On a British ship, Parkes berates the chess piece team.
Parkes: Your BI is awful- simply awful! And as for you, Kanna- I should have never let you handle my Liang! I’m thoroughly disappointed in all of you!
On deck, Kanna contemplates his watch, whilst Queen gets drunk.
(Kanna: How dare Parkes say such things about me? My Liang is far more Zhuge than his!)
(Queen: To lose my brother was one thing, but to have my BI insulted like this is awful!)
Kanna: Queen, I’m sorry. Maybe if I had been less reluctant to join in the BI, this wouldn’t have happened.
Queen: The only lover I ever wanted was Rook. We spent so many years perfecting our twincest, and now he is gone!
Kanna: You may think you have problems, but I have a tragic back story too! All my life, women have betrayed me- even the Queen herself has abandoned me now. Is it any wonder that I cannot trust BI?
Queen: Then let me show you how good BI can be.
Queen and Kanna give in to their desires, and have BI. The next day, they are re-energised, and so Kanna has Hyper Self Pleasure and Queen tries CRATE.
(Queen: I thought my sex drive died with Rook, but now I can’t get enough of it!)
On deck, Bishop and Knight also try Hyper Self Pleasure.
Knight: I guess this is all we have left now- certainly it won’t be easy to find any new partners.
Bishop: I’m ready to combine our skills for a closed BI session.
Kanna: I too have recently discovered the joys of BI- let’s go and show Enomoto just how skilled at Pleasure we really are.
In town, Akidzuki overhears generics talking about the quality of Enomoto’s BI.
Generic: I don’t care what they say- Enomoto’s Ezo and Kakunojo’s Sword are all you need for the ultimate BI!
(Akidzuki: What’s happening? Is there no one left who appreciates HARD GAY with a decent Liang?)
Two generic soldiers walk past.
Generic: Hey, I picked up this personal ad- it seems some guy called Akidzuki is looking for a partner.
Generic #2: Everyone wants a partner these days- it’s so exhausting.
Outside the city, Akidzuki finds himself consumed by HARD GAY aura.
(Akidzuki: I must find a partner now!)
Meanwhile, Soutetsu and Enomoto are having a meeting when Hijikata arrives.
Hijikata: Soutetsu, let’s not beat around the bush anymore. I want you, and I’m sick of the fact that you never show your Liang to me.
Enomoto: Perhaps the time has come to show it to you, then.
Soutetsu: Indeed, although I prefer not to do it here. Let’s go to my special bedchamber.
Soutetsu pulls back the rug and opens a hidden trapdoor. The three men go downstairs.
(Hijikata: This is it! The Pleasure I have been waiting for!)
They reach an underground chamber, with a raised platform.
Hijikata: What is this?
Soutetsu: Our bed, of course.
Hijikata: Will Enomoto be joining us, or is he just going to stare like he always does?
Enomoto becomes infused with the power of the Lord’s Head.
Enomoto: Are you saying that I’m afraid to get my Ezo out?
Soutetsu: Enomoto may only have an Ezo, but he also possesses the Lord’s Head- a powerful aphrodisiac. I can assure you that his Pleasure will be almost as good as my own. Now come, let us begin the session.
Hijikata: Ridiculous! Aphrodisiacs are no match for a decent-sized Liang! I’m not going to have BI with a small man!
Enomoto: We shall have BI!
Soutetsu rips the bed cover off.
Enomoto: Now everyone, get in!
When Hijikata still doesn’t move, Enomoto pushes the bed into the floor.
Hijikata: This is…
Soutetsu: That’s right- now the whole chamber is our bed!
Suddenly, Queen appears to give the men arrow.
Queen: You can’t call it BI unless there’s a woman involved!
Hijikata: Stay out of this! I’m trying to seduce Soutetsu!
Soutetsu: I will only consider you worthy if you first demonstrate your skill against this woman.
(Hijikata: Damn him- now I have no choice but to have BI with her.)
Hijikata gets his Sword out, only for Bishop to appear and give him Grenade, followed by Knight.
Knight: My Sword has been released from its duty- now I can sleep with whoever I want!
(Hijikata: Oh well, at least he’s a man- and he has two Swords!)
Hijikata and Knight begin having Sword. Their HARD GAY is so intense that the screen flashes red, breaking Knight’s Sword and taking his life.
(Hijikata: Damn, he wasn’t ready for the intensity of my desires.)
Soutetsu: Well done- you might be worthy of my bed after all.
Meanwhile, Bishop tries to have Grenade with Soutetsu.
Soutetsu: I am not interested in such inelegant Pleasure.
Soutetsu dodges and gives Bishop Sword from behind.
Soutetsu: Convenient Switch #1, on!
Soutetsu treads on a switch, causing the bed to rise up into the sky, with Bishop on top.
Soutetsu: Stay there, boy, and I’ll teach you a thing or two about real Pleasure!
Bishop: No way, you sadist!
Bishop jumps off.
Soutetsu: Did someone mention sadism? Convenient Switch #2, on!
A chain appears from nowhere and loops around Bishop’s neck, strangling him as he falls. He gets a Dagger out.
Soutetsu: My, my, what an unimpressive Dagger- I think our little session will have to come to an end. Convenient Switch #3, on!
The chain is pulled back up to wherever it came from, taking Bishop with it.
Whilst Enomoto continues to stare, Kanna confronts him.
Kanna: This is it, Enomoto! I’ve recently mastered BI, and I’ve come to show you how good my Pleasure can be!
Enomoto: Really? You’re welcome to take me- if you can.
Kanna tries to give Enomoto Pistol, but Enomoto’s BI aura deflects it into the wall.
Enomoto: Hmm, it seems you are too weak to penetrate me. How disappointing.
Kanna continues to try Pistol, but it keeps being deflected. Next, Queen tries Crossbow.
Queen: My years of BI experience must count for something!
Sadly, her Crossbow is also destined to miss.
Hijikata: Kanna’s over there! I must taste his Pistol for myself.
Soutetsu: Stay here with me and watch Enomoto’s mastery of advanced BI techniques- you might even learn something.
Enomoto: Flash Steps!
Enomoto continues to dodge Queen’s Crossbow whilst approaching Kanna.
Enomoto: That woman is going to dump you, you know. Be it HARD GAY or BI, you’ve always had poor choice in partners.
Queen’s Crossbow breaks, and she runs away.
Enomoto: You see? She doesn’t want you- she doesn’t think you’re good enough! Why don’t you show her just how good your BI really is?
Kanna: Yes…I must…
Hypnotised by Enomoto’s word, Kanna gives Queen fatal Pistol before coming to his senses.
Kanna: What have I done? I killed a meganekko!
(Hijikata: Look at him getting so emotional over a woman.)
Enomoto: Activate previously nonexistent elevator!
Enomoto flips a switch, and the floor under the survivors’ feet rises up, taking them to ground level. Kakunojo, still dressed as the Spirit of BI, approaches Kanna.
Kakunojo: Kanna, you have had some bad experiences with BI, but I can show you how wonderful it can be. Look, I even have a Sword.
Kanna: Mistress, I’ll do anything you say!
(Hijikata: What is this? Even Kanna has wholeheartedly turned BI!)
Enomoto gives Hijikata an Evil Stare.
(Enomoto: You cannot escape BI now, Hijikata, and as soon as night falls, I plan to give you a good taste of my Ezo!)
Later, Hijikata approaches Akidzuki.
Hijikata: Akidzuki, it may be too late for HARD GAY- BI has become too powerful.
(Akidzuki: I will never accept that!)
To be continued…