Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 25 [end]

Zhuge Liang waits for Lu Xun.

Zhuge Liang: Come, Lu Xun, show me that there is at least one man in this land worthy of being my partner. In the meantime, I shall randomly burn everything, just as any good final boss should do!

Whilst the other Pleasure Rangers fight off the burning meteors that are falling on China, Lu Xun (who is back to being Ranger Red) heads for Zhuge Liang.

Sun Quan: I’m about as useful in battle as that guy in Captain Planet who had the Heart power, so I’ll just stay here and pray for everyone.

Zhuge Liang: This world is corrupt, and must be destroyed!

Lu Xun: How can you say that? I mean, I thought I was angsty and full of despair, but you really do have problems!

Zhuge Liang: Shut up! You can forget any chance of seeing my sword now!

Lu Xun: You know what- I don’t care? I’m sick of being told how big you are and then never getting any! Initiate boss battle, phase one!

Lu Xun begins attacking Zhuge Liang, who counters with dark energy blasts.

Zhuge Liang: You fool! I have summoned the Red Star Meteor, the same evil that a thousand bosses have used in their attempts to destroy the world! Oh, and by the way- I killed your family too!

Lu Xun: What!? How much more clichéd can this get?

Zhuge Liang: All I wanted was the HARD GAY power of the Lord’s Cube, but when I realised there was no man worthy enough to sleep with me, I decided to just destroy the world and be done with it!

Lu Xun: But…I thought you loved me!

Zhuge Liang: Fool- I only ever loved myself! Now commence boss battle, phase two!

Zhuge Liang transforms into Dark Zhuge. In response, Lu Xun transforms into the Inferno Ruby Otome.

Lu Xun: Butterfly Inferno Charge!

Lu Xun flies into space and destroys the meteor Zhuge Liang had summoned. Sun Quan and the other Pleasure Rangers are somehow transported to a featureless world.

Sun Quan: What’s going on? Could this be the most ridiculous final episode since Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto?

Ling Tong: I think so- I mean, we seem to be inside the Lord’s Cube.

Dark Zhuge approaches.

Zhuge Liang: Oh, hello everyone, fancy meeting you here.

Otome Lu Xun also appears.

Lu Xun: Everyone, you’re here!

(Lu Xun: Now they’ll know of my secret Otome habit! What should I do?)

Zhuge Liang: It seems you saved the world after all- oh well, you win some, you lose some.

Dark Zhuge begins to dissolve into sparkles.

Zhuge Jin: Everyone’s probably wondering what’s going on, so let’s break off for some exposition. You see, Lu Xun needed the power of the ultimate light to defeat the meteor that would have destroyed our world, but he couldn’t access it until Zhuge Liang became the ultimate darkness. In other words, this was all planned out!

Lu Xun: I knew it! Master wasn’t really evil at all!

Lu Xun and Zhuge Liang embrace.

Zhuge Liang: Well done, Lu Xun- you have saved the world.

Zhuge Jin: Don’t die, brother! We could still have great HARD GAY together!

Zhuge Liang: It’s too late for me- for in my desperation for a partner I ruined my Sword with excessive Hyper Self Pleasure.

Lu Xun: But Master, all I ever wanted was to see it!

Zhuge Liang: It was the Lord’s Cube- it made the Pleasure too intense for mortal flesh to endure.

Lu Xun: Then I must destroy it, so that no other man has to suffer thus!

Lu Xun grabs the core of the Lord’s Cube and shoves it into himself.

Zhuge Liang: NO! You mustn’t endure the intense Pleasure!

Lu Xun: I have to do this, to save everyone else from it!

Lu Xun explodes in a massive burst of Pleasure that leaves him naked and glowing; a sort of Pleasure nuclear bomb, if you will. He then dissolves into golden sparkles.

Zhuge Liang: Lu Xun, you weren’t meant to die! I would have eventually shown you my Sword, you know!

Zhuge Liang continues on his way alone, leaving the Pleasure Rangers and Sun Quan behind to wonder what the point of the whole series was.

THE END.

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