Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 22

Orleans: Teillagory! Who am I going to have HARD GAY with now?

Orleans runs away.

Teillagory: I did not want to die in throes of HARD GAY, but now that it has happened that way, it does not feel so bad. My son and my comrades are surely waiting to service me in Heaven.

Robin: TEILLAGORY!!!!!!!

D’Eon: Come on, let’s go. He will never give us HARD GAY again.

(d’Eon: Not that I need the old man now that I have BOOK.)

(Robin: I never knew that HARD GAY could be so dangerous. Maybe I was wrong to ever try it.)

Outside the room, Orleans finds himself surrounded by soldiers.

Orleans: Get away from here- I did not order Generic Sword!

Broglie approaches.

Broglie: You should not have spurned them so swiftly, Phillipe, for now you will never have HARD GAY again- not even with me. Look forward to spending the rest of your life in celibacy.

Orleans breaks down in tears.

At the Palace, Pompadour prepares to have SKULL with Belle, now revealed to be her daughter.

Pompadour: HARD GAY is everywhere, and my plans for STRAIGHT have been shattered- all I have left is SKULL.

Robespierre enters.

(Robespierre: Hmm, I’d like to try SKULL for myself.)

Robespierre: One Hit Kill!

Robespierre uses his magic to snap Pompadour’s neck. He retrieves the skull.

(Robespierre: This is strictly for research purposes.)

Outside, Saint-Germain confronts Marie.

Saint-Germain: Greetings, Marie, I have important plot information to impart. There is a way to remember Auguste from the H.O.M.O. club and spare him a life of HARD GAY. I know you must feel bitter that the king abandoned you for HARD GAY, and so surely you would not want him to follow the same path.

Marie: The king is worse of than I am, for he is now so hard up for partners that he must sleep with generics. I only wish that I had been successful in keeping him on the path of STRAIGHT.

Saint-Germain: Hmm, perhaps this cannot be settled with words after all. Commence Psalm Battle!

Both sides recite Psalms, but Marie gets the upper hand. As Saint-Germain is overpowered, Robespierre arrives.

Saint-Germain: Quick, Robespierre- kill the queen so that STRAIGHT will be weakened and HARD GAY will prosper!

Robespierre: Saint-Germain, you are not a worthy enough partner for me to save.

Between them, Robespierre and Marie strip Saint-Germain of his power.

Robespierre: Marie, the plot will soon have no further need of you- tread carefully.

Marie: His Majesty often came to this place for Hyper Self Pleasure- I never did find out why.

Robespierre: There are some embarrassing secrets that men never want women to discover.

Meanwhile, d’Eon and Robin hide out in a safe house.

Robin: Her Majesty said we should remain here for a while.

D’Eon: As the main character, I can’t just stay here whilst important plot events are happening!

D’Eon tries to get up, but he falls back down and drops the BOOK. Robin catches it.

Robin: I can hold the Book now- does that mean I am more HARD GAY than before? It must be because I killed Teillagory in the throes of passion.

D’Eon: Teillagory saved you, for if he had not taken your Gun, you would have had to bear the shame of having had HARD GAY with Orleans.

Robin: To be honest, I need time to think- I am not sure if HARD GAY is even the right future for me.

Lorenza and Giuseppe are in their room when a mark appears on Lorenza’s hand.

Giuseppe: Oh, it’s a text message from Saint-Germain. Let’s go.

They meet Saint-Germain inside a church crypt.

Saint-Germain: I’m feeling weak- hurry and bolster my strength with HARD GAY.

Lorenza: It seems the master has deemed you unfit for HARD GAY- try this BI instead.

Lorenza uses Psalm Power to give Saint-Germain deadly BI.

Saint-Germain: Aagh, the BI! It burns!

Saint-Germain is killed when the roof of the crypt caves in.

At the palace, Louis talks to Broglie.

Louis: Broglie, could you handle HARD GAY matters for me today? I wish to have one last STRAIGHT session with my wife.

Meanwhile, Robin has gone to see Marie.

Marie: Robin, I know you long to have STRAIGHT with me, but that must wait. In the future, you will be able to return to court, where I hope that you will help Auguste avoid turning HARD GAY and making the same mistakes his grandfather has.

That evening, the Dauphin asks Anna to stay behind when he goes to bed.

Dauphin: Anna, I’ve been told that I must avoid HARD GAY and stick to STRAIGHT- could you help me?

(Anna: I guess I might as well- it’s not like my fiancé d’Eon even seems to know who I am.)

That evening, Marie and Louis have dinner together.

Louis: It’s nice to have STRAIGHT once in a while.

Marie: This reminds me of the old days, when we were first married.

Louis: I almost wish I could go back to those days.

Marie gets the Book out.

Louis: Have you looked at the Book of HARD GAY?

Marie: Yes. I thought I might finally be able to understand HARD GAY if I did. Now I realise that its lure is impossible for a man such as you to resist.

Louis: Then you must drink this poisoned wine, so that the pain of waiting for me to turn STRAIGHT again can end.

Marie: Very well, but I must ask that you spare the two remaining main characters.

Marie drinks the wine.

Marie: My time in this series is over.

Marie dies. As Louis catches her body, Anna walks in on them.

Anna: I think I just saw something I shouldn’t have.

Louis: Ah, Anna, good timing- Marie has just awoken my appetite for a touch of STRAIGHT, but as you can see, I need a new partner.

Louis takes a sword down from the wall.

Louis: Ready for some Sword, Anna?

To be continued…

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