Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 20

In the freezing snow, Hijikata tries to warm himself up with BI, whilst Enomoto practises Evil Stare.

(Enomoto: Not yet, Hijikata- save your Pleasure for me.)

In a small fishing village, Akidzuki is taken in by the family of the DOG.

Meg: Mum! A main character has washed up on our doorstep- that means we’re going to get screen time!

(Akidzuki: What’s happened? Why am I here with these minor characters?)

Mother: I’m used to having CORPSE with the bodies that wash up here, but I never thought I’d get a living lover.

(Akidzuki: This is like a living hell; first I was stabbed by a co-star, and now I’ve been stranded what feels like a million miles from the plot.)

Mother: I haven’t had living Pleasure in ages; Meg’s father went off to war to have HARD GAY in the army, leaving us all alone.

In the blizzard, Enomoto continues trying out Evil Stares, whilst Hijikata is still with his group of lovers.

Hijikata: It’s going to be impossible to have Cannon in this weather.

Enomoto: The time for BI is now! Prepare to fire!

The light of God shines out from the clouds and a Cannon session begins.

Generic: Enomoto truly is a master of BI- see how accurate his aim is, even under these conditions.

Hijikata: Everyone, charge! We must get some action!

At the hospital, Ryouun finally gets BI with a patient.

Patient: This hurts- you could be a bit gentler, you know.

Ryouun: Just be thankful for that mixture of Pleasure and pain.

Outside the room, two men have got their Swords out for HARD GAY.

Woman: Please stop! This is a place of BI!

Ryouun: What are you doing? Put your Swords away at once!

Man: Why should I? I’ve gone a whole day without HARD GAY!

The two men prepare to give each other Sword, but Kakunojo intervenes.

Kakunojo: If you’re that desperate for Pleasure, then go for BI like the rest of us!

The men put their Swords away.

Meanwhile, Akidzuki is with Mother, staring at his Sword.

(Akidzuki: I haven’t had proper Pleasure since that BI incident…can I really give this woman what she wants?)

Mother: Why? Why is it that men desire HARD GAY so much that they abandon BI?

Akidzuki: It’s complicated.

Mother: I always hated HARD GAY, but in the end I guess there’s no point in that- HARD GAY and BI should live together.

Akidzuki goes to sleep and falls into a budget-saving Flashback Mode. The next morning he hears the DOG barking and goes outside.

(Akidzuki: Are they expecting me to service the DOG? Why can’t the kid do it?)

Akidzuki sees Meg’s shoe and realises she has fallen into the sea.

(Akidzuki: Oh well.)

Mother arrives.

(Akidzuki: Damn, now I have to act heroic.)

Akidzuki: Your daughter fell into the sea! I must save her!

Mother: Don’t be silly- a main character can’t risk his life for a one-shot character! I’ll save her!

(Akidzuki: I was hoping she’d say that.)

Meanwhile, Hijikata and his men engage in intense Sword and Cannon.

Hijikata: Rifle Squad, ready!

The riflemen fire at the enemy, but the wooden gates close in front of them.

Hijikata: Damn WOOD! Take that gate and make it feel some pain!

The gates periodically open to let the enemy give Cannon before closing again.

(Hijikata: This is like Hu Lao Gate, only worse!)

Soldier: Hijikata, this gate is impossible to clear! Let’s try an easier level.

Hijikata: No- it’s personal now.

Enomoto: Cannon ex machine! Fire!

Enomoto’s Cannon easily blows away the gate and the intense BI resumes. Ezo stares at the battle from his ship.

Enomoto: Now the time has come for me to declare the truth- I have an Ezo!

The men are so drunk on Pleasure that they cheer. Meanwhile, Mother has just rescued Meg.

(Akidzuki: Does anyone really care about this one-off storyline about insignificant characters?)

Mother: I have such a tragic back story, you know- both my father and brother died when I was young. I’ve longed for a man for so long.

(Mother: He doesn’t seem to be getting the hint that he should give me BI.)

(Akidzuki: I have not fallen so far that I would give this woman BI.)

Akidzuki: Why do you stay here in obscurity instead of going to find a man, then?

Mother: Oh, I never thought of that.

Later, Akidzuki goes outside to take his customary place at the edge of a cliff.

(Akidzuki: BI may have hurt me, but I must not fear Pleasure.)

Akidzuki starts having Hyper Self Pleasure. The next day, he is ready to leave.

Akidzuki: Well, it seems the writers are ready to get on with the main plot, so I should be going.

Before he leaves, Mother’s husband returns.

Mother: At last- a man! No more DOG and CORPSE for me!

Akidzuki leaves.

(Akidzuki: I can’t believe we wasted a whole episode on this crap.)

Meanwhile, the Ezo Republic is born, a land where men with Ezos can live freely and without embarrassment, as Enomoto wanted.

(Soutetsu: The Ezo Republic is not for me- I am too well endowed).

To be continued…

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