Romeo X Juliet parody episode 12

Romeo and Juliet encounter an abandoned village.

Juliet: Looks like this village hasn’t been populated with NPCs yet- we should rest and hope that there are no events to trigger.

Romeo and Juliet enter a house.

Romeo: I’m sorry it’s so sparse in here- the interior designers haven’t even finished this place.

Juliet: I don’t mind; it has a bed for STRAIGHT- what more do we need?

They prepare the bed, and have STRAIGHT.

Romeo: Was that good for you?

Juliet: It’s the best I’ve had in a long time.

The next day, Romeo searches for food in the empty fields outside.

Romeo: How strange- this bare earth is completely devoid of food. Didn’t they think to provide for passing main characters?

Juliet: Look harder, Romeo- there are potatoes everywhere.

Romeo: These are potatoes? I’m only familiar with fruit.

The couple continue into the forest to get water.

Juliet: This is quite boring, isn’t it? I think I hear the voice of the director telling me to continue onwards and trigger a cut scene.

They make their way to some ruins, where an old man waits.

Old Man: I am a random old man who muscled my way into this series! The end of the world is near!

Juliet: Oh, there’s always someone saying that- let’s go back and concentrate on our STRAIGHT!

Back in Neo Verona, generic soldiers of evil continue to menace the populace, including a fruit and vegetable seller.

Soldier: Are you harbouring grapes here? You know the penalty if even a single one is found in your possession.

Merchant: I would never dream of dealing in grapes- just please don’t harm my lettuces!

A soldier reports to Montague.

Soldier: Sir, we have yet to pinpoint the source of the grapes.

Montague: You must track them down! I cannot permit them to keep growing like this!

Outside, Hermione is in Angst Mode when Mercutio approaches.

Mercutio: Romeo is a terrible man, isn’t he- depriving us both of screen time like this.

Hermione: It isn’t Romeo’s fault- it’s that hussy Juliet!

Back in the village, Romeo and Juliet have returned to the house.

Romeo: Hey Juliet, let’s live here forever in this abandoned village with minimal resources.

Juliet: Sounds good to me- now let’s tuck into a dinner of charred potatoes.

Romeo hears something outside and goes to investigate.

Romeo: Actually, that random old man seems to have left us food for some reason- he must know we’re main characters.

Meanwhile, evil minion Tubal and his underlings begin searching the countryside for Romeo.

Tubal: Menace the villagers! Burn their houses to the ground in the name of pointless destruction!

Romeo and Juliet watch the destruction from beyond the soldiers’ attack range.

Romeo: I cannot let these generic houses get burned- I shall turn myself in.

Juliet: Romeo, how can you think of abandoning our STRAIGHT? Let’s use our main character immunity to rescue the villagers and then escape!

Romeo: I know the audience likes watching our peaceful days, but our levels are too low to even rescue one village from Level Three soldiers!

Juliet: Nonsense- if we don cloaks we will surely be able to do it.

Romeo and Juliet put on cloaks that they somehow pulled out of nowhere and initiate attack mode. Sadly, their wooden rods are no match for trained soldiers with swords, spears and shields, and they are soon captured.

Tubal: Kill these generics, for they cannot be important.

Romeo: I am no generic- I am Romeo! Now run away, Juliet, then level up and save me!

Juliet: I can’t be bothered to level up! Capture me too! Romeo!


To be continued…

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