Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 2

Sun Quan cries over Sun Ce’s body.

Sun Quan: Brother! We will never have HARD GAY again.

Zhou Yu approaches.

Zhou Yu: Cheer up, Sun Quan; there are many more partners in the world- such as myself.

Sun Quan: Would you really do such a thing for me?

Zhou Yu: Of course, for you are our leader now.

Sun Quan: Leader? I can’t even decide what gender I should be, so how I can make decisions for all of Wu?

Sun Quan and Zhou Yu go out into the garden.

Sun Quan: My brother was once a gentle man, skilled in the finer arts of the bedroom. It was only when the Lord’s Cube gave him such extreme Pleasure that he became rough and violent.

Zhou Yu: Personally, I found him rather impressive in the bedroom after that, for his power was enough to bring men to their knees.

Sun Quan: Power isn’t everything- technique is equally important.

Zhou Yu: Most men would disagree.

Later, Taishi Ci is having Pillar in rage when Zhou Yu arrives to talk to the named Wu generals.

Zhou Yu: Calm yourself, Taishi Ci- the situation is not yet desperate enough to warrant Pillar.

Zhang: Are you sure? Our new leader does not look up to much HARD GAY.

Zhou Yu: For the sake of history, I must support him- and you should too.

Taishi Ci suddenly has violent CHAIR.

Taishi Ci: Damn! I need something to relieve my frustrations, and this furniture just isn’t cutting it!

Meanwhile, Sun Quan is about to go out alone when Ling Tong stops him.

Ling Tong: Don’t you dare go out without me! I won’t be the only gender indeterminate character around here, My Lord!

Sun Quan: Ling Tong, there is no need for formality- even though there will be more demands on my bedroom time, I want our relationship to be the same as it always has been.

Ling Tong: Then let me come out on a date with you!

Sun Quan: Any time.

Elsewhere, Lu Xun wanders through a marketplace.

(Lu Xun: Master, what is happening? I’m the main character, but eight minutes have passed without my even appearing, and the animation has gone down so much that even my luscious hair seems oridinary.)

Lu Xun proceeds to his conveniently located family shrine, where he has some quick flashbacks about his parents.

(Lu Xun: Mother, Father, I am sorry, for you died before the series began and I can only give you screen time in Flashback Mode.)

As Sun Quan and Ling Tong approach, Lu Xun is forced to hide.

Ling Tong: Why are we here exactly? This isn’t what I had in mind when we arranged our date.

Sun Quan: This may seem boring, and indeed it is, but it is also important to the plot. The main character is nearby, and so I must randomly mention the Lord’s Cube to pique his interest.

A Wu guard arrives.

Sun Quan: Ling Tong, you had better go. If your father finds out you were on a date, he will scold you.

Ling Tong: Okay then, I’ll go back- but no seeing other men behind my back, okay?

(Lu Xun: I feel oddly attracted to Sun Quan- I must stay with Wu.)

Later, Ling Tong confronts some generic men.

Ling Tong: Look, I gave you HARD GAY- just pay me already!

Generic: How dare you ask us to pay? The experience of being with us should be payment enough!

Ling Tong: What the hell are you talking about? You’re just generics with Ezos!

Lu Xun approaches.

Lu Xun: Unhand him, generics- he is a named OP character.

Generic: What great timing! You can be my next partner- my hand is itching for some Sword.

Lu Xun: Are you asking for HARD GAY? I only take payment in advance.

Generic: Damn you!

The generics rush Lu Xun, but are easily defeated by his main character abilities. They run away.

Generic: We’ll remember this, and do our best to make a return appearance, mark our words!

Ling Tong approaches Lu Xun.

Ling Tong: Hey, let me get a good look at your Sword!

Ling Tong lifts up Lu Xun’s cloak to see his Sword.

Ling Tong: What an impressive Sword- you must be the main character! Here, let’s randomly make a Peach Garden Oath.

Lu Xun: I’m not Liu Bei, you know.

Ling Tong: I don’t even know you, but I can tell we’re going to be compatible! How would you like to come back to my place?

Lu Xun: This is all very sudden…

(Lu Xun: How much can this boy teach me about HARD GAY? Oh Master, how I long to be in your arms.)

Ling Tong: Come on, let’s get back to my place!

Lu Xun goes home with Ling Tong, and meets Ling Cao.

Ling Cao: So, you’ve finally brought a boyfriend home, eh, son? I suppose he’ll do.

Ling Tong: What do you mean he’ll do? He’s the main character.

Ling Cao: Hmm, that’s as may be, but he still doesn’t quite have the confidence in his Sword that I’d like.

Lu Xun: I have travelled far and learned much, albeit off screen, so please do not underestimate my HARD GAY.

Lu Xun and Ling Tong go outside.

Ling Tong: Lu Xun, I want you to know that while I really do respect you and want HARD GAY from you, you aren’t the only man in my life. I already have a lover, and he is a good childhood friend- his name is Sun Quan.

(Lu Xun: The Sun Quan I saw earlier? Hmm, this boy could be an important step towards HARD GAY with all sorts of important people. I must try to seduce him as soon as possible.)

The next day, Ling Tong and Lu Xun attend the coronation of Sun Quan. Everything is proceeding smoothly when suddenly many arrows are fired at the Wu entourage. Zhou Yu draws his sword.

Zhou Yu: Arrow is no match for my Sword!

Taishi Ci: We have all been struck with arrows, but as a named character, I cannot let such a small thing stop me!

More arrows fly towards Sun Quan in slow motion.

Zhou Yu: We must protect our Lord! And no one mention a word about my lax security and slow response!

As arrows magically start arriving, generics run around.

Sun Quan: Stay back, generics! There’s no way you can live through a hail of arrows!

The named characters use their weapons to deflect the arrows.

Ling Tong: Why the hell is this happening? These arrows make no sense!

(Lu Xun: If Sun Quan dies here, I will never get to have HARD GAY with him! Activate Destined Powers!)

Lu Xun gains Armoured Arm, Fire Sweep and Hyper Jump. He uses these new skills to destroy the incoming arrows by floating in the air and burning them.

Lu Xun: Justice Gundam, eat your heart out! This is my true Musou Attack, and it is beyond all laws of physics!

(Zhou Yu: I must get this man into bed with me.)

To be continued…

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2 Responses to Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 2

  1. angelicka says:

    lol..it was great, but you didn’t put the blushing scene… anyways why give san quan a woman’s voice when he is a boy

  2. Sui says:

    Usually young characters such as children and young boys are given a female voices since Asian boys vocals are slow bloomers. Also

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