Zhuge Liang talks to Sun Quan, Zhou Yu and Lu Xun.
Zhou Yu: Are you saying that your command of HARD GAY is beyond that of anyone here?
(Zhuge Liang: Of course it is.)
Sun Quan: I do want to try it, but I don’t want my men to get jealous of you.
Lu Xun: There’s only one thing to do- arrange a mass HARD GAY session so that no one feels left out.
Sun Quan: Won’t that be dangerous? Someone might get hurt in the throes of passion.
Zhuge Liang: Just leave everything to me, and I will arrange the ultimate Pleasure whilst taking all your concerns into account.
(Zhou Yu: Damn him- what if his HARD GAY really is better than mine?)
Later, Lu Xun services Zhuge Liang.
Lu Xun: Master, I fear Zhou Yu may not be satisfied with mere descriptions of your Sword- he will want to see it.
(Lu Xun: …as do I.)
Zhuge Liang: The time is not yet right, but never fear, for soon everyone will see my mighty Sword. For now, though, it is enough that only you believe the stories about its size.
Zhao Yun enters.
Zhao Yun: I’m starting to feel jealous, you know, what with all this talk of Wu getting to see your Sword. And Lu Xun, it’s not fair of you to want Zhuge Liang all to yourself- it’s my turn to spend some quality time in his bed.
Zhao Yun hands a letter to Zhuge Liang.
Lu Xun: Hey, who’s that from? Do you have other lovers I don’t know about?
(Zhuge Liang: Foolish boy- does he really think just one man would satisfy me?)
Zhuge Liang: It’s probably best if you don’t think about it too much.
Meanwhile, Zhou Yu is considering Zhuge Liang’s words.
(Zhou Yu: Zhuge Liang, just when will you actually show us your skills in the bedroom? Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter, just as long as you’re willing to play submissive to my dominant.)
The next day, Ling Tong has WOOD in front of Taishi Ci and Lu Meng.
Taishi Ci: You aren’t putting enough spirit into it! Don’t listen to those who say it’s only WOOD- this can be a solid and exciting experience!
Ling Tong: Sorry, but I’m not on top form today because Aniki didn’t come home last night- not only did I have to go without HARD GAY, but I lay awake all night worrying that he was in the arms of another man.
As if on cue, Lu Xun shows up.
Ling Tong: Hey, you- where were you last night?
Lu Xun: I was with my teacher, if you know what I mean.
Ling Tong: Well, I suppose no one would pass up a night with Zhuge Liang, but at least let me know next time you plan to stay out all night.
Lu Xun: Don’t worry- I’ll be home especially early tonight.
Ling Tong: You’d better be.
Taishi Ci: Listen to the newlyweds!
Zhuge Jin appears.
Zhuge Jin: So, how did it go? Did you get to see my brother’s Sword?
Lu Xun: Not yet, but he promised to show it to me later.
Zhuge Jin: You really are in love with him, aren’t you?
(Zhuge Jin: Damn, as long as my brother keeps stringing Lu Xun along, it reduces my chances of being able to have HARD GAY with him!)
Zhuge Jin leaves.
Taishi Ci: Anyway, by later, I take it you’re referring to that mass HARD GAY session that’s been planned?
Ling Tong: They say there’s going to be a hundred men there!
Taishi Ci: Anyway, to get to the point, which side are you going to be on- dominant or submissive?
Lu Xun: As a named character, naturally I prefer to be dominant.
Taishi Ci: Me too! I guess we’re all the same in the bedroom, really.
Whilst Gan Ning has Dagger in Wei, Lu Xun and Ling Tong have dinner together.
Ling Tong: So anyway, are you going to give me all the juicy details from last night?
Lu Xun doesn’t answer.
Ling Tong: What’s the matter? Are you thinking about Zhuge Liang again? Is he really such a great lover?
Lu Xun: Of course he is!
Ling Tong: Hmmph, I bet he isn’t really that good.
(Ling Tong: Come on, Aniki, this is the point where you tell me that I’m your favourite.)
Lu Xun: Just wait until you meet him- I bet you’ll fall for his charms straightaway!
Lu Xun takes Ling Tong to see Zhuge Liang, but he isn’t there. Zhao Yun greets them instead.
Zhao Yun: If you’re thinking of having HARD GAY with Zhuge Liang without my permission, I’m not going to be pleased.
Lu Xun: Where is he?
Zhao Yun: Like I’m going to ruin the plot by telling you that…although I should warn you that your precious Zhuge Liang might not be able to make your precious mass HARD GAY session tomorrow.
Lu Xun: Of course he will!
The next day, all Wu’s military men gather for mass HARD GAY, but Zhuge Liang is nowhere to be seen.
(Lu Xun: Master, where are you? You promised to direct this mass HARD GAY!)
Whilst the generics stand and watch, the named characters engage in HARD GAY, until they are interrupted by Cao Ren, who is bathed in a HARD GAY aura. He starts giving everyone long range Knife.
Cao Ren: Gwakakaka, weaklings! Taste the true HARD GAY of Wei!
Zhang Zhao: We must ally with Wei and partake of this HARD GAY!
Taishi Ci: Never! Our own HARD GAY is all we need!
Zhuge Liang: Theatrical entrance!
Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Zhao Yun, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei all appear out of nowhere. Liu Bei approaches Sun Quan.
Liu Bei: Hey, are you really a man? You look like a girl.
Sun Quan: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
Zhuge Liang: He may look effeminate, but he is the leader of a group if intensely HARD GAY men. Observe.
Bathed in HARD GAY aura, Zhao Yun, Zhang Fei and Guan Yu attack Cao Ren.
Cao Ren: Retreat!
Zhuge Liang: This is the power of the Lord’s Sphere, a pseudo-version of the Lord’s Cube. Thanks to my immense skill, I have worked out how to produce Lord’s Spheres in order to enhance people’s HARD GAY.
Zhang Zhao: Show it to me! As an old man, I desperately need it!
Zhuge Liang: I’m sorry, but it’s a one time use item only.
Zhang Zhao: Damn you!
Zhuge Liang: Even so, I’m sure I can whip some up in order to make Wu more HARD GAY than Wei- although it would be even better if we got the original Lord’s Cube back from Cao Cao.
Lu Xun: We must do it! Trust me, Lord, the HARD GAY we can have with the Lord’s Cube will be supreme!
Sun Quan gets out his ‘dagger’ and randomly has TABLE.
Sun Quan: Let’s do it!
After the meeting, Zhuge Liang visits Zhou Yu.
Zhuge Liang: I hope that we can put aside our natural competitiveness and enjoy some good HARD GAY together. I’m even willing to put myself in your hands, as it were.
Zhou Yu: In that case, I shall play my ‘flute’ for you.
(Zhou Yu: …but don’t think that I can ever trust you! You and I are destined to be rivals in the bedroom, and the one who notches up the most lovers wins!)
To be continued…