Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 7

Zhuge Liang talks to Lu Su.

Lu Su: Did you take me to your special place to give me HARD GAY?

Zhuge Liang: Hmm, perhaps.

Lu Su: If you ask me, you still seem distracted by your pupil. If I find out you’ve let him see your Sword already, I might start getting jealous.

At home, Lu Xun tries playing housewife to Ling Tong.

Ling Tong: This meal tastes horrible!

Lu Xun: I’m sorry- I tried making it the way you like it…

Ling Tong: Well, at least you’ve got the role play elements down…anyway, I’ve decided it’s about time I stopped moping so that we can all get on with the plot.

Zhou Yu visits Sun Quan.

Zhou Yu: I’m sorry to visit you so late at night…

Sun Quan: Zhou Yu, you are always welcome to visit me at any time of night.

Zhou Yu: Well, much as I would like to stay for Pleasure, there are plot matters to attend to. The Kingdom of Wei has become so desperate for screen time that they want to form an alliance with us- Cao Cao is even claiming to have the Lord’s Cube.

Sun Quan: What should we do?

Zhou Yu: Fear not, for although I was near useless last arc, this time I have a foolproof plan!

Gan Ning sits in his room, remembering what Zhou Yu said to him.

Zhou Yu: Since you are a named OP character, you are no longer our prisoner. You are free to do as you wish.

Gan Ning: And what if I choose to remain celibate?

Zhou Yu: Trust me, that isn’t going to happen.

That evening, Lu Xun is sitting outside when Ling Tong comes out.

Ling Tong: Aniki, what’s wrong? I’ve been waiting for you to come to bed for ages.

Lu Xun: Oh, I was just thinking.

Ling Tong: About Zhuge Liang, I’ll bet…stop pining for his giant Sword and make do with the HARD GAY that’s being offered to you.

Zhuge Jin arrives.

Ling Tong: Zhuge Jin, what are you doing out so late?

(Ling Tong: Damn, I bet he’s come over to steal Aniki away from me.)

Zhuge Jin: Oh, I just felt like taking a stroll.

(Zhuge Jin: Come on, Lu Xun, get the hint.)

Zhuge Jin: Oh, and by the way, I hear that Gan Ning has left the castle. He must be looking for HARD GAY- that’s the only reason to go out at night.

(Lu Xun: I feel like he’s hinting at something, but I’m not sure what.)

(Ling Tong: I’m sick of this- let’s see who Aniki loves more).

Ling Tong: That’s it- I’m out of here.

(Lu Xun: I’d better randomly run off.)

Lu Xun leaves.

(Zhuge Jin: Damn, not again.)

Using plot powers of convenience, Lu Xun catches up to Gan Ning.

Lu Xun: Don’t leave us, Gan Ning! Wu has so much HARD GAY to offer.

Gan Ning: Don’t worry, I’m too attached to the prospect of screen time to go anywhere. I do have some important plot information about Wei, though- they may have the Lord’s Cube.

Lu Xun: Could it be that Master gave it to them? I must learn the truth.

Gan Ning: And what if it turns out to be something you don’t want to hear?

Lu Xun: All I care about is seeing Master’s Sword- and if that becomes impossible for some reason, then I would rather kill myself than go on.

Gan Ning: Then I shall go to Wei and investigate.

(Gan Ning: If I can impress Zhou Yu with my deeds, maybe he will show me his most advanced techniques.)

Ling Tong arrives.

Ling Tong: Gan Ning, when you return, you owe me HARD GAY in place of my father.

Gan Ning: I understand.

Gan Ning leaves, and Ling Tong and Lu Xun start walking back.

(Ling Tong: Thank god he left- now that’s one less rival I have to worry about.)

Meanwhile, Zhuge Liang and Lu Su are in a boat together.

Lu Su: Damn, this boat is going so slowly.

Zhuge Liang: Now, now, I like to take my time with HARD GAY, so this speed is perfect. Rush it, and you do not feel the full Pleasure effect of my enormous Sword.

Zhou Yu gathers the named Wu characters for a conference about Wei.

Taishi Ci: Damn them- they make me so mad that I’m going to have to punch this table!

Generals: Zhou Yu, what should we do about this?

Zhou Yu: Well, I did call you here to discuss this problem, but what the hell, let’s just leave it until another day- maybe the problem will have resolved itself by then.

Later, Ling Tong and Lu Xun are together.

Ling Tong: Hmm, it’s about time for me to go and service Sun Quan- see you later.

(Ling Tong: If I keep playing hard to get, Lu Xun will surely come running to me.)

(Lu Xun: That messes up my HARD GAY plans for the evening.)

Lu Xun wanders around, until a masked man throws a rock at him.

Lu Xun: What was that for?

Masked Man: You look like a man in need of HARD GAY. Follow me, and I’ll see what I can do.

The man takes Lu Xun to see Zhuge Liang.

Lu Xun: Master! I’ve missed you so much!

Zhuge Liang: I know, for I have missed you too. Now, let us retire and I might just you show a glimpse of my mighty Sword.

(Lu Su: Damn, as soon as that kid comes back, I get relegated to the position of reserve lover!)

Zhuge Liang takes Lu Xun to the red light district.

(Lu Xun: What are all these women here for? I thought he was taking me to have HARD GAY.)

Lu Xun: Master, what is this place?

Zhuge Liang: Does it surprise you that women can be used for Pleasure purposes?

Lu Xun: Of course it does!

Zhuge Liang: This is just another aspect of society, known as BI. It may be worth looking into.

Next, Zhuge Liang takes Lu Xun to a fighting arena, where burly men cross ‘blades’.

Zhuge Liang: This must be more like the HARD GAY you are used to. Here, these men compete to see who has the mightiest Sword.

Lu Xun: They do?

Zhuge Liang: Isn’t it human nature to want to compare such things? And wouldn’t it be human nature to want to increase one’s Pleasuring powers further with the Lord’s Cube? That is why it can only be given to those who are already confident in their Pleasure skills.

Next, Zhuge Liang shows Lu Xun the Lord’s Sphere.

Zhuge Liang: Anyway, all that was just to stretch out the episode- the real point I want to make is that I have created my own Pleasure enhancer- the Lord’s Sphere. I am hoping you can use it to combat the immense Pleasure aura of the Lord’s Cube, and thus retrieve it.

Lu Xun: Thank goodness! Master, I had feared that you were evil and that I would never get to see your Sword!

Zhuge Liang: Lu Xun, no matter what happens, I will always be there to show you the ways of HARD GAY.

(Lu Xun: I know Ling Tong and the others mean well, but no one can match my master, and I haven’t even seen his Sword yet!)

The next day, Lu Su brings Zhuge Liang to the Wu court.

Lu Su: In these difficult times, we need all the HARD GAY we can get- therefore I present the master of Pleasure, Zhuge Liang!

(Sun Quan: What a beautiful person! I can’t wait to get him in bed.)

(Zhou Yu: Whatever happens, this man must not upstage me.)

Sun Quan: Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu is pretty incompetent- can you help us with the current dilemma?

Zhuge Liang: Just leave it to me.

(Zhou Yu: Damn him! Let me get him in the bedroom and we’ll see who’s bigger!)

Elsewhere, Liu Bei tries to catch butterfly, whilst Guan Yu and Zhang Fei watch.

Liu Bei: Come here, butterfly- you must have a clue about my gender!

(Guan Yu: Since he is so effeminate, we have to be especially manly.)

To be continued…