The other day, I learned something which changed everything I once knew and held to be true. What was this profound truth, you might ask? Well, by using first person mode in the original .hack games, my sister and I have been able to look inside grunties, and they have been discovered to be hollow. What sort of life can we lead now that we know that grunties are mere frames with sheets stretched over them?
Useless Gaming FAQ Advice
Picture the scene- you’re so hideously stuck on a game that you just have to refer to a FAQ (or you’re just lazy), but instead of the detailed strategies you were hoping for, there is a statement so blatantly obvious it need never have been written in the first place. Here are some examples of the sort of frustratingly useless gaming advice you wish you’d never read.
- In this battle, what you need to do is beat the boss if you want to win.
- If your hero is at level 99, this battle will be easier than it would have been at level 50.
- If you’ve completed every optional quest and spent eighty hours levelling up, this battle will be easy; otherwise it will be impossible. Good luck.
- In order to defeat this enemy, just keeping attacking it until its HP reaches zero.
- This battle is very difficult, but if you keep trying, you will eventually win.
- If you get game over, you will have to reload and try again.
Final Fantasy Tactics: A remake for the 21st century
As you may or may not know, there is now a PSP remake of Final Fantasy Tactics featuring various tweaks for the gameplay and character, but let’s ignore that and imagine how we could remake the enjoyable yet often hard FFT into something more suited for the “dumbed down” modern gamer.
- Increase party limit from five to fifteen, with the ability to switch characters in and out of battle at will or if a character dies. The maximum number of recruitable characters is now 99.
- When attacked, your characters have a 100% chance of dodging the attacking and countering with a deathblow.
- Skills are easier to learn, and everyone can have simultaneous access to every skill.
- Enemies never counterattack, and whilst they are affected by terrain, all of your characters are immune to such hindrances.
- There is no longer a time delay when allies cast magic, but enemies take at least ten turns to cast.
- Auto-Life, Auto-Regen and Auto-Reflect are switched on for every boss battle.
- New characters start at the same level as the main character, regardless of when they are recruited.
- Enemy levels scale with yours, so that they are always twenty levels below you.
- Shops give away items for free.
- If your party is wiped out, they are immediately revived, whilst the enemy units take damage equal to the HP used to revive them.
Mobile Suit Gundam
Someone has a rather large ego.
“Damn him! Now I might actually have to do something!”
(“I can’t believe they’ve replaced the bartender with a guy on a screen- talk about cost cutting.”)
“Everyone, let’s play Yu-Gi-Oh!”
“Don’t you think that’s going a bit overboard?”
“…and I know it!”
“We totally didn’t borrow this design from Star Trek.”
“It’s not supposed to break down- I’m the main character!”
Someone forgot to draw in the pupils…
…but with a bit of editing, it’s all better.
Random Thoughts: Zhuge Liang
This week we talk to Zhuge Liang, historical figure and star of both the ROTK anime and Koutetsu Sangokushi! Zhuge, would you like to talk a bit about your roles in both series?
Well, in ROTK I didn’t come in until later, but that was just to stop viewers from being overcome by my awesomeness. Once I started taking an active role, ratings really soared- and for good reason. All-in-all, I’m glad we were able to bring viewers such a historically accurate account of the Three Kingdoms era.
In Koutetsu, we’re trying to do something a bit different, with emphasis on my superiority, greatness and inexplicable magical powers. Basically, the idea behind the series is just to hire as many good looking men for me to sleep with as possible, and then ad-lib a script whenever we’re filming.
Is it true that you’re all-knowing, or are you just putting it on for the cameras?
How dare you even ask such a thing!? Of course I am all knowing- I am Zhuge Liang, son of God!
Out of your many partners, who is best in the bedroom?
It’s so hard to choose- I mean you’ve got Lu Xun’s youthful and innocent vigour, which is nice, but then there are times when you just want Pleasure with an experienced lover like Zhou Yu who knows exactly how to give you what you want.
How do you justify the complete lack of women in Koutetsu Sangokushi?
Women are unimportant- I only desire MEN.
And finally, how do you feel about your name now being as a synonym for “Huge Wang”?
It seems appropriate, given my mighty size. Would you like to see it?
Uh, I think I’ll pass.
This Week in Anime
Even though it’s meant to be Yeager, from certain angles it looks like Kevin Keegan.
The Pizza Hut invasion continues in Darker than Black.
Mao certainly seems to be getting fat on Pizza Hut.
Fruit is never far from the action.
Some people will do anything for sweet, sweet peaches.
Grapes infiltrate the Great Refrigerator.
HARD GAY corner: Lodoss War TV
On his continuing quest for HARD GAY, Parn hones his Sword skills and takes on lovers both old and new, from King Kashue and the well-endowed Ashram, to “berserker in the bedroom” Orson and “master of Staff” Cecil. Meanwhile, in the land of Flaim, a young knight-in-training named Spark practises HARD GAY from a young age, eventually growing up enough to be able to take partners such as “rough and ready” Garrack and “quietly Zhuge” Aldonova. In a surprise turn of events, however, Spark heralds the emergence of a new era by turning BI and also including women in his party, forcing Parn to return to the story and show the young man that Sword is always best.
OST spotlight: Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex OST 2
Yoko Kanno showcases her talent at jazz composition in this soundtrack, my favourite of all the SAC OSTs to be released so far. Whilst not every track is on the mark (one in particular consists of what sounds like bees buzzing an anthem), when the powerful strains of origa’s Rise or one of the many other powerful vocal themes are reached, all weaknesses can be forgiven.
Notable tracks: Rise, I Can’t Be Cool, Psychedelic Soul, What’s it For, Living Inside the Shell
Mini-rant: Scanlators and e-Liangs
Inspired by this post, I decided to construct a self-serving rant of my own about the difficulty of “acquiring” manga from certain scanlation groups. Now, perhaps I should become less lazy and get on with improving my Japanese to a point where I can tackle the manga raw, maybe I should bow and scrape to the people who translate series I wouldn’t be able to read otherwise, but the real annoyance is- if you’ve gone to the trouble of releasing manga (presumably for fans to read), why make it so difficult to get hold of? I don’t mind going into IRC, or having to wait a few days- what I do mind is being asked to make n posts on a forum I have little to no interest in. If I wanted to post on your forums, I would be doing so already, and I don’t take kindly to being forced to do so.
In short, someone who is illegally scanning and translating manga doesn’t really have much ground with which to feel superior to the leechers they are doing it for- and if you aren’t doing it for said leechers, don’t bother to even advertise the fact that you’ve made such a release for everyone to see.
Reverse Harem of the week: Miaka Yuki (Fushigi Yugi)
When she went to another world, she was quick to amass bishounen to protect her, with her chirpy personality proving oddly attractive to them all.
Tamahome: The main guy and one she eventually ends up, their relationship went through a lot of angst before finally overcoming even the plot.
Hotohori: The emperor and second man, Hotohori adored Miaka and even challenged Tamahome for her, but eventually settled for an offscreen role with an abruptly introduced wife.
Nuriko: A cross-dresser who developed a crush on Hotohori, he nonetheless eventually admitted that the male part of his personality loved Miaka, causing him to make the ultimate sacrifice for her.
Chichiri: A priest and magic user with a dark past; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.
Tasuki: A hot-headed bandit who claimed to hate women until his hidden feelings for her were exposed by an enemy spell.
Mitsukake: A quiet doctor who lost his beloved in a plague; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.
Chiriko: A genius shota; not romantically attracted to Miaka but still one of her destined bishounen.
Amiboshi: A member of the enemy sent to infiltrate the destined bishounen; later in the story he wants Miaka to drop out of the plot and live with him forever.
Yui: Miaka’s best friend turned rival and enemy, she tries to steal Tamahome from her at one point in the plot.
Suboshi: His devotion to both Yui and his brother caused him to violently attack and pursue Miaka.
Soi: Her love for Nakago made her jealous when he revealed his plan to steal Miaka’s virginity
Tomo: See above.
Nakago: He became determined to steal away everything important to Miaka, from her boyfriend to her virginity.
Amusing Search Terms
Old favourite: you toube sex
fat cats: yay, somewhere out there is another supporter of flabby felines.
suikoden nude: a naked disc, bereft of packaging.
O AND I CANT DIE I HAVE AZURE INSIDE OF: this makes no sense whatsoever.
Marimite Hard Panda: The correct terminology is not Hard Panda, but merely PANDA.
“my bikini”: Coming soon from the folks at Sunrise- Mai-Bikini, a tale of fanservice and swimsuit episodes.
hentai rumble: School Rumble, 18+ version.
Happy Sangokushi: Don’t worry, be happy.
manga bleach guys action pictures: When has this blog ever covered Bleach?
Suikoden Hentai Free: Some people just never want to pay.
romeo x juliet only 19 episodes?: Then why are episodes 20-21 up at Random Curiosity?
fat stay night: Not to be confused with Fate/Stay Night, Fat Stay Night is the tale of seven obese people and their battle to lose weight.
papillion hard gay: Yep, he is.
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