Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 21

As Akidzuki rides back into the plot on the Stonewall- a ship designed to withstand Enomoto’s BI and Evil Stare- we go back to three months previously, where Shiranui, Zagashira and Kakashi are wandering around Ezo.

Shiranui: There are so many men with Ezos around here- no wonder Tayu has been keeping Soutetsu to herself.

Zagashira: I hate to say this, but we may have to accept that we are no longer relevant to the plot.

(Kakashi: No way! When’s my arc, then?)

Kobako and Benimaru show Kakashi what they have picked up.

Kakashi: These are rifle bullets- someone had either HARD GAY or BI around here.

Shiranui throws the bullets into the sea.

Shiranui: Damn them! How dare they leave behind evidence to make me feel worse about not getting any?

Benimaru: What are you doing? Those were the only toys we’ve had to play with all series!

Shiranui: Sorry, but Rifle isn’t for kids.

Meanwhile, Ryosuke Kuroda meets Ikunosuke Arai. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of them before, this episode is all about introducing previously unmentioned historical figures.

Kuroda: Ah, I’ll never forget that time we had Gatling Gun- no wonder a lusty man like you isn’t satisfied with the Ezos in your republic.

Arai: Quite- now let’s get down to some proper HARD GAY.

Kuroda: Don’t be so hasty- good HARD GAY can’t be rushed. And I truly am a master of HARD GAY, so much so that every man in the Ezo Republic must surely desire me.

Arai: Every man?

Kuroda: Don’t worry, though, I have a special gift for you- the first go with it.

Kuroda gets out his Liang.

Arai: Wow- that really is amazing!

Kuroda: You can’t deny that you want me now.

Elsewhere, Shouten visits Katsu and Saigou, now a happy HARD GAY couple.

Shouten: I’m pleased to see that the two of you got together, but as with any relationship, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing.

Katsu: We’ve been working together to make our HARD GAY more Pleasurable and less painful, but we can’t deny the truth- both of us are getting too old to master the best techniques.

Shouten: Are you saying that I’m old too? In that case, I’ll have to ask you for HARD GAY in order to prove that I still have the magic.

Katsu and Saigou exchange pained glances.

(Katsu: Do we really have to service this old man?)

Katsu: Sorry, but I no longer have the strength to service you in the manner you have become accustomed to. Perhaps Saigou can do it.

(Saigou: Thanks a bunch, Katsu.)

Saigou: Very well.

At the hospital, Kakunojo bounces a ball and sings to some children.

(Children: Wow, this is the most entertaining thing we’ve had around here in years.)

Meanwhile, Akidzuki wanders around, trying to find his way back to the plot. He eventually meets up with Kuroda, who is having Rifle with the wall.

(AKidzuki: At long last, a man of HARD GAY!)

Kuroda: Welcome, Akidzuki- I’d like to invite you to have HARD GAY with me on the Stonewall tomorrow. First, though, I’d like to see how your Sword matches up to my Rifle.

Kuroda demonstrates his skill by having JUG.

Kuroda: Some say I’m mad for freely having JUG, but it’s all in the name of entertainment.

At a meeting of historical figures, Hijikata, Soutetsu, Arai and various generic looking named men discuss Kuroda’s plan to offer his Pleasure to the Republic.

(Hijikata: I am far above these other historical figures- I have fangirls!)

Historical Figure #1: Kuroda is offering himself to the Ezo Republic- given the level of his Pleasure, we cannot afford to pass up this opportunity.

Historical Figure #2: We should be careful, though- after all, he is well endowed and more into HARD GAY than BI.

Arai: Trust me, his Liang is worth it. We can iron out the details later.

Soutetsu: I understand that you are all eager to enjoy Pleasure with such a man, but don’t you think it all sounds too good to be true?

Hijikata: I think you should leave this matter to me.

(Hijikata: If this man has a Zhuge Liang and is into HARD GAY, I must meet with him! The BI in this republic of Ezos has been really disappointing.)

As we slowly get back round to the beginning, a mysteriously double-chinned Hijikata and other Ezo officials sail out to meet Kuroda, Akidzuki and the Stonewall.

Generic: The Ezo men have only sent two ships!

Kuroda: They promised three- two ships’ worth of men isn’t enough to satisfy me!

Hijikata and Kuroda meet and have introductory HARD GAY.

Kuroda: Thank you for coming all this way.

Hijikata: My people are prepared to have Pleasure with all of your men.

Kuroda: I must thank you, of course, but why did you only bring two ships? I need more men than that.

Hijikata: Trust me, my men are highly skilled- we will be sufficient to satisfy or even exhaust you.

Kuroda: I have the highest confidence in your Pleasure, Hijikata- but can you really service all the men I brought along?

Kuroda fires a flare and his allies emerge from hiding.

Hijikata: Damn you- I’m not prepared to service that many!

Hijikata and Kuroda begin having Sword. The generics join in with Sword, Rifle and Gatling Gun, but sadly the Ezo men are too small to keep up, and are soon fatally exhausted.

Hijikata: You guys, I know you’re unmoving and covered in blood, but are you okay?

Ezo Generic: Hijikata, we must retreat! We’re too small to endure this kind of session.

Kuroda: Don’t let him retreat! Give him as much Gatling Gun as possible!

Kuroda’s men try to give Hijikata fatal HARD GAY, but Akidzuki intervenes.

Akidzuki: Don’t kill him- he’s too important to the plot!

Kuroda prepares to give Akidzuki fatal Gun, before realising that he cannot kill the main character.

Kuroda: Damn rules of narrative!

An intense SHIP session occurs, whilst Hijikata and Akidzuki safely get away. On their ship, Historical Figure #1 tries to have fatal Self Pleasure, but Hijikata stops him.

Hijikata: This is not the time or place for Hyper Self Pleasure.

They continue on to the Republic, where Akidzuki lays his eyes on his first Ezo.

To be continued…

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