Winter continues to be dull, and so I shall spice up today with Anton’s guide to making money. The key to big profits can be summarised with three procedures- pineapples in the summer, sweet potatoes in the autumn, and mining all year round. Once your farm is established, however, money effectively generates itself, with hothouse pineapples and cheese proving to be massive earners. Your early days will be spent in poverty, but give it a year or so and the cash will truly be rolling in.
As I went about my tasks today, I realised that my new routine of going to bed less than an hour after I get up means that, to my eternal chagrin, I completely forgot to acknowledge our wedding anniversary yesterday! I tried talking to Popuri to see if she was upset about this, but she just talked about Tony as usual- this means that either she doesn’t care, or she is so upset that she is waiting for me to be the first one to bring up the subject. Even having four affairs can surely not compare to the grievous sin of forgetting one’s own wedding anniversary.
This morning I gave Popuri a bouquet of Pink Cat flowers by way of apology for forgetting our wedding anniversary. She still has not touched on that point, but she seemed happy enough to accept the flowers, and so I must assume she has forgiven me for now. Just in case, however, I shall make an extra effort on our next anniversary, not to mention her and Tony’s birthdays.
It was snowing today, and so what better time to present Anton’s guide to weather? When you first arrive in Mineral Town, you are a puny weakling barely able to work on the sunniest of days, and so rainy and snowy days are a nightmare until you gain Kappa’s mystic berry and the resistance it gives (I recommend doing in this first year, and not waiting until the second as I did, or your first winter will be a hell of exhaustion and fainting). Blizzards and hurricanes are even more troublesome, but after my first year here, I have not suffered them- could it be that a kindly god is looking after me and keeping the weather less extreme?
As winter drags on, today I must write Anton’s guide to fishing. Fishing can only be said to be tedious and difficult, and the reward for doing well at it is nothing more than a fishing pole so that you can fish some more. Even so, much as may try to avoid it, eventually your life will reach the stage where fishing actually becomes attractive, at which point you will cast your rod and try to catch something. Expect to waste many hours waiting for a tug on the line, and for much of what you catch to be simple junk. There are, however, legendary fish to go after, although I have never actively pursued these, and am not planning to start in the near future.
In today’s Anton’s guide, I shall talk about one of the more useless aspects of the farm, namely its dog. For much of the year, the dog does little to nothing of worth- and for some reason you cannot even make it use its doghouse (I recommend placing it in the barn instead if you wish to keep it out of the rain). The only time it can shine is in the winter dog race, and if you wish to achieve victory in that, you must train it assiduously with the dog ball. Whatever you do, do not lose the dog ball within a day of having it as I did.
Today on Anton’s guide, I must discuss my good friend the horse. Although you must spend a year raising him (and if you don’t do a good enough job, Barley will take him away), it is time well spent, as once he is fully grown, you can ride him around the farm and train him for the spring horse. Sadly, he seems disinclined to leave the farm, which is a shame as he could make trips to town and Mother’s Hill that much more swift and efficient.
Winter continues apace with another Anton’s guide, this one about Harvest Sprites. Many will try to convince you that Harvest Sprites are a good alternative to working on the farm, but trust me, they are not all they are cracked up to be. Not only can they not feed the chickens or talk to the animals as they should, but even simple watering and harvesting takes them all day, to the point where you can either spend three hours doing it yourself, or twelve hours hovering over the harvest sprites, wondering if they will get the job done by the end of the day.
It was the Starry Night Festival today, and so I was forced to nap outside for nearly half the day whilst waiting for Popuri to make all the preparations for the evening celebration. As always, she cooked the same meal, before we went up Mother’s Hill to watch the stars- predictably, Popuri said the exact same thing as on the last two occasions. Nothing will ever change in this repetitive town.
Despite having stayed up all night, my many days of sleep meant that I was well able to cope with one night of deprivation, and so I set about my tasks as usual come the morning. In Anton’s guides, I must cover the hothouse today- when you first get it, you will find it small, crappy and most disappointing, but in time you will come to accept it as it is. Suggested uses include growing flowers for the girls or crops for cooking, but for those looking for quick and easy profits, I suggest filling it up with pineapples or sweet potatoes.
The latest Anton’s guide shall cover cooking, a skill with which I have gradually become more experienced over these last couple of years. Without a recipe, you are doomed to food fiascos, but with them, there is an actual chance that you can produce something of merit. Start simple, with boiled eggs and hot milk, until you gain the confidence to tackle complex dishes like cookies and that accursed mixed latte.
In my final Anton’s Guide, I must cover lumber, that underrated force of the farm. Mostly it must be given to Gotz for building (don’t ever buying it when it is just lying around for free), but it can be useful for lighting fires and making fences. Sadly, these fences quickly rot and need constant rebuilding, but to me that just typifies the cruelness of this world.
Another dull winter day, and now I don’t even have any guides to write- just a little longer, Anton…
I must hold on; hang in there, Anton.
So excited was I about the end of the year and my trial phase that I didn’t even bother to tend to the animals today- instead I went up Mother’s Hill and slept until midnight whilst waiting for the Year End festival to start. As per usual, I talked with the attendees (the same old bunch) before watching the sun rise on a new day- and the beginning of my fourth year on the farm.
Spring Day 1
The mayor came over today to evaluate my farm and take me to Rose Square to see what the villagers thought of me. Everyone there was full of praise, and there was no talk of sending me away, and so I guess I have been properly accepted into the village to farm forever. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oddly, during the night I had a bizarre dream- in it, the television switched on and a mysterious voice told me that my entire existence is within a game, and were I ever to leave Mineral Town, I would cease to exist. According to the voice, I am but the latest in a long line of Antons, all bred to become the perfect farmer. It seems there is no escape for my family and I…