Tuesday Rumble: March 11th

Naruto: Flashback Chronicles
Even though I do not watch it myself, it has come to my attention via those that do that Naruto Shippuden is more flashback-laden than the average episode of Gundam Seed Destiny. It is clear, therefore, that the time has come for the series to move to the next stage- in which it abandons all pretence at moving the story and instead dedicates itself to becoming the “Flashback Chronicles”. Here’s how things will work in the new regime.

• Each episode must begin with a 5-8 minute recap of the previous episode, and also conclude with a recap of the episode in case anyone forgets what happened.
• Flashbacks of each scene from varying points of view (i.e. negligibly different camera angles) will be heavily used.
• After each new line of dialogue, characters will ask “what did you say?”, and be treated with a flashback.
• Whenever characters ask questions relating to the past, they will be answered via flashback, even if said question is just “what did you have for breakfast this morning?”.
• After each blow, there will be a flashback so that the opponent can analyse it and choose their next move.
• Characters will frequently have flashbacks about having flashbacks.
• Every third episode will be a full-on recap episode.

Sisters of Wellber 11

Galahad decides to try the Harvest Moon life.

As with any Harvest Moon game, he has to start from scratch, on a farm that has practically nothing.

He also needs to find a bride in order to clear the game.

Angry knife gets serious.

“Sorry, but Gun beats Knife every time.”

Some say Gernia is a little unbalanced, but where is the evidence?

Stop, those are Sunrise magic mushrooms!

“Can you really survive on Hyper Self Pleasure alone?”

“That enables me to have HARD GAY!”

Dragons’ Den: The Dragonaut Boob airbag
Welcome to a new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral’s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

This week in the Den we have the mysterious yet well-known entrepreneur Melons, who is attempting to increase her assets by pitching a brand new product- the Dragonaut Boob Airbag. Will the soft and yielding Melons be able to impress the hard and unyielding Dragons?

Melons: Hello, my name is Melons and I represent the interests of Boobonaut: the Melonance. I’m here to pitch for investment in our new invention, the Boob Airbag. As you can see from these images, the immense size of Dragonaut Boobs makes them the perfect airbag, offering soft yet sturdy protection against shocks and impacts.

Aria: Punyu! [Can they really be that big?]

Mikoto: What about storage? These seem a little large to be stowed away in the dashboard- or indeed anywhere in the car- without suffocating the passengers.

Melons: Well, storage is an issue, but many male drivers have said that they like having them in the car.

Mikoto: I’m sure they do, but as a woman, I’m not interested- and that’s why I’m out.

Admiral: I’d like to declare myself out too.

Two Dragons are out already! Has Melons’ sexist pitch destroyed her credibility with the Dragons?

Aria: Punyu. [This isn’t the sort of image Aria Company wants to associate itself with, so I’m out.]

Cardinal: I can see great potential in your product, but at the same time when I have my underlings ram someone’s car, we don’t want them to survive, so there’s a conflict of interest there for me. I’m going to have to declare myself out- although I wouldn’t mind a sample airbag.

Only one Dragon now remains, but will the strait-laced Mr Tibbs be interested in investing in a product that will affect the reputation of his bank?

Mr Tibbs: I have to admit that I’ve been looking for ways to revitalise the image of the bank, but when I think of the consequences of associating myself with Dragonaut and hence Studio Gonzo, I have to say that it’s not in my interests.

Melons has crashed out of the Den without a single offer of investment! Will the next entrepreneur fare any better in the Den?

This Week in Anime

The future of HORSE is so terrifying that we must fight against it at all costs.

Apples reach unprecedented new sizes.

The police force tries a personal approach to recruiting with their new “I Need You!” posters.

According to a poster in the background, cats in boxes are prohibited.

These brightly coloured drinks remind me of the jelly desserts in Stargate SG-1.

Pizza Hut unveils its latest product.

In the new intense farming version of Harvest Moon, crops are grown by the hundred.

Ginko from Mushishi is spotted on Mokke.

Yes, many of us felt that way about the Bokurano anime.

I can’t help feeling that cinemas just aren’t as sophisticated as they used to be.

If in doubt, there’s always tea.

“Are you talking about…Hyper Self Pleasure?”

President Aria’s previously unknown black brother made his fortune in the thermo-logistics business.

Everyone thinks they have what it takes to become a Bartender.

“Apple or orange- which should I choose?”

Mai Tokiha reveals where she ended up after HiME ended.

Flash Game Review: The Impossible Quiz
If you like quizzes, then why not try your hand at the Impossible Quiz (or its successor), both designed to test your sanity and patience to the limit. Far from being straightforward, the Impossible Quiz is like that annoying kid in the playground that continually asks you trick questions and then treads on your toes when you get the answer wrong. Even so, there is still the compulsion to get as far as you can as you try to figure out the trick behind each question- through trial and error if nothing else. Good luck!

Mini-editorial: Blog posts- long-term vs. immediate value
Not quite a rehash of the tired old “editorial vs. episode summary” argument, the question here is about the value of a blog post versus time. Naturally, when any post first appears, it will draw attention from regular readers, aggregrator browsers and the like, but after that it slowly drops deeper and deeper into the archives, perhaps never to be read again. But which blog posts are more likely to escape internet oblivion?

The answer, of course, isn’t too hard to work out- parodies and reviews are likely to attract attention from Google searchers looking for opinions, whilst things like the weekly round-up, news posts and even Tuesday Rumble tend to be regarded more as products of that particular week. Months after it aired, no one cares about Clannad episode nine, but if they happened not to watch the series, they may want to check out a Clannad series review. Editorials are trickier to place, since it depends on their content (some topics are timeless, others are a reaction to the state of anime and the blogworld at that time).

The question then is this- should we consider the long-term value of our posts when we write them, or should we just stick with their immediate value? Does it really matter if our work sinks into the archives as long as it achieved its purpose at the time it was posted? Or is it depressing to think of the hundreds of thousands of words we poured our hearts into now lying abandoned and unread? Should we be putting our effort into something a little more permanent? Perhaps we must just go back to the old answer- we should be blogging because we enjoy it, without worrying about any higher-level reasoning behind it.

Reverse Harem of the week: Kuuya (Utawarerumono)
Determined to rival the lead and find peace through genocide, Kuuya surrounded herself with men, but ultimately failed and ended up with her mind reverting to that of a child.

Harem
Genjimaru: The wise older warrior and bodyguard.
Hien: The young and stoic one.
Hauenkua: The psychotic, gender-confused one.
Dii: The mysterious bishie who only pretends to be a part of the harem to further his own goals.
Hakuoro: The lead, Kuuya tries to recruit him but ends up joining his harem instead.