to the plot as the last one was.

Masahiro: I’m not sure if the writers will use that plot device twice, but thanks anyway.

To be continued…

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1 Response to Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 9

  1. rofl, parodies are especially great when you uber love a series xD Seimei did look rather peeved when the Kifune God said that it’d revive Masahiro, and now I know the reason why xDD

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