Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 5

Nakaiya summons the next three Akki Rasetsu, who perform standard introductory poses.

Nakaiya: Gwakaka, the three of you are here to become the latest adversaries of the week! First, though, you must level up a little, and since there’s no time for random dungeons, you must do it via a bondage session with the Lord’s Head!

The three Akki Rasetsu are bound in magical chains and exposed to the HARD GAY energy of the Lord’s Head by the resident Old Mage class.

Old Mage: Chaos and destruction, these are the things villains strive for!

By the time Nakaiya has wasted several minutes with lengthy and ultimately throwaway exposition, the Akki Rasetsu are ready.

Akki Rasetsu: Kill! Kill! Kill!

(Akki Rasetsu: This isn’t very challenging dialogue- no wonder the pay was so low.)

At the brothel, Katsu has another go at BI by flirting with Kotoha.

(Katsu: This sure is difficult, but I must persevere.)

(Kanna: What has he got against having HARD GAY with me?)

After Kotoha leaves, Katsu’s next lovers arrive.

(Kanna: Damn him! Is he doing this on purpose?)

Katsu: Sorry for the wait- I was just experimenting with BI. I think it’s necessary, given the declining state of HARD GAY in this era.

Takamori: Is there anything that can be done?

Katsu: We could ask England to supply us with new lovers and techniques, but then again, that could be more trouble than it’s worth. This is indeed a difficult situation.

Downstairs, a samurai knocks into Parkes and draws his sword.

Samurai: Damn you tea-sipping foreigner! How would you like a taste of Japanese sword?

Kotoha: Sir, this is a brothel- it is not a place to give other men Sword. Put it away and pay for female company like everyone else.

The samurai is encouraged to leave.

Parkes: Does that mean I can’t have HARD GAY either?

Kotoha: Nonsense- it’s fine for named characters if they do it behind closed doors. And I think you’ll find that Katsu is already waiting for you.

Shortly afterwards, Akidzuki and the troupe arrive at the brothel.

Kakunojo: Thanks for inviting us, Tayu- we’d hate to miss out on screen time just because all the action was taking place at the brothel.

Kotoha: Oh, but it wasn’t me who invited you.

(Kakunojo: Hmm, it must have been the director- we should keep our eyes open for plot-related events.)

Whilst various named characters and generics watch, Kakunojo, Shiranui, Benimaru and Kobako perform a few tricks.

(Akidzuki: This is just great- fourteen minutes in and the main character hasn’t had a single line of dialogue yet.)

Suddenly, one of the Akki Rasetsu, Ryuu Kaen, appears and attempts to give Kakunojo Sword. Kanna counters with Gun.

(Kanna: If this is the only way I can get any HARD GAY around here, then I’m not going to pass up a single opportunity.)

Akidzuki’s gaydar activates and he runs into the fray, just as Kakashi takes an attack from another Akki Rasetsu, Karasuma.

(Kakashi: Is being a meat shield all I’m good for? When is my character development arc? I may be a strongman, but there is so much I want to say!)

Kakashi and Akidzuki start battling the Akki Rasetsu, as the third one, Hachisuka, appears. Kanna goes to give him Gun.

Parkes: Kanna, don’t waste your Gun on these one-shots!

Kanna: Very well.

(Kanna: Frustrated again.)

Whilst Kakashi is given rough HARD GAY by Karasuma, Akidzuki has intense Sword with the other two. Soutetsu watches and records the HARD GAY levels and techniques of the combatants before randomly getting his Sword out and joining in.

Old Mage: Gwakakaka, the Lord’s Head is absorbing the HARD GAY generated by this fighting! It knows that there are many who desire Pleasure in this land! Even from here I can get aroused by it!

As the magistrate arrives to put an end to the fun, bagpipe playing British soldiers randomly appear to practise their Gun.

(Katsu: What the hell is going on? Aren’t there better ways to resolve this episode?)

The Akki Rasetsu run away, leaving a somewhat the worse for wear Kakashi behind.

(Parkes: One of my more inspired ideas, if I do say so myself. Now to practise my Engrish.)

To be continued…

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