Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 17

Lu Xun and Ling Tong approach Zhuge Liang’s hut.

Ling Tong: Aniki, are you sure you should go alone?

Lu Xun: Yes- I need to ask Zhuge Liang to bless our union.

Ling Tong: Can I actually count on you to come back? What if he seduces you into breaking up with me?

Lu Xun: I wish- er, I mean, wait here, and if I don’t get any better offers I’ll be back for you later.

Lu Xun goes to meet with Zhuge Liang.

Zhuge Liang: Ah, Lu Xun, I see you have made your decision to settle down with another man.

Lu Xun: Master, I do love you, but you toy so mercilessly with my feelings! You won’t even show me your mighty Sword.

Zhuge Liang: My Sword is not something men can gaze upon without feeling intense jealousy. All you can do is feel it through HARD GAY.

Lu Xun: All I want is for you to treat me as an equal in the bedroom!

Zhuge Liang: Foolish boy- no man can be my equal. That is why I must take up the Lord’s Cube, for only I can fully appreciate its HARD GAY power.

Lu Xun: Master, how can you say such things? I thought our cause was to bring HARD GAY to all of China!

Zhuge Liang: Most of China is composed of generics anyway- why should we named characters care about them? Let’s just have wild orgies together.

Lu Xun: No, I can’t do that- it’s not heroic enough! You’re not the man I thought you were!

Lu Xun leaves and vents his frustration by having WOOD in the forest. Ling Tong approaches.

Lu Xun: Ling Tong, I’m sorry- I don’t think I can marry you right now.

Later, Zhuge Liang contemplates the Lord’s Cube in Liu Bei’s garden.

Liu Bei: Aren’t flowers great? Once they cover this whole country, everyone will be so happy that they won’t feel any urge for Pleasure.

Zhuge Liang: I hate to say this, but men will always feel those urges.

Liu Bei: How sad. They should get in touch with their feminine side- like I have.

Elsewhere, Liu Bei’s generic soldiers confront some generic villagers.

Soldiers: We’re here to bring you peace and happiness by burning down your village and replacing it with flowers!

Villager: I know we’re only generics, but even we can spot the flaws in your plan.

Soldiers: Shut up! We don’t need you exposing the fact that we can only mindlessly follow orders!

The village is burned, and somehow magically within moments the place is turned into a flower garden. The soldiers enslave the generic villagers to water the flowers.

Meanwhile, back at Liu Bei’s palace, Guan Yu returns.

Guan Yu: I’m not feeling so good- I think my health bar is low.

Liu Bei: It’s just as well I saved this meat bun for you, then- as we know from Dynasty Warriors, they restore health.

Later, Zhuge Liang forces Guan Yu to restore his HARD GAY meter through a session with the Lord’s Sphere.

Zhuge Liang: Thank you, Guan Yu- that will be enough.

Zhang Fei: What are you doing to my Guan Yu?

Zhuge Liang: Just relieving my desires.

Zhang Fei: You’ve damaged his body with your rough HARD GAY!

Guan Yu: Quiet, Zhang Fei- it’s enough that I got to see his mighty weapon.

Zhuge Liang: Indeed, and in return for that privilege, I want you to go and kill Lu Xun. You probably won’t succeed, but the conflict should take up another couple of episodes. In the meantime, Zhang Fei, you can give me HARD GAY.

Zhang Fei: I have to admit I like the look of your backside, but I really need some screen time, so I’ll go and be the one to kill Lu Xun.

Zhuge Jin has been spying on this exchange.

(Zhuge Jin: This series makes no sense anymore!)

The next day, Ling Tong and Lu Xun are making their way back to Wu when Zhang Fei confronts them.

Zhang Fei: Zhang Fei is here! Listen, Lu Xun- Zhuge Liang will never give you HARD GAY! If you want the next best thing, come and meet me for a liaison in the foothills- but remember, if we can’t reach a suitable climax, I’ll get so frustrated that I’ll burn down a village with my Flaming Passion!

Zhang Fei somehow turns into a fireball and flies off. Meanwhile, Zhuge Jin confronts Zhuge Liang.

Zhuge Jin: Brother, I’ve been watching you, and I have to say that I never thought you’d stoop to such vulgar practices.

Zhuge Liang: The world is filled with men who will do anything for money; in fact, the purity of HARD GAY has become so corrupt that the only thing I can do is destroy the world.

Zhuge Jin: Ah, so you’re going to be the final boss, then.

Zhuge Liang: Indeed.

Meanwhile, Zhang Fei is in the midst of Flaming Passion. Ling Tong decides to face him, and somehow flies off to meet him.

Lu Xun: I’d like to help, but I feel a touch of Angst Mode coming on. Oh Master, why did you forsake me?

Ling Tong and Zhang Fei get caught up in intense HARD GAY, whilst Zhuge Jin and Zhuge Liang watch from afar.

Zhuge Jin: Brother, don’t sink to the level of a mere final boss! Come back with me, so that we can share each other’s bodies as we used to!

Meanwhile, the HARD GAY face-off continues.

Zhang Fei: You’re not bad, boy, but as a supporting Ranger, you can’t hope to win without your leader. Final Attack!

Lu Xun appears from nowhere to block the blow. Shortly after, Guan Yu joins the battle in Berserk Mode.

Guan Yu: Who is my lover!?

Zhang Fei: It’s me, brother!

Guan Yu: I don’t know you! Oh well, any lover will do!

Guan Yu becomes consumed by Flaming Passion. He knocks Lu Xun out of Pleasure Ranger mode.

Zhuge Liang: Brother, you are the only man I could ever love.

Guan Yu is about to violate Zhang Fei when Taishi Ci, Lu Meng and Gan Ning somehow appear out of nowhere to attack him.

Lu Xun: The Pleasure Rangers are reunited! We can’t lose now!

Guan Yu: More men! I must have more men!

Zhang Fei: Stop it, brother! I’m the only one you need!

Zhang Fei knocks out Guan Yu and walks away.

Zhuge Jin: Sorry, brother, but I have other lovers to attend to now. Farewell.

The Pleasure Rangers return home.

To be continued…

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