Romeo X Juliet parody episode 8

Romeo and Juliet conclude their STRAIGHT.

Romeo: Impractical as it would be, I don’t want to ever let you go again.

Juliet: This love can never be…HORSE would always come between us.

Romeo: We must at least give it a try, or calling this show Romeo X Juliet becomes pointless.

The next day, Juliet-Odin and Antonio practise swordplay. By giving it her all, Juliet is just able to defeat Level Two Antonio.

Juliet: Wow, I can defeat a little boy in practise- I really am progressing quickly!

Cordelia: But look at you- your HP is down to 5!

Meanwhile, Benvolio is taken to live with Curio.

Curio: What’s this? Do you really think I want HARD GAY with the likes of him?

Francisco: Oh, come on- he’s so cute!

Curio: Then why don’t you take him?

Francisco: Now, now- where am I supposed to take my one night stands home to if I have a live-in lover?

Benvolio: Curio, I’ll do anything- bondage, outfits, you name it…

Curio: Have you done anything like that before?

Benvolio: Well, no, but I thought I could learn as I went along.

Curio sighs and goes outside with Francisco.

Curio: What exactly are you playing at here? Do you think I’m so desperate for HARD GAY that I need you to play matchmaker?

Francisco: Well, quite frankly, yes.

At the Keep, Romeo is reprimanded by his father.

Montague: Son, you were supposed to give me HARD GAY last night. How many times do you think you can get away with letting me down like this?

Romeo: I’m sorry, Father, but I was having HORSE and I lost track of the time.

Montague: In that case, we must get rid of that HORSE immediately!

(Romeo: He can’t! I may have gone off HORSE lately, but to have it forcibly taken away…)

Hermione enters.

Hermione: Excuse me, I was just eavesdropping in the hopes of getting some screen time. All my life I have longed for HORSE, so please don’t get rid of it!

Montague: Since I feel sorry for you and your lack of screen time, I will let the HORSE stay; however, Romeo must service me next time I request it.

Romeo and Hermione leave and go out onto the balcony.

Romeo: I’m sorry for kissing someone else whilst you were waiting for me last night.

Hermione: That’s all right- I bet you were just off having HARD GAY with Benvolio, right?

Romeo: Actually, no- it was STRAIGHT with a woman.

Hermione: Oh….oh well, no matter, who needs screen time anyway? I’ll just go and apply for a role in another series…

Hermione starts crying and runs off. Romeo goes inside, only to run into Mercutio.

Mercutio: Hey, Romeo, what can you do to help a guy who needs screen time? Could you maybe come over and do some plot related stuff with me sometime?

Romeo: Sorry, but I need to be alone right now.

(Mercutio: Damn, what does a supporting character have to do to get on screen these days?)

Meanwhile, Juliet visits Conrad.

Juliet: Conrad, I need a quick and easy way to power up my stats. Can you give me my father’s sword?

Conrad: Of course.

Juliet receives Special Weapon Capulet Sword.

Juliet: Now I have nothing to fear from any straw training dummies that try to attack me!

After receiving a letter from Benvolio, Romeo goes out to meet his friend.

Benvolio: Oh, hello, Romeo- I’m supposed to be keeping a low profile these days, which is why I sent a letter directly to you at the Keep and am now meeting you out in the open.

Romeo: Low profile?

Benvolio: Well, although you probably haven’t noticed yet, your father is evil and tried to have my family assassinated. Don’t worry, though- I’m living with a new HARD GAY partner now. I just didn’t want you to forget about restoring me to the lap of luxury as soon as you become Grand Duke.

Meanwhile, Juliet is indulging in Angst Mode in town when Tybalt approaches.

Tybalt: Juliet, people are getting tired of watching you angst. Come with me so that the viewers can feast their eyes on my good looks instead.

Whilst Romeo eases his worries with HORSE, Juliet follows Tybalt.

Tybalt: So anyway, as I was saying- I am smart, good-looking, and pretty much anything anyone could ever want in a man. I even have numerous hooded informants lurking conspicuously in doorways and on rooftops.

Juliet: Sorry, but I can’t say I’m impressed.

Tybalt: Oh, and did I mention how skilled my HORSE is?

(Juliet: It can’t hurt just to try the HORSE.)

Tybalt and Juliet ‘ride’ the HORSE to a HARD GAY bar.

Juliet: What’s this?

Tybalt: A place where generic men can have Knife with each other. We also practise our skills against deadly foes such as portraits. Here, give it a try.

Juliet throws a knife at the Montague crest, whilst Tybalt launches a few at a picture of Montague.

Tybalt: Yes, only by destroying paintings can we help to keep the city safe.

Elsewhere, Benvolio waits up until Curio comes home.

Curio: Eh, what are you still doing up?

Benvolio: Well, I er, thought we could have-

Curio: I’m not in the mood tonight- go to sleep.

Whilst Romeo has yet more HORSE, Tybalt takes Juliet to the church of the generically evil priest.

Tybalt: This priest is evil- you can get some easy EXP by defeating him.

Juliet goes inside and initiates battle.

Priest: Please don’t hurt me!

Juliet: Damn, he looks too strong to defeat. End battle!

Priest: Gwakaka, Dagger Attack!

Tybalt joins the party and defeats the priest. He and Juliet go outside, where Juliet starts crying.

Tybalt: Do you really want to stay Level One forever?

Juliet: I’m too pure-hearted to kill people!

Tybalt comforts Juliet.

(Tybalt: I must steal the title of main character from her! She is not worthy!)

Flying past on his HORSE, Romeo sees Juliet in Tybalt’s arms.

(Romeo: Who is that man? His good looks have rekindled my interest in HARD GAY, and his HORSE is to die for! How dare you have him all to yourself, Juliet?)

To be continued…