Romeo X Juliet parody episode 9

Romeo angsts at home.

(Romeo: My name is in the series title, but this other guy has every advantage over me! What if they ask me to step down as a main character?)

Meanwhile, Juliet is trying to hack off her hair with a sword.

Cordelia: Juliet, what are you doing? Can’t you use scissors like everyone else?

Juliet: If I cut my hair, I will cut away every part of me that is weak! I’m like a reverse Sampson!

Francisco arrives.

Francisco: No time for amateur haircuts, Juliet- we need to go.

In town, a noble named Camio visits Conrad.

Conrad: Camio, you came! Now we can have great HARD GAY!

Camio: I was so surprised when you contacted me- it’s been ten years since our last encounter.

Conrad: Let’s just say I haven’t been getting it very often lately, so I invited everyone I know to a group session. Come on, let’s go straight to the bedroom.

Conrad takes Camio inside, where generics greet him.

Generic: This is great- another man for the group session!

Conrad: I even invited my grandson Antonio.

Camio: Ooh- a shota!

Juliet arrives.

Generic: Juliet is here! We can have BI!

Juliet dramatically removes her cloak.

Conrad: Look at that- so brave, so valiant! No cloak will ever stand in her way!

The men cheer and raise their Swords.

Conrad: From now on, we will meet here for special BI and HARD GAY sessions, Capulet Style!

At a Verona Keep garden party, Hermione sees Romeo sitting alone in Angst Mode.

(Hermione: Oh, Romeo, why did you have to find another girl to steal my screen time.)

(Mercutio: There’s no point angsting about it, Hermione dear; we supporting characters must seize every moment we can!)

Mercutio approaches Romeo.

Mercutio: It must be so great giving HARD GAY to your father, right? Mine is so disappointing- I could really use a new partner.

Romeo: I’m going back to my room- alone.

(Mercutio: Damn you, Romeo! You’ll pay for this slight when I get my own series!)

After the group BI, Camio leaves.

Camio: That was a good session- I’ll be sure to return another time.

Generic: Once we get more nobles involved, the quality of Pleasure will surely improve a hundredfold.

Juliet: Let’s get back inside and start planning for the future at once!

Francisco: No, no- it’s only episode nine, we shouldn’t go so fast.

Montague goes underground to visit Escalus and its ‘gardener’ Ophelia.

Montague: Why is it that grapes still grow on this earth? They are an affront to nature.

Ophelia: You must accept that grapes are part of the natural order of things- without them, the ecosystem would collapse.

Meanwhile, Juliet, Curio and Francisco leave the BI session and return home.

Juliet: Why are we going? I thought it was going to be an all-night session.

Francisco: Your Sword skills are lamentably poor; you could never keep up with an all-night session, even one involving generics.

Later, Curio and Francisco talk to Conrad.

Conrad: I’ve had a tip-off from Camio, who is named, and thus trustworthy.

Francisco: Really? He seems rather suspicious to me.

Conrad: Silence! His HARD GAY is solid- I cannot afford to lose him as a partner. He says Montague is going out beyond the city walls with minimal guard, and I have no reason to believe otherwise.

Juliet enters.

Juliet: We need a mission in order to further the plot, and so we must accept this one regardless.

At the anti-Montague tavern, Francisco meets up with Tybalt.

Francisco: Tybalt, we need someone high level in our party- will you join up?

Tybalt: Maybe- but only as a guest character.

At their base, Conrad and his team wait for Curio and Francisco to return. Curio is the first to show up.

Curio: Sorry I’m late, it took a while to gather this comprehensive weapons store of three swords.

Francisco appears.

Conrad: You’re late- I hope you weren’t having HARD GAY.

(Francisco: With Tybalt, how could I resist?)

As the party prepares to move out, the enemy makes a Pre-Emptive Attack with Smoke Bombs.

Francisco: Named character- enter Escape Mode and let the generics die for us!

Conrad: How could this have happened? Camio couldn’t possibly have betrayed us!

Camio: Gwakaka, Conrad- I betrayed you in order to make my character more memorable!

A battle begins between soldiers and Capulet generics. Conrad takes 50 HP damage from a sword graze.

Juliet: Conrad, are you okay?

Conrad: Get out of here- you are no match for these level two generic soldiers!

Juliet: No- I must fight and gain EXP!

Juliet blocks an arrow before killing a soldier who has only 1 HP left.

(Juliet: What is this feeling? Is this what they call levelling up?)

Francisco: Juliet, your HP is in the red again! Here, I’ll unlock Sewer Entrance- go down there, and Tybalt will join as a guest character. Until then, Level Three Antonio will be in your party.

Juliet and Antonio proceed to the Sewer map. Meanwhile, Montague and Ophelia visit Escalus’ dying roots.

Ophelia: This is what comes of killing so many grapes.

To be continued…

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1 Response to Romeo X Juliet parody episode 9

  1. alice says:

    Conrad: From now on we will meet here for special BI and HARD GAY sessions….


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