Romeo X Juliet parody episode 1

One appropriately dramatic night, Montague and his people attack the Capulets and slaughter them.

Capulet: Damn you, Montague- how could you do such a thing?

Montague: Gwakaka- it is all part of my plan to become the main villain of this series!

Young Juliet and Cordelia are rescued by Conrad and his Pegasus, giving the girl her first taste of HORSE.

Fourteen years later, and Montague soldiers are menacing the populace.

Generic: Why are you doing this? We’ve done nothing wrong!

Soldier: Shut up! It’s our duty to make it look as if you live a life of oppression and misery!

Juliet: Activate Red Whirlwind Mode! Dramatic Entrance on!

Disguised as the freedom fighter ‘Red Whirlwind’, the teenaged Juliet makes her entrance and frees the bound generic.

Soldier: Enter Battle Mode! Attack!

Juliet: I do not fear you, for you are only Level Zero! Counter and Flee!

Soldier: Pursuit Mode on!

As the soldiers go after Juliet, shota Antonio joins the party.

Antonio: Delay Attack- Firecrackers!

The soldiers are temporarily slowed as they tread on firecrackers, but soon continue the pursuit. Antonio leaves the party, but Juliet picks up Cordelia as she runs through the market.

Cordelia: What’s the point of bringing me along too?

Juliet: It’s better to have two party members- that way one of us can use a Phoenix Down if the other gets KO’ed.

Juliet slashes at the pursuing soldiers before following Cordelia up some stone steps!

Soldier: They’re running up the steps- what should we do?

Soldier #2: Erm, let me think for a minute…that’s right- after them!

Watching from above, Romeo and his friend Benvolio spot the chase.

Romeo: Looks like it’s my time to have some HORSE, er, I mean enter the plot- see you later.

Benvolio: HORSE? What about HARD GAY with me?

It is too late, for Romeo has already rushed off to get on his HORSE. He reaches Juliet and Cordelia just as they encounter a dead end, and catches Juliet as the brickwork crumbles beneath her.

Romeo: Here, let me show you the wonders of HORSE.

Benvolio arrives on his own HORSE to pick up Cordelia.

Benvolio: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, I always say.

The HORSES land some way off, and Juliet dismounts straightaway.

Romeo: Hey, what’s with you? Wasn’t that HORSE good enough for you?

Juliet: I hate you nobles, flaunting your HORSE without a second thought! Some of us can’t have it regularly, you know!

Romeo and Benvolio take off for more HORSE as Antonio somehow appears.

Cordelia: What were you doing, taking on those soldiers? You’re only Level One, you know!

Juliet: And how am I going to level up if I don’t fight?

Cordelia: You don’t need to level up- you have main character Destiny permanently switched on. Anyway, let’s go home.

Antonio: Those HORSES were cool, weren’t they? I wish I could have had a ‘ride’.

Juliet: HORSE isn’t for children.

Juliet and the others return to their home at the playhouse, currently showing “Otello”- a version of Othello in which all instances of the letter h have been omitted.

They go inside and see Shakespeare watching a performance- as per all her public appearances, Juliet remains dressed as a boy named Odin.

Shakespeare: No one understands my brilliance- I deserve more than randomly appearing in this loose adaptation of my own play.

Juliet: I don’t know what you’re complaining about- you even got to appear in Doctor Who this season.

Shakespeare: Ah, Odin, what a fine young man you have become. How would you like to share my bed whilst I wait for Antonio to mature?

They continue on upstairs, where Conrad, Curio and Francisco are waiting.

Conrad: How dare you go out and leave me alone here? I need screen time too, you know!

Juliet: Flee mode on!

Juliet goes to her room.

Juliet: Activate Impossible Hair!

Cordelia removes Juliet’s wig to reveal masses of long hair somehow stuffed under it.

Juliet: That HORSE earlier reminded me of something- almost as if I had had it before sometime.

Cordelia: For some reason I cannot explain anything until your sixteenth birthday, and so you will have to wait until tomorrow, lest any premature revelations spoil the plot.

At the keep, Montague watches HORSE racing whilst sipping wine evilly. Mercutio approaches.

Montague: Where is Romeo? I want HARD GAY with him.

Mercutio: Uh, sir, if that’s your desire, then I could service you-

Romeo arrives.

Romeo: What do you want, Father?

Montague: You’ve been out having HORSE again, haven’t you?

Romeo: I believe bonding with my HORSE is important for my personal growth.

Montague: Foolish boy; HARD GAY is the way of a true leader- HARD GAY and whipping.

Lady Hermione approaches.

(Montague: If the boy doesn’t want HARD GAY, let’s punish him with STRAIGHT!)

Montague: Hermione, I would like you to propose to Romeo tonight. Romeo, look after your fiancée, will you?

Romeo leads Hermione away, but he cannot help but be distracted by the HORSES visible outside the window.

(Romeo: Who needs men or women when a HORSE can service all one’s needs?)

That evening, Romeo is getting ready for a ball when Benvolio arrives.

Benvolio: So, I see that you’re sampling the STRAIGHT scene now. Being popular with the ladies must make it harder to indulge in HARD GAY.

Romeo: To be honest, I’m not really into women.

Meanwhile, Emilia, an actress at the playhouse, also wants to go to the ball.

Emilia: Hey Odin, why don’t you come with me to the ball? It’s supposed to be nobles only, but by wearing small masks that cover part of our faces, we can slip in undetected. You’ll have to dress as a woman, though- if you go as a man I won’t get any offers of STRAIGHT.

(Juliet: So I’ll be a girl pretending to be a boy dressing as a girl- sometimes even I can’t remember what gender I am.)

Juliet dresses for the ball.

Emilia: Wow, that wig is just perfect on you! And you’ve even gone to the trouble of putting in breast pads- I guess you’re more into this scene than I thought.

(Juliet: Why do I have to dress as a boy anyway? No one’s ever bothered to explain it to me- I actually thought it was normal for years!)

Whilst Emilia goes to put on a hat, her escort arrives and mistakenly takes Juliet to the ball.

(Juliet: These small masks are really something!)

Juliet goes to the ball, but when she realises the keep seems familiar, she runs outside. Romeo approaches, and a Destined Look of Instant Love passes between them.

To be continued…

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4 Responses to Romeo X Juliet parody episode 1

  1. Hinano says:

    Although I admit I like your parodies where you have screenshots with subtitles and then your quotes under them XD Like what you did for Busou Renkin

  2. Karura says:

    BR is a hard act to follow, I think they made the show just so it could be parodied…new ‘screenshot parodies’ will be back sometime in the future though.

  3. sam says:

    what anime is that?

  4. alice says:

    LOL, “If no one holds the reigns or wields the whip, a Pegasus would simply fly in the direction it faces,” becomes “Foolish boy, HARD GAY is the way of a true leader, HARD GAY and whipping!”

    I love all this distortion of actual things the characters say.

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