Seirei no Moribito parody episode 3

The four men chase after Balsa and Chagum.

Balsa: Chagum, you must get off the battlefield- you’re only Level Zero, and the game will end if you get killed!

Chagum uses Flee, whilst Balsa switches to attack mode.

Balsa: Why haven’t you given the prince Blow Dart yet? Or is it that you would rather have Sword and Spear with me?

Balsa engages the four men, whilst Chagum watches from behind a tree.

Balsa: Chagum, you’re still on the battle map! I thought I told you to flee!

As she battles, the fastenings securing the head of Balsa’s spear are cut off, and the blade flies out of the shaft.

(Balsa: Is this the end of Spear for me? I’ll have to switch to Staff for now.)

Balsa uses Flee, whilst one of the men captures Chagum.

Man: Sorry, kid, but when you’re Level Zero, it’s your fate to get kidnapped.

He takes Chagum back to his comrades.

Man: That main character was impressive- I’d settle for a taste of her Spear any time.

Jin: Do not get distracted- group HARD GAY has always been our way, and we must not let a mere woman affect us now.

Back in town, Tohya and Saya discuss Balsa.

Tohya: It’s going to be hard if Balsa’s on her own with that level zero character. Let’s see if we can find Tanda and recruit him to the active party.

Saya: We’re NPCs, so this is all we can do.

Meanwhile, Jin prepares to take Chagum back to the palace.

Jin: Poor boy, is intense HARD GAY with his father really the only answer? Although I may have seemed one-dimensional and evil at first, I am really a sympathetic character, and I will even have a Flashback Mode to prove it.

Jin remembers a time when he was a boy and Chagum gave him some sweets.

Jin: I have admired him ever since that day- perhaps it is better that he dies through intense HARD GAY with me. Forgive me, Chagum, I wanted to be gentle with you, but this is the only way we can have HARD GAY!

Jin prepares to give Chagum Sword, but Balsa appears to stop him.

Balsa: If you want to satisfy your desires, then at least have BI with me!

Balsa defeats Jin.

(Balsa: Don’t worry, Chagum- I will make sure that you are kept safe from HARD GAY and remain on the path of BI.)

Balsa and Chagum continue through the forest, but eventually Balsa collapses.

Balsa: How embarrassing…my HP is low and my stamina bar has run out already. All I can do is prevent game over by making sure you are safe.

Chagum: What are you saying? You can’t die now- it’s only episode three!

Balsa: There is a way for me to survive, but it means I will have to leave you alone in the active party. Follow the onscreen map until you reach the hidden location Tanda’s House; only he has the healing items I need.

Chagum sets off, and soon reaches the rocks he must climb.

(Chagum: I miss the days when you could just press X and automatically climb up sheer rock faces. Oh well, here goes.)

Chagum reaches the top of the rocks, but cannot see where to go next.

(Chagum: Damn, this is too difficult- and who set the weather to ‘storm’ anyway?)

Fortunately, a convenient wolf shows him where to go next. He continues on his way, only to end up falling into a marsh and being rescued by Tanda.

Chagum: Are you Tanda?

Tanda: That’s me. It’s quite convenient that you found me, actually- I only just got back here from town in order to pick up some leaves. It’s as if the plot arranged for me to be in the right place at the right time.

Chagum: You have to help me! Balsa’s HP is low!

Meanwhile, Balsa lies in the forest whilst two men appear and have Spear with each other until one is defeated.

(Balsa: I wish I could have some Spear right now.)

As her stamina bar empties to zero, Tanda arrives.

To be continued…

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